Is it weird to have a big fancy wedding when the couple has been living together for several years?

Question

I'm going to a wedding this weekend. The couple have lived together for 2 or 3 years, but they're having a big blow-out wedding. It just seems kind of weird to me. It's even weirder when they have kids. I mean, if marriage wasn't important to them before they moved in together or had kids, then why is it suddenly a big deal? Maybe it's just my conservative upbringing.

Answer 1

It totally is your upbringing. I have similar issues.  However, if it's their money, hey, I'll go and celebrate and be happy that they decided that after all, it is important. Some of us have needless issues, I think, and I am probably one of them.  If you are bothered, don't go to the wedding.

Answer 2

The only circumstance that would seem weird to me if the couple chose a big fancy wedding was if it was a second wedding for them or they had already gotten married in private at the courthouse earlier. Otherwise, everyone is entitled to the wedding they want and can afford, be it big or small, fancy or simple.

So if you lived together for any period of time and had children but were not previously married, I wouldn't see anything wrong with having a big wedding if that is what suits your tastes.  

Answer 3

But marriage IS important to them. They are getting married. They wouldn't be doing it if it wasn't important. Many couples live together nowadays - a wedding is just a celebration of the formal "rite of passage", it's not something that is reserved for people who have never lived together or people with blonde hair or any such thing. If they feel they can afford a big blow-out celebration - what's the problem?  

Answer 4

It's a whole new ball game today with a different mentality. One thing that hasn't changed one little bit is peer pressure.

Answer 5

dr laura would agree with you.

Answer 6

Nah... that doesn't bother me so much.  Want to hear a good one ?? ... that does bother me???

A friend of mines daughter is getting married this Fall.  They are charging...yes, charging each guest $80.00 to come to their Wedding, and have requested only "cash" gifts.  Now that win's "Tacky Award of the Year" in my books !!  If you can't afford to have a very simple budgeted wedding (and you can),  then you should not have one till you can afford it.

Answer 7

This used to be very inappropriate. When my widowed mom remarried in 1970 there were specific rules, she couldn't wear a wedding gown and everything had to be low key

Now people wear white to their third wedding.  Weddings have become big parties and everyone can have several

Answer 8

Well remember, they don't intend it to be temporary. And it's entirely possibly that the marriage will last - not every couple who lives together will get a divorce (actually if they were already certain that they wanted to get married when they moved in then the odds are actually decent). So no, there's nothing wrong with them having a big wedding, it's not like they're taking advantage of the fact that they can have a big party. If it wasn't a first wedding, then yes, it would look like they were just going to have a blow-out every few years.

And people make bad choices all the time, I was always taught that it's polite to leave the past in the past, and even if it's the present that it's impolite to bring them up. I have unmarried friends living and sleeping together, and I am able to discuss the situation with them.  

Answer 9

Don't think it is weird at all. I did it myself. My now husband and I have been together 8 years and lived together most of that time. Everytime we would try to set a date or start planning something came up that would cause disruption in the planning process or financially.

We had a fairly average wedding, cost upwards of $20000, 172 guests. IT was beautiful and I couldn't be happier. We waited but it doesn't mean it isn't just as special to us as it would be for those couples who have only been together 2 years, never lived together.

We are honeymooning now, and I feel it is well deserved. Yeah I am on the computer and he is watching TV, haha.

We bought a house together 5 years ago, started a business, paid off our vehicles.... We wanted to take care of some other things first but it doesn't mean we deserve less or that marriage didn't mean anything to us.

To each their own I suppose... everyone deserves it.

Answer 10

well it's their wedding! they have every right to have the wedding of their dreams. besides you don't know what happened 2-3 years ago. maybe they didn't have enough money for the wedding they wanted and had to wait and save up.

Answer 11

It's ok to think it's weird, I can see why one might think that. Even though the couple waited to get married and went ahead and lived together and had kids before being married, the act of getting married still means a lot and is obviously important to them since they're having a big wedding. Now a days anything goes and people do things every which way when it comes to relationships. My fiance' and I have been dating for 5 years and have lived together for 2 of those years. We're getting married in a few weeks and we're definitely having a big wedding and doing all the traditional things. We each have a child from previous relationships, none together yet but our wedding is just the beginning of a new chapter in our lives together. I'm sure that's how your friends see it too. Be happy for them and just enjoy the party :)

Answer 12

No! I don't think it is weird at all. And its a bit unfair to say that "they didn't care about it before".

More and more couples live together first before getting married, so its quite the norm now. Almost no one would have a big blow out wedding!

I actually am shocked to know if a bride and groom have not been living together - I'm like, "Why are you going into this blindly?!"

I don't think you're wrong, because its obviously how you feel, but from another perspective, I think its fine.  

Answer 13

A wedding is a big deal whether you've lived together or not. That's why folks like you and me, with our conservative upbringings, think it really matters to get married and not just live together and have kids.  Typically, if I may be pardoned a moment of overgeneralizing that would not apply to my own wife and that is gender stereotyping, women grow up with a dream of a big wedding, and push for one even under these circumstances if there's enough money to pay for it.  I'd guess that's the case with your friends, but of course I don't really know.  I know friends of mine who'd lived together for a year or two had a huge beautiful wedding this summer and that it was great, and that marriage is a much bigger commitment than living together.

The main thing is that your friends want to celebrate a very happy event in their life with you, and I'm guessing that they see marriage as a very big deal - which it is, in the end.

Answer 14

In a way, getting married after having lived together goes to prove that marriage means something to them. There's no longer the societal pressure which requires people to marry before living together. To choose to marry despite "having gotten the milk for free" indicates that the couple thinks marriage is important.

To me, the tacky factor comes into play when they want huge bridal showers, too. Bridal showers are meant to help a couple set up a household. If the household is already set up, then there's no need for a bridal shower.

Answer 15

And what exactly is so "weird" about a couple having a big wedding when they've been living together? My boyfriend and I have been living together for almost 2 1/2 years and when we get married we plan on going all out. I can sort of see why it would be strange if the couple had children, but I don't see anything wrong with a live-in couple having a big wedding. And why would you automatically think getting married isn't important to such couples? You don't know their circumstances. Perfect example: my boyfriend and I are waiting until I'm done with college before we get married. Does that mean we can't live together and enjoy each other's company? Absolutely not! Besides, it's my personal opinion that couples should live together before marriage anyway. I've known plenty of friends' and family members' relationships to go straight downhill when moving in after the wedding because they didn't know about their SO's living habits. (And to think this is all coming from someone who is downright conservative!)

Answer 16

no i dont think it is at all. i think if someone is getting married then it shouldnt matter if they have lived together or have kids.it is still there special day and they should enjoy it how they they want to.

Answer 17

i see what you mean, but lots of people do it this way now. most of my friends have lived with their boyfirends before getting married, some even had a kid first, but they all still had a big wedding. i don't see anything wrong with it.

Answer 18

I am fairly conservative as well.  However, there are so many factors that figure into a couple and their relationship.  I really believe it is between those 2 people getting married.  who are outsiders to pass judgement?  Maybe a few years ago they were not ready.  The divorce rate is high enough.  

I was 30 when I got married.  I basically lived with DH before we were married, and I remained a virgin!  I don't push my views on anyone else, but don't judge!

Answer 19

Maybe they want everyone to know that they are now a married couple.If they had a small wedding a lot of people might just assume that they are still living together. They have some thing to prove.