Is it weird that i have no desire at all to be a biological mother but quite like the idea of adopting??

Question

just a question: how could adoption be considered as the more selfish option?? no offence to anyone who has kids naturally, but i don't see how adoption is selfish

Answer 1

No, that's your personal feeling.  You shouldn't feel wrong about that.  Its not everyone calling to become a 9months carrying mother.  There are plenty of children out there who need loving homes, if you can provide that for someone that would be awesome!  My best friend had a female OB/GYN and her tubes were tried because after working at her office and delivering babies all day she said that was fulfilling enough for her and she has no desire to become a mother.

Answer 2

As long as your reason arent because you dont want to put on weight and get stretch marks i think its completly fine.

Answer 3

Adoption is an extremely complex issue.

There are many sides to look at - and I'd encourage you to look at the many questions and answers here - and search wider in books and on the internet - especially articles written by those that have given children up to adoption - and those that are most affected by adoption - the adoptees.

References to 'selfish' - in regard to the adoptive parents - could be made if the adoptive parents do it totally for themselves - instead of what adoption 'should' be about - which is - in the best interests of the child.

The absolute BEST for any child - is to live with his/her mother and father first and foremost - if not - then bio family members next.

(google the UN convention on children's rights - it's all there)

Best interests for the child would include complete disclosure about the why's and who's of their adoption - and complete open contact with first family - as long as there is no harm involved.

Adoption should be about making a child's family larger - not about replacing it with another.

No child 'wants' to be separated from their bio mother.

Those choices are made by adults.

Adoption from foster care - is what adoption was invented for - to provide homes for those that really need it.

Infant adoption is a very shady business - where too much money is being made by adoption agencies - and too often coercive practices are used to talk young women into giving their children away - when in reality - most woman just need some support - and to be told - "you'll be a great mum - just give it a go."

Trying to talk a women into adoption - because you want the child - is selfish.

I'm not saying that this is your motive - just that - as I said - there are many angles - and you must be aware of your own motivations for wanting to adopt - to make sure you don't make the child suffer.

Adoptees suffer most when their adoptive parents want to adopt them to pretend to be the bio children that they are not.

They also suffer greatly if they are made to feel endebted for being adopted - to be forever grateful. (again - the adoptee had no choice in the situation - so really - should never be made to feel grateful for anything)

The best adoptive parent welcomes a child for who they are (and not try to change them - as you can't change the genetics they were born with) - acknowledges the losses that they feel (and will probably never totally get over - but your empathy and care can make the losses less painful) - allows the adoptee to know their truth - doesn't make the adoptee take sides with families (adoptees want to be able to love all their family - and to be loved fully in return) - and will just love them with all of their heart.

There are such adoptive parents here.

Sadly - not all adoptive parents think in ways that are best for the adoptee.

Which kind of adoptive parent do you want to be??

I love my adoptive family with all of my heart - but the genetic differences are very clear - and I never completely fit in.

Honestly - I wish I had been born to them - then I wouldn't feel the anguish that I feel - and that I've felt for my entire 39yrs.

I encourage you to do your research.

Answer 4

You can't be weird, you can only be you.  I have 3 adopted children.  Their teeth are quite nicer than mine.  They aren't as temperamental.  I'm brilliant; they're average.  They are much better adjusted than I and my siblings were.  And, as two of them were special needs, I'm pretty sure I get a free ticket into Heaven.  :-)

Answer 5

Why would any one think of adoption as selfish?????  How can giving a child a loving home with parents who love them be selfish?   It is your decision as to adopt or have a biological child.... if you adopt that child becomes yours 100% yours who cares if it is blood you will love it just as if it was.

This is the first time i have been into this section and really read peoples views on adoption and i have never not once seen anyone call it selfish until now, i am baffled and really dont understand how that is selfish????    How can it be selfish if a biological child isnt even created yet??  It has no existence and never will!?  Its not like someone getting an abortion and killing an unborn life just to adopt.... the unborn child is NON existant.   There are so many children out there that need to be adopted an cared for, how is it selfish to give them a better life.....   i am so confused lol

And what does it matter if a women doesnt want to destroy her body?? Does that mean she will love her adopted child any less?? NO

Answer 6

Adoption is always a good thing.  You give an otherwise orphaned child and give them a good home.

Answer 7

Is it weird to pretend you gave birth to someone else's baby?

I think so.

Adoption is not natural, at all.

Answer 8

Not really.  Seems like you have a great body that you don't want to s***w up.

Answer 9

I agree with all the people who've said it's not selfish to want to adopt, but I also understand that some would question your motives to not have kids naturally.  Whatever your reasons, so long as you understand what parenting entails, then you understand that it can't be selfish - you don't get to be selfish and be a good parent - period.  I definitely want to state that all these people saying: pregnancy ruins your body - I think THEY are weird.  there are few things more fulfilling than giving birth to your own baby - which is a big reason parents who can't conceive are so upset.  I don't believe adoption is a second best option - I think all parenting is parenting - but- I am really disgusted that some girls (god I hope they aren;t women yet) who think pregnancy ruins you.  Changes, sure, ruins - wise up!  Anyway, best wishes should you decide to go ahead with this choice.

Answer 10

No, it's not weird. I have decided that if I ever have children, I want to adopt. Not because I don't want to 'mess up' my body, and not because I think it's a pain-free way of having children. Children are still hard work, whether you adopt them or not. It's because I'd rather give a home to a child that already exists and needs one, rather than bringing more children into an overpopulated world. If your reasons are the same as mine, I don't see how that's selfish.

Answer 11

Yes- If you are physically able to have children.

Answer 12

Nah... all of us want some of the beauty and glory in life without the pain and dirty work. I don't think it is weird... I think it is vain and naive and a more than a little selfish but not weird.

Answer 13

No it is not weird.

You follow what you want to, there are so many children out there looking for a mum like you.

x x x

Answer 14

There are many childere who are orfen and need a family. If you can give them a shelter, support, if you can be a mother for them, then it is even better . Many woman give birth but  dont take care of their childeren, leave them...... I think mother is not the one who is giving birth, mother is the one who is taking care of child, coping everything with him.

Best of Luck

Answer 15

No im only 18, but i feel the same, the thought terrifies me, its a condition i think i cant remember the name of it.

Answer 16

No it isn't. Maybe you would rather help some other child then bring another to the world. Many mothers feel this way, that's why they adopt. First you need to decide why you feel this way. Is it because of what I said early, that you'd rather help another? Or is it because your afraid something will go wrong when you attempt to have the child so just adopting won't be as scary.

Answer 17

it's not wierd that you'd rather adopt but it is a little wierd that you don't have the woman instinct to want to be a mom. adopting would be great.

Answer 18

No. To have a maternal instinct doesn't necessarily have to be satisfied by giving birth. Some people feel it is more rewarding or beneficial to the world to adopt a kid who already exists rather than have one biologically. I personally want to give birth to my children but I have always admired people who want to adopt and the only reason I don't think I will adopt any kids is because I want 3-4 biological kids and I don't think I will be rich enough to support any more. Good luck to you, don't let anyone tell you you're odd. =)

Answer 19

I think this is lovely you could give a child a happy loving life. good luck to you

Answer 20

There is nothing wrong with that.  There are plenty of unwanted babies that need a good mother.

Answer 21

I don't think that is weird at all.  I am adopted myself, and decided when I got married, we decided to adopt as well.  There are many children that need homes, God bless you.

And for loddy- I am a mom, just because my children did not grow in my stomach, does not make me not a mom.

Answer 22

you are the only one who know why ? could it be that u are afriad to ruin your body , or afriad of the process itself . i think that being a mother is the best ever feeling . and if god give u the gift of being able to have kids of your own , remember that other wish to have biological kids but cant . no i think it is weird

Answer 23

No it's not. I hope you make a child very happy.

Answer 24

i wouldn;t call it weird.  i would call it SELFISH.

Answer 25

not at all. i don't want to have my own baby but would definitely consider adopting or fostering. there are so many kids out there who desperately need a family and i'd rather give one of them a home than bring another child into the world. and to the person above who said its selfish i don't think they could be more wrong x

Answer 26

I don't think that's weird at all. That's wonderful that you would like to help out another baby.