Is it wrong for me to be engaged?

Question

I am currently engaged to be married but after what some people (including family) have said i am beginning to have second thoughts about it. I am only 16 and i got engaged on my birthday....i just dont know if i should really go through with this...thewedding is schedualed for 2 weeks from today. i need your opinion on weather i sould get married or not! please help me! i really really love jivar but i dont want my family to hate me either. but if i dont get married will jivar hate me?? i am so confused!

Answer 1

Ok, Either ALOT Of This Is Made Up Or You Lead A VERY Complicated   Life That Most People Will Find Hard To Believe.

To Get Married At 16, As Far As I Know Is ILLEGAL In Most Countries Unless You Want To Flee The Country, Then Your Man Will Be In A Lot Of Trouble For Taking A Minor Out Of The Country.

Think LONG & HARD... Is This Guy Really Worth Not Seeing Your Family?

Your Parents Are Trying To Look Out For You.. Let Them & Don't Make A Stupid Decision At 16.

Answer 2

You are so young.  You should wait.

Answer 3

your rushing ahead far to fast, your parents are rigth to put on the breaks

take it from someone who have a few more years on her back, and who talked the topic of age over with friends

all of us changed drasticly since that age, we found that we didnt start to mature mentaly in general to be honest before 20, so on joke we sort of figure out when you hit the teens your body starts developing, when you hit your 20's your brain starts developing.

you are both to young to get married, have you talked about what type of lives you want? do you know where you want to be in 10 years? there is a reason why the diveorse statistics so high these days. The very fact that he demand a marriage as proof, just go to show that even your BF is not mature enough to handle a marriage, your both young and living in a dreamworld. Listen to your parents in this, someone who truly love you dont preasure you like this at such a young age, in fact can you even marry legal? I'd think if your bellow 18 you'd need your parents aproval to marry, and without that the marriage wont be legal.

The whole idea with engagement is to be a promise to marry one day in the future, not to marry 2 days after geting engaged. Have you been to pre-marriage counceling? personaly i wouldnt go to such a thing, but in this case i think the two of you could need it.

Answer 4

It sounds like you need to break it off.  You are far too young, just a child (in the eyes of the law).  You are going to change radically as a person over the next few years.

Tell your boyfriend you need to wait until you are a legal adult and have graduated high school before you will consider marriage.

There are very few people who get married at 16 and later look back on that as a good decision in life.

Answer 5

it sounds like youre not ready to take such a big step..

theres nothing wrong with being engaged but getting married at 16 is a little young...

y not just sit down with your fiance and explain your fears and see if the engagement can b for longer...

your family wont hate you...theyre just concerned about you and your future..they dont want u to make a mistake..

if your fiance dont accept that youre not ready to marry then maybe you need to second guess the engagement

Answer 6

um.... I would NOT get married at your age. You have the rest of your life to be married. Finish college and then consider it. I have come to realize, as I have gotten older, your parents are usually ALWAYS right. SO if they dont think it is a good ideam than it probably isn't. And...I would not have the baby either...you are too young and have not graduated college yet and if your parents won't help you financially, how will you pay for it?? ALL of this sounds like a BAD IDEA. Save your 100k, finish school and if you are still with this guy, then get married.  

Answer 7

Its great that you are done with high school and that you are in college.

However....

"Jivar said that if i dont marry him on the set date then he can find someone else because he would feel stood up and everything. i told him that i love him but i just dont know if he is ready and he took it as me not loving him enough...."

If Jivar really loved you, he would wait for you. You are only 16 years old, even though you are in college and have done a lot for someone your age, you still have a lot to do. A man that really loves you would wait for you to be ready to get married. I think you should finish college first. That money you saved can go for your education and to set up a home. That money is your money that you earned and was given by family, its for you, not for him so use it on your education.

If he can't wait a few years for you to finish college, then its not meant to be. Even though you are in college, its hard to have a baby and be in college  at ay age, much less 16 years old so you need the support of your family. I would wait. If he loves you, he will wait. At least you will know for sure.  

Answer 8

In my country, just like most European countries, it's illegal to be married before the age of 18. Under the laws, you are still a child, a teenager. And teenagers do not get married :-)

Seriously, love is amazing, relationships are great but marriage is a very serious deal. You need to be mature and have had enough experience to get married. You still have YEARS to have those experiences.

Don't get married.

Answer 9

You write:  my dad told me that if i got married now he would not walk me down the aile and he would not pay a single cent of the wedding.

1.  Your father is unhappy.

You write:  my mom said "you get married now, your on your own i wont help you through anything not even my grandkids

2.  Your mother is unhappy.

You write:  Jivar said that if i dont marry him on the set date then he can find someone else because he would feel stood up  

3.  Your hubby-to-be sounds like a real jerk.

You write:  (i was kinda a genius)

4.  No, dear.  A genius would have remembered to use birth control.    

I strongly urge you to follow your parents' advice in this situation.  And finish your education.  You will need a good education and a good career in order to support your child.  Doesn't sound like your "fiance" will be around to help you.

Answer 10

Please, tell me this is a joke.

Answer 11

You are only 16!! DO NOT DO IT!!!!!  YOU WILL REGRET IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!!!!!  You have the whole world in your hands at 16!  You have high school to finish, college and then a very good job will come of it because you will have applied yourself.  If you love this man and he loves you then he will be around for as long as it takes.  You don't want to settle in at 16 or 17 and have children (because they will come that's life) It is fine to be engaged but just don;t be in such a big hurry to get married.  A hurry is for what?  Please, if you even think you are having second thoughts don't do it.  You don't eant a divorce under your belt before you are 18!  It may or may not happen.  You parents are only trying to tell you this because they love you so much and they only want the best for you and by you doing this, it is not the best.  I don't even know you and I know it is not the right thing for you to do right now at such a young age.  Please go forth with your life with your fiance in your life and do all of the things that will only make you successful in the end.  And, when you do walk down the isle, walk down knowing you will be self supporting with a degree in case something happens to your relationship.  You don't ever want to have to depend on anyone for money.  You want to be self supporting.  You cane be independent and still have your fiance.  Please, reconsider this whole thing just for yourself for a moment.  The white dress will still be there when you are better prepared to wear it.

Answer 12

Sorry hon,

Go with your instinct.

You are not ready to get married.

Your family is willing to help you out with the child, once it's born (that's that it sounds like from your question) so you don't really have to get married so quickly.

If he's so quick to go off and find someone else so quickly, just because you are not ready to get married yet, then I'm sorry to say, he doesn't love you, he just wants that money (That's a lot of money for a 16 year old)

You say you were kind of a genius in school, and you are now in college. Use that intelligence to get yourself out of this mess.

He's given you an ultimatum, now you give him one, and show him who the intelligent person is:

Either he waits until you are married, or HE doesn't love YOU!

Don't let anyone push you to do something you are not ready to do.

You are so much smarter than that.

Answer 13

Well, if you're family's against it you really don't have anything to consider.  At 16 your parents have to consent to the wedding.  No parental consent = no wedding.  

What's the rush?  If you're going to be with him for the rest of your life, why do you need to get married "now"?  Why not wait a few years, when you've both lived life a bit more...

EDIT: Your spelling and grammar are horrible for a genius.  And if a guy is threatening to dump you if you don't get married by a certain date, then he doesn't love you and isn't worth it.  Move on with your life.

Plus, YOU have saved over $100K, how much is HE contributing?  And that amount of money won't get you far in life, believe it or not...

Answer 14

Every couple will face opposition. Unfortunately, I think your parents are right. Simply because you are having someone's child does not mean you must marry them, especially someone who has a "take you or leave you attitude." True love doesn't say, "If you don't do what I want, I will find someone who will." True love doesn't give ultimatums, and true love doe snot get you pregnant when one member of the relationship is under age. That is illegal, and Jivar could go to prison for statutory rape, and leading to the delinquency of a minor. I graduated around that same age, and started college soon after, so don't play the genius card. I don't think of myself as one, nor should you--especially with your spelling, grammar, and punctuation.

Stay in college, keep your family in tact, and raise your child. Do not let Jivar blackmail you into anything, especially marriage. If he loves you, or if it's meant to be, marriage can wait.

Answer 15

If you are having doubts then maybe you should wait. If Jivar doesn't understand then maybe he isn't the one for you. You say you are so smart, have the baby and finish school. You have plenty of time to get married. If he loves you he will wait.

Answer 16

You're a few yrs too young to be considering marriage, but the bonus of divorce is that you aren't trapped in a foolish decision when things don't work out.

I'd recommend you wait until your mid 20s at least before thinking about taking such a serious step. You're still quite young, not even a legal adult...what's the rush?

Answer 17

At 16 I think that you are to young to get married.  If your boyfriend doesn't understand that you want to wait then he isn;t the right person for you.  If he loves you he will wait until you are ready.  I also think that if you are questioning it don't do it.  Marriage is not just about the wedding it is about a lifetime of love and commitment.  I would think long and hard.  Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Answer 18

My first thought was to say absolutely not.  But because you have done most things at an advanced rate, means you may have matured a little faster than most teens.  This is not to say it will be any easier.  As a young married couple, not having the support of your family may prove to be difficult.  As young parents, it's really going to be a challenge.  You and your fiance need to sit down with your parents and try to work this out.  If that doesn't work, you have to do what's best for your child, which will be growing up in a loving two-parent household.