Is it wrong for Grandma to cry in front of child?

Question

We used to live in Las Vegas but moved back to Midwest to avoid crime and find better education/values, about a year ago.. My inlaws still live there and my 9 year old daughter has a close relationship with my MIL. She recently went to visit her and had a blast, swimming, shopping, seeing her old friends. etc.

Well, my MIL was crying her eyes out in front of my daughter on the day she was leaving (today) because she misses her. Then, my daughter calls me crying and angrily asking why am I forcing her to live in IL when she hates it and loves Vegas.

Is it wrong for Grandma to be crying when child is leaving? I feel like it only makes it worse and it is almost like brain-washing since the Grandma would love for us to move back.

I'm really upset because I feel like it turns my daughter against me.

Any thoughts?

Answer 1

No not at all.

Answer 2

It's not wrong for her grandma to cry! Also your daughter may be made but she is not turned against you.. She will always love you! She will get over it. Maybe give her more visits with her grandma?

Answer 3

i have a chip on my shoulder for this, because i have a now Bad relationship w my MIL...

some background on your MIL..is she a nice person, or selfish...my MIL is really selfish and not a nice person, and would do anything to inflict pain on me

in your case, providing MIL is nice...well i would talk to her about it, and let her know its being difficult on you...shes the adult, your kid is the child, and you would appreciate if if she would reserve her tears for after your kid left...

if she doesnt understand, or starts cursing you , tell her the answer is obvious, and that your kid is not going out to see her any more....

again like i said, mabye i shouldnt have answered..me and my MIL have been at war for a LONG time...the second i hear MIL, my jaw gets tight...

so it depends on your relationship...good luck

Answer 4

Maybe your M/L was upset and overwhelmed. I would like to think that she wasn't being a drama queen.

Moving is hard. My grandmother was in a different state than I grew up in. It was hard to say good bye after a visit. Though, I don't remember her crying.

I can also see where it would be difficult for a child to deal with. Even though as adults we have emotions and can become drained. We have to get control and try not to express it in front of children. Maybe she was genuine and could not hold back. I wasn't there, and I don't know her.

Your daughter obviously loves her grandmother. Maybe she will adjust in time. Once she gets into school, makes friends, and gets into activities. Enroll her in something, dance, band, soccer, scouts (what ever you think is do-able.) It would give her something to do and an opportunity to make more friends. Maybe she will come to love IL.  

You do need to have a heart to heart talk with Grandma. Try not to be judgmental. Give her the benefit of the doubt, but let her know that it makes it harder on your daughter. Start by saying "I know this is hard for you too, but you have to understand......" See if there is away that grandma can come visit you too.  Try to let her know that you would like it if she tried not to be so emotional in front of the children but try to be kind about it.

Answer 5

It is perfectly fine for Grandma to cry! She is terribly upset about something then let her cry. I would be upset if my grandchildren (when I have them) moved away! Your daughter loves her Grandma and wants to do everything she does prob thats why she cried. If your daughter is terribly upset after a while I would def consider letting her either visit them alot more often or maybe even moving back, just to another part of the city/town

Answer 6

crying is just a reaction to an emotion. as you said, she really misses your little one and it can be overwhelming sometimes to not have your loved ones around for long periods of time. if she was doing it on purpose i would be mad but to me it doesnt sound like thats the case. she just didnt want to see her go and knows how much she is going to miss her again and her emotions got the best of her. its normal for a child to be 'angry' about a move like that. you just have to spend extra time with her yourself and try to explain to her the situation. do what you can to make the transition as easy as possible for her.

Answer 7

It's one thing to share emotions with someone you love and people shouldn't be afraid to do that occasionally but it does sound like your MIL was being slightly manipulative. Explain the circumstances for your move and assure your daughter that you'll do as much as you can to not let distance keep them close.

Answer 8

I wouldn't say it's wrong for her to cry -  as long as it's an honest expression of her feelings and not a way to manipulate you and your daughter.  Saying goodbye to someone you won't see for a long time can be very emotional.. But I think it would be easier on your daughter if she could manage not to cry in front of her.  Your daughter doesn't have control over the number and timing of her visits.  There is nothing she can do to change where she lives.  Seeing her grandma cry will do nothing except make her feel worse.   Have you told your MIL how your daughter feels after saying goodbye?  Maybe if she knew, she could manage to hold the tears until later.  I  can understand how she feels - I still cry every time I have to say goodbye to my grown children - but I wait till after they leave.  It's hard!