Is it wrong for a married male coworker to do this?

Question

He is a singer & a big music fan and I just told him I'm a newbie at classical music so he offered to burn me a cd of a bunch of different classical songs he likes. I do think he has an innocent crush on me & I'm attracted to him, but it hasn't gone anywhere besides just being friends. He once put up a goofy picture of himself on my desk wall as a surprise because he knew I would get the humor in it and he was a little too excited for my reaction. Is it wrong for him to be doing what I'm doing, on top of sending me innocent emails at work? Should I put a stop to all of this before something happens or am I overreacting? It seems most men would say I am, so I base my judgment on their opinions mostly, as they should know what a man is like. His wife doesn't know about me, except that I'm a coworker of his, when we bumped into each other recently.

Answer 1

im pretty sure ur over-reacting.  

Answer 2

He needs to knock it off. He's a married man and needs to keep things strictly work related.  

Answer 3

it might be okay at this stage but if he goes any further than that then yoiu have to put your foot down before others get involved.

Answer 4

Is it wrong?  Well, that would be a matter of perspective.  From his Wife's point of view, it may be wrong. From your employer's point of view it may be wrong. But, what matters here is your point of view and I think it is clear, in that you have posted this here, that you KNOW it is wrong and no matter how many times you insert the word "innocent," you know if YOU were his wife, you would not be too keen on your husband developing this same relationship of attraction and growing intimacy with a girl at work.

You should cut it off and make it clear that you aren't going to be a party to ruining his marriage and don't want to be seen as a home-wrecker.  If he wants to treat you like a sister and keep it professional, that is one thing, but is you are attracted to him and you believe he has a crush on you, that may not be realistic.

Answer 5

It isnt that you are over-reacting, it is that he is reading the wrong message. You should curb this now before it gets too messy.  

Answer 6

Well, put yourself in his wife's position.  What would you want to happen if you were her?  He sounds like a loser.  Don't mess around with other people's spouses.

Answer 7

As separate events they sound innocent, but grouped together....

I think you are getting in to something that you will regret. I would keep my distance, miles of it!

Answer 8

it's okay to flirt innocently in a friendly way if you are both keeping a good sense of humor about it. I do this all the time with my guy friends because it's a easy joke to pull when you are the opposite s*x. However if he starts getting serious or you start to get feelings for him you should stop immediatly!! you do not have the right to put your self into someone elses relationship and this could cause a lot of problems with him and his wife. If it's casual it's fine but, if you think a deeper relationship may be turning from this then maybe you should keep the friendship more business-like eh?

Answer 9

no

Answer 10

Married guys flirt more than single guys... because they think the woman won't perceive it as flirting.  

He's having fun... sounds like you are, too.  

So, I speak for all of the married men out there -- Keep up the innocent flirting, please!

Answer 11

If it's feeling uncomfortable, don't reciprocate.  Be polite, but don't encourage anything in the least.  He'll get the hint.  I don't think it's quite appropriate the way he's behaving.  If my husband was behaving like that with a female co-worker, I'd **** him one!

Answer 12

its not like he is grabbing you every two seconds. It sounds like innocent friendship and/or flirting. If it did go any further you would need to be a good person and stop it, seeing as he is married and all.  

Answer 13

Yes,there is flirting,stop before it gets out of hand.he is married.the fact that he doesn't respect his marriage should turn you off.  

Answer 14

It is a hard call to say whether this is wrong or not. This could be completely innocent. Some guys feel more free to have close friendships with women because they know it will go nowhere because they are married. I don't know whether this guy is that type of guy.

I will tell you that because you feel the need to ask this question it is time to be cautious. Based on what you said, there seems to be nothing inherently wrong with what he did. Just make sure this stays a friendship.  

Answer 15

do everything you can to avoid him and not be attracted to him anymore...he is married...enough said...

there are other questions on this (such as 'will he ever leave her for me'?) that you could check out, written and answered by people who are further down the line than you are at this point...avoid him...and find someone who is available. your heart, and his wife, will thank you...

from someone who's been there

Answer 16

If you are romantically attracted to him, then you should limit your interaction.  You can be kind about it, without going into any discussion about him being married.  Get out there and find an unmarried man to flirt with!!  

Answer 17

it sounds bad when all the things are happening...i think you both are sending the wrong signals and for the respect of his wife and his marriage i say cool it down a bit and make sure you keep your relationship strictly professional

Answer 18

well the problem is you i think he is innocent enough but you seem to like him and he is going to pick up on that.  Now I am not saying stop because if you want to get laid by him then that's your business.

Answer 19

you can innocently get burned - and needs to stop before he seriously flirts

be a good coworker - and cool it down

Answer 20

its okay;; um what i would do is juss be catious. dont keep your guard up, but be careful about what happens. you're not over reacting, you're being responsible;; good job :)

if he wants to get you cd let him...its a cd, what harm can it do?

Answer 21

If you feel there is something more then there probably is.  You should tell him how you feel and ask him to keep the relationship between you both strictly professional.  Put a stop to it before it goes any further and you get yourself into an even more complicated situation.