Is it wrong for a grandchild to look for a birth grandparent, if the parent is not able to/can't/refuses?

Question

My mother was adopted as a newborn/6weeks old. The parents that adopted her were a lot older, the age that grandparents would be (my grandfather would be 99 if were alive now) Her adoptive mom was wonderful, my grandmother. I miss her dearly. Her dad was an alcoholic & was pretty close to retirement when my mom was adopted. My mom turned out an alcoholic herself, & holds a lot of resentment towards her birth parents for giving her up. I found out, when my grandfather died, my mom found some records, a birth name and such. She chose not to do anything with it. That was some 20 odd years ago. I really couldn't look for my birth grandparents at that time. Now, at 35 and a mother myself. My only sibling disowned the family 9 yrs ago & my mother too about 14 yrs ago. I have 1 child, he is 9 yrsold. & never met my mom or sister. My dad's 2nd wife doesn't like my son & I. I am in Canada/Ontario.How can I find her birth parents? It would be nice to meet them,not to replace what I had.

Answer 1

Hi Frugal Shopper,

No, it's not wrong to look for any of your family members.  They are every bit as much YOUR family members as they were your mother's.  Unfortunately, adoption not only severs an individual from their family, but also all of their future descendents as well.  Nobody owns anyone else's family history.  It equally belongs to everyone in your family.  

Genealogy is one of the most popular hobbies today.  Many people are interested in learning more about their roots and possibly connecting with relatives.  Just because your mother was not interested, is no reason for her to make that decision for you if you are interested.  You should not have to justify to anyone why are interested in doing so.

I guess my last suggestion would be you can refer to them as your maternal grandparents instead of birthgrandparents.  You are also likely to find aunts, uncles, and cousins.  I would start by registering with International Soundex Reunion Registry.  www.isrr.net

Again, it is not wrong.  Good luck in your search.

julie j

reunited adoptee

Answer 2

No it's not wrong.  Those people are your relatives.

Answer 3

i totally understand your pain.

My mother was adopted when she was only a couple weeks old. I find it very frustrating because i don't have any medical history on the side of the family.

My mom refuses to search for her mother.

All we know is her name and how she was.

basically everything that was on her original

birth certificate.

i have tried to look but i cant do anything because i am

not the one adopted. I don't know anything about the laws in Canada because i live in the United states but

if you find a website that can help you

can you please tell me i would love to know about my history

Answer 4

I'm not sure how you go about it, but I don't know why you shouldn't. I'm adopted and have a wonderful family. The only reason that I'd want to find my birth parents would be for health reasons. I'm not looking for a relationship, but that's me.

Answer 5

there is a good chance that you can find them via census records and other genealogy methods. My natural father was adopted by his stepfather and had no interest in finding his father. I have been able to do a full family history on that side without contacting anyone directly. Good luck!

Answer 6

I don't know the laws in Canada, but I have heard stories, here in the states of adoption agencies keeping records of adoptions. You might want to start by looking up the adoption agencies in your area.

Answer 7

For 30 years no one on my dad's side of the family, including my dad never knew I had a baby and gave her up, none of my cousins knew and only 1 friend knew. Just keep in mind that when you search, you and your mom might be a deep buried secret and it might be shocking to these people. I am not saying don't look, because I think you should, just be prepared for anything.

Answer 8

You need to get some paper in Toronto.  Here is the website.

http://www.gov.on.ca/ont/portal/!ut/p/.c...

All you have to do is call them and they will walk you through what it is that you need to get.  If you have a surname you can search that name also.  When I started helping my husband try to find his birth mom we had nothing not even the area where she was from.  I called P.I's to help but to was way to much.  I wanted to know about my husbands birth family as we have kids.  Well it was alot of work as we had NOTHING to go on BUT I will say with many hours of hard leg work we did it in 3 months.  If you need any help or anything you can email me at iamjust4you@ gmail.com. Trust me you can do it!!!!

Answer 9

If you want to look for your mother's birth parents, this link may help you:

http://genealogy.about.com/cs/adoption/a...

I am sorry about your broken up family. Maybe finding a grandmother/grandfather will give you some happiness.

Good Luck

ps thanks for the homeschooling aswer

Answer 10

If you want to search I think that is fine, however just like an adoptee who searches you need to prepare for anything, the good and the bad. You’ll have to deal with whatever you find.   Also sometimes it’s not easy for an adoptee to get information let alone a relative of thus adoptee. However if you have at least names it might be easier you could try a people search or ask a search angel to help you out.

On one hand whatever happens even if you don’t find the relationship you might want to have you might be able to get some genetic family medical history and heritage.

Answer 11

First - add your details to the registries here

http://www.isrr.net/

http://registry.adoption.com/

Check here for information - perhaps even contact for search help -

http://www.originscanada.org/

Check here for other search help - and links to search angels -

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org/

I wish you all the very best with the search.

You don't need to have a reason - apart from wanting to know where your mother came from.

She is part of who you are.

Answer 12

of course you are entitled to know about your heritage and i am sure that your grandparents would like to know you as you sound as you are someone they would deserve knowing i just wish that i could help you but being from a different country i do not know of the search vehicles there that would help you but i do wish you lots of luck with your search