Is it wrong for me to consider giving my child up for adoption?

Question

Sometimes I feel as if my son doesn't have everything he needs and I'm not a good enough mom for him. He's almost 2 so I don't know if adoption is a good option.

Answer 1

You'll have to elaborate on "everything he needs."  A child needs love and care.  A child doesn't need fancy toys, name-brand clothes, Lucky Charms for breakfast every morning, and a trust fund.  If you can provide a safe and loving environment for your child with decent foods (WIC can help), warm clothes (there are plenty of low-cost and donation places) and health and well-being needs, then your child has a great mommy!

You could also talk to a social worker or community health center to determine what's best for your child.

Answer 2

Dear Kate,

                  Wanting the best for your child is absolutely normal, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you should put him up for adoption. If you can provide him love, food, shelter and education and health care then you should not be concerned. However, if you struggle with addictions, or something like that or he spends more time be shuffled around from family members to babsitter and the like because you cannot provide for him then perhaps what you are feeling is appropriate. You are his mother you know what is best for him. If you think you are not the answer to what is best then perhaps some counseling with a social worker would help you in this decision. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 3

Kate,

It's not wrong to feel like you can't give your child everything, and think about giving him up for adoption but make sure you can answer these questions. Do you love him, do you supply him with a sufficient amount of food, clothes on his back and a roof over his head? I'm not sure where you are from but you may want to check out your local welfare agencies, and family help programs. Children understand more than you think and trust me he will appreciate that he has food, clothes, somewhere to keep warm and the love from you. He'll think we didn't have much but there was always food on the table and clothes on my back. I hope God blesses you with the right decision. And I know it gets hard but please keep your head up!

Answer 4

yea i think this is wrong you didnt give him those memories and spent 2 years of both of your lives just to give him away to some stranger.. dont worry your gonna be a great mom though times are rough.... love is all he needs and i bet your a perfect mommy for him

Answer 5

Kate, I am sorry to hear that. But, how would you describe "everything"? If that means material things like toys, don't worry. Kids don't need that. If you mean time he spends with you, love him when you ARE around.

Can you explain why you think you are "not good enough"?

p.s. If you REALLY, TRUELY can not provide for the child, then giving him up for adoption is the best you can do for him. BUT, please, please think about it very carefully before you do that. It's heartbreaking for you and if you decide to get your son back, it will be heartbreaking for him and the adoptive parents.

Do you have family counseling around where you live? As someone mentioned, perhaps it's depression, which is temporary. A lot of mothers feel inadequate, but children are resilient and so long as you keep them healthy, interact with them and give them love, believe me, you are doing a great job as a mother.

Answer 6

It is in the child's best interests to remain with his parents unless they are unfit to care for him or her.  Stuff is not nearly as important as family.

Answer 7

Alot of women go through a roller coaster of feelings.  It's not wrong as long as you don't let depression make your decision for you and it is done out of love.  I've been there with 3 children.  I bit my bottom lip and forced myself to improve our situation.  Some days it felt like Satan was throwing me to the ground and kicking me around, but now that my kids are older they don't look back and see what they didn't have, they know that they were loved.  They aren't completely grown yet, but they remember the fun we had without a dime to our names.  (Homeless for 2 years.)  Everyone has a down time in their life where they need help.  Even your child will.  Just know that God is with you and he has given you the tools to improve your situation.  You just have to accept them and use them.

Answer 8

You can always improve your standard of living even if you are a single mother.  Forget about the money situation right now and ask yourself the following questions:

1.  Is your child living in an alcoholic or drug environment?

2.  Are you an alcoholic or drug user?

3.  Has there ever been any abuse in your life?  If so, is your  child subjected to the same abuse.

4.  Do you live a life of turmoil and chaos such as arguments, fighting, etc?

4.  Have you properly cared for your child so far by putting all his needs first?  Nutrition, safety, quality time.

If you answered yes to any of the above then you need to get help immediately or put your child up for adoption because you are not putting your child first and it is likely he or she will follow in your same path.

If it is just about money.  Keep your baby and check all resources available to improve your life.

Answer 9

I don't know what you feel your son is missing, but EVERY mom in the world feels at some time like she's not a good mom or is not giving her child enough. Your son is bonded to you. You are the only mom he's known. It would hurt him tremendously to be given up at this age, so yes, I think it would be wrong to give him up for adoption. If there's something really extreme going on, like drug use (not saying that's the case, it's just an example) or you feel like you'll hurt him, then you should reach out to someone for help, maybe close relatives. If it's financial, can you reach out to relatives or to a local church or charity? Hang in there, and I'll say a prayer for you. Your little boy really does need you!

Answer 10

If you are positive that you can't provide for him and give him the necessary things that he needs, then it's not wrong to consider.

But of course, there are millions of mom's who are struggling out there and some even living on the streets who still wouldn't even THINK about giving up their children.

It's up to you to decide what's best for your child.  If you know that you could make ends meet (even if it is difficult as h**l) then you should do it.  He is after all your son and you've raised him for 2 years, so what makes it so hard all of a sudden?

Answer 11

absolutely not it is not wrong at all if God gave him to you then you are the parent that he needs.

Answer 12

If you are old enough to handle the responsibility and provide him with love, food, and everything he really needs, you are a good mother. If he throws tantrums because you won't let him do something, thats okay. You could talk to family about helping with the child.

Answer 13

As in all difficult choices you will need to look at every aspect of making this choice. I empathize with you because I made the decision to place my child 10 years ago. It wasn't just about the material things but the emotional needs as well. Materialistic things are nice but for me it was also about when would I spend time with my child, who would be raising my child while I worked  two jobs. What quality of life could I offer? I found the perfect couple who really spend a lot of time with my child, providing a loving supportive environment. I chose an open adoption and receive pictures and letters every year. I can not undo the choice but I take comfort knowing that she is happy, healthy, adored and loved. It took me 4 months of serious review of all of my reasons before making the decision. This is the last decision anyone should make based on emotion, or because they can't buy things. I wish you the best. Whatever decision you make will be the right one.

Answer 14

If you can't provide for your son what he needs to be a healthy happy baby, do what will be best for him, but if there are things in your life you can change to help yourself become a better mom, go that route, having a baby/toddler can be so fun as long as you keep yourself from getting too overwhelmed... Pray about it, consider your son and what his needs are, good luck, my prayers are with you!

**HUGS**  Toni Lynne

Answer 15

God gives us children for a reason.  He puts them in our life to love, and grow from.  If you are seriously thinking about this, then apparently you are not wanting to be a mother, so there is probably someone out there that is meant to be a better mom for your son.  I think you should pray about it, because every child deserves the very best when it comes to love, affection, and quality care.

Answer 16

What do you mean in that you don't feel you are a good enough mom? If he properly fed, clothed, and bathed? Is it all too much for you to handle? There's a difference in feeling like an inadequate parent because you can't afford to buy him lots of things and then feeling inadequate because you leave him attended and sleep on the couch all day. This is something you need to look within yourself for and see if you can improve. I grew up very poor but I never knew it til I was older because I had food and clothes and my family loved me and nutured me. I'm sure at times they felt guilty because they couldn't give me material things but when I look back on my childhood I only remember what I did have, not that my parents could never afford to take me to Disney world or afford to get me braces. Adoption would be a responsible choice if you determine that you just cannot do it and be a responsible parent. But remember that it's permanent.

Answer 17

Honestly as the others have mention all your son needs is Your love, Food, Clothes and a roof over his head that is all. IT's ok that you can't buy him things such as toys. Childred Amuse themselves with pretty much anything they find! if you find yourseld Struggling financially remember your state offers you so much help! You have WIC, Welfare, Medical! Look for a church that hands out boxes of food for needy family. Don't give up! You and your soon would suffer dearly! you have already bonded so well! Don't Give up! I will Pray for you! i hope you change your mind. You son Needs you and you need your son. You and your son are in my prayers. Remember to look to The Lord for he helps those who need the help. Ask and you shall receive. ask for the help of your friends and your family. Lift your worries to the Lord and he will provide! You are in my prayers!

God Bless yoU!

Yvonne

Answer 18

if you would have decided on adoption when he was born it would have been fine but now its kinda F*****  up. Do you have any family members willing to take him ? but if youre abusive to him then by all means give him up

Answer 19

I am in the process of giving my child up for adoption...however it is still inside my womb.

The only reason that i am doing this is because I am not financially able to provide all the needed requirements to take care of him and am struggling in order to survive. If you feel as though it would put the baby in danger to remain with you then you do what you have to. If you just feel as though you cant get him all the toys and things he needs then you keep him and just give him love. Or look to any family member that may be willin gto care for the baby until you get more stable.

Whatever you decide i wish you the best of luck.

Answer 20

I gotta disagree with all the "all he needs is your love" stuff.....love is wonderful absolutely. No doubt about it.

However, financially the child needs that too. In order to get food and clothing and shelter, you HAVE to have money---there's no way of getting around that fact. Kids are freakin' expensive!---and it only gets worse as they get older. Trust me when I say that their "toys" only get more expensive. ;)

Loving your child is wonderful. The most loving thing a parent can do for their child is to put THEIR needs first. And if you don't have the means in which to put a roof over their head, food in their belly.......then adoption is very viable.

I have all the love in the world for my son. I didn't have the means to support him though. And I recognized that before he was even born. I chose a family that had as much love to offer as I did....but they had the means too. It didn't take a genius to figure out what to do for him. I didn't just want him to grow up on love---I wanted him to have what I had. A wonderful family who could give him everything that I couldn't.

Answer 21

I gave up a child for adoption when I was 16 because I could not take care of her and had no family support.  You dont mention how old you are and if you have any help with your son but I can tell you that it was the hardest thing in my life that I ever did - 19 years ago.  I would advise talking to a professional before doing anything so drastic.  Every mother has times when they dont feel that they are doing a good job and feel doubts.  With the benefit of hindsight now, I honestly believe that a child is best with their natural parent unless the situation is one of abuse or addiction.  Good luck.  I know its hard being a mom but if you love your child then you will figure things out

Answer 22

When you say everything do you mean "material items" that are unnecesary?  

When your son looks at you, does he look at you with love and him knowing that you will always be there for him.  Being a good mom doesn't mean what you can always buy for him, it means how much you love him.  You keep him safe from harm, you help him when he is sick, you are the building block to knowledge and he loves you for anything you give him.

My kids don't have everything either, but ya know what, I betchya my relationship with my children are just a little better than those who always buy their kids things.  Just because material items are factored in our lives, some people forget about the love.  

Do you honestly think that giving your child up for adoption because of money, is worth it?  Imagine how you are going to feel 10, even 20 years down the road?  You will have that void and even having more children will not fill that gap.  You keep your child and provide the necessities of life.  When you can do things for him, do.  He will appreciate more for the little things.  

Just look into your sons eyes, and remember he is yours.  Love him and cherish him until the end of time.

Answer 23

Whether it is wrong or not, that is not for me to answer. However, you are this child's parent. Everyone is not Bill Gates and cannot give thier children everything in the world. That being said, you should do the best with what you have. Love, nurture, and care for this child. Be the best mom you can be. Everyone has rough times, I know I do. i have a two year old as well. I wish I would be able to better provide for her, but I do the best with what I have. I love her more than anything in the world. And that, is what makes me strive to be better, to do better... I do it for my daughter.

Answer 24

I believe no one cares better for a child or can love a child more than his own mother

Answer 25

Hi,

No, it's not wrong to consider adoption, but it may not be necessary. I'm a mom of 7 & was adopted as an infant, so i'm not pushing either on you. I'm sure all good parents have doubts & wonder if they're giving their child the best home or up-bringing at one time or another. sometimes when we don't have much to give we might think of letting our child go to another "better" home, but if we wait & try our hardest, things usually work out & then we are glad we didn't do anything like that after all.

If you truley don't have enough for your son, don't be afraid of adoption. Many good people would love to have a young child to love & raise & can't have one of their own.

Only you can make the decision, but take your time, your son needs you, if it's at all possible.

Answer 26

Absolutely, adoption is a great option! There are many couples out there that are looking for a child to adopt. A lot of adoption procedures are geared toward helping the birth mother. If you choose the right agency you should have a big say in who adopts your child. Sounds like you have some big decisions ahead, do you have a minister or pastor you can speak with about this decision? Perhaps your family doctor can get you in touch with resources that can help you make this tough decision.   I can tell from your question that you are a brave woman who loves their child enough to consider this decision. Best of luck to you.

Answer 27

yes it is i beleave because  i have 2 kids i am not rich but rich with there love and i would tell anyone times will get better and the child will oneday become a man and he will love you forever and also take care of you god has made away to take you through 2 years he will help for 16 teen more you can get help from the father and welfare but there will always be ways to take care of your child in u.s. there are so many organazation to help single mothers church groups and so many other things that can happen for you just remember god will never put you through nothing you can not handle he gave you your son as a gift and you should cherish that everyday.

Answer 28

No that is not wrong.  You are thinking of your child's needs and that makes you a great mom.  It takes a very mature woman to know when she is in too far and needs to make a change.  Parenting is tough for everyone, every stage and every step has its challenges.  If you know you are not providing for his needs and cannot be a mom because of your unique circumstances I think adoption is a great choice.  Make sure though that you are not being to hard on yourself.  Children don't need everything.  They must have food, clothing, medical care, a home, and lots and lots of love.  If you can provide those you are doing OK.  

I just adopted a little guy and his mom relinquished her rights when he was about 1 year.  She knew she could not give him the life he deserved, I admire her everyday for her unselfish decision.  

Good luck!!!

Answer 29

Do you love him? Cos if you do then thats what he needs most of all in the world. Have you bonded with him? Maybe you are suffering with post-partum depression (yes even two years later if it's gone untreated)

Answer 30

why do you feel this way... like your not a good enough mom?

Answer 31

I feel adoption is the most selfless(NOT SELFISH) thing any mother would do for her child.  If you know you cannot give your child the life you want for them then yes adoption is an option.  But if your simply feeling like you're not good enough, I think you should definitally get some councilling, because you don't want a decision you will forever regret.  You may just be going through post-partum depression(yes you can still have it 2 years later)  Or just depression, If you are poor there are things out there to help you though.  No money and not being able to provide doesn't mean you don't deserve your child.  God gave you this baby!  I hope you see a therapist though, it may do you some true good.  Don't let others bring you down either or pressure you into anything.  Adoption is an option but maybe not necessary ok!  Good luck and God bless