Is it wrong for me to feel this way one day before my daughters birth

Question

I'm 21 going to be 22 in roughly 2 months...I'm still in University, I'm happily engaged, my fiance has a well paying job, We have a small 2 bedroom house, and I have really prepared myself the best I can for motherhood. But lately I've been thinking that I should have waited another 5 years! lol I'm still quite young to be a mum, I feel like I should have traveled, finished school, paid off the house & had more fun with just myself & the hubby BEFORE we get pregnant. I know I can acheive all these things with a child, I just need a little more determination & money for a sittter occasionally.

I wanted to be a young mum, but I've just realized your late twenties is still quite young & the perfect time to have a baby for me. I feel abit stupid & hate to say it 'regretfull' that I hadn't waited longer before trying to get pregnant...will these feelings I'm having go away when I have the baby?? Did any other young mums feel this way?

Answer 1

We all feel different things but wait hun once you have your baby in your arms you will forget all about the things your thinking,

I had my first daughter at 17 and i felt i wish i had waited but 15 years on i know all my feelings i had about her back them were washed away when i gave birth to her  

Answer 2

It doesn't matter what age you are:  when you're about to have your first child you suddenly realize how desperately unprepared you are to be a parent.  

Good luck with the birth and the early weeks of parenthood (another time when most of us seriously doubt ourselves).  After that, it gets much easier and I seriously doubt you'll be questioning yourself at all.

Answer 3

I feel the exact same way. I'm almost 21 and 5 weeks away from giving birth to my first baby. Regret might be the wrong way to word it, but I wish I would have waited a few more years and focus on my undergrad studies, getting that sports car I've always wanted, gone to rock concerts, etc. I really think while we "regret" getting pregnant now, we'll see things differently once our babies are here. It's rough having a baby to take care of while you're in school, but lots of young women do it and feel fine about it.

Since getting pregnant, I can honestly say that i've matured alot and grown more responsible.

Good luck!!

Answer 4

I think the feelings will go away once you get past your fear & just start living the life that you've chosen (or that you've found yourself in), with as much joy & curiosity & drive that you can find in your soul.   Live life now, as it is, as best you can.  

  

Answer 5

Oh boy did I feel that way when my son was born!  I was 21 when I had him too.  I felt like I really didn't get a chance to "live" before kids.  

But the feelings changed as soon as I had him in my arms.  I was so incredibly in love with him that I forgot all about "living" before kids.  Having him in my arms *was* living it up.  Don't feel badly.  Most moms, even older moms, can feel that way.  You certainly aren't alone.  You will love your daughter and you will love living it up as a mommy :)  There will always be some regrets or things you wish you did before you had children, but everything will fall into place.

You are in an established relationship, you and your fiance own a home, he has a well paying job.  Those are things that most 21 year olds don't have those things.  Good luck tomorrow!  I'll be praying for you!

Answer 6

I had my eldest at 19 and my second at 23, I'm 29 now and it's great. I used to feel like you at times - it was very scary going into the hospital knowing you'll be coming out with a baby you are going to be responsible for, for the next 18 years! But now they are 9 and 6 and we go out and have fun, something I maybe wouldn't have been so up for if I'd waited. Don't worry, when I had my first son, I really, really felt this way (not so much with my second son),  but you do manage - you just do! I wish you luck. x

Answer 7

I had my first at 17, which is very young.  I had regrets throughout my pregnancy, mostly at the beginning.  I was upset with myself because there was so much that I wanted to accomplish in life before starting a family that I wouldn't be able to after having a baby.  I went through college, had another child while I was there, and now I have a good paying job, a house, a husband who loves me, and 2 more children and I am pregnant with twins.  

You can do anything you want...just don't give up.  Congrats on your baby!  You will enjoy having a baby.  It really is an incredible thing.  

Answer 8

I think anyone who seriously considers what they are getting into when they first become parents has doubts and second thoughts.  You are just being more honest about it than most.

Don't worry.  When you hold that baby, feed her from your own body, and look into each other's eyes, the doubts will all go away. Yes, there will be times when you have worries, questions, and concerns.  There will even be a few mistakes.  You'll never, ever be totally certain that everything will be alright.  But you will learn to trust yourself and your instincts, you will be the best mother you can be, and it will be enough.  

Congratulations.  Enjoy every moment with your baby.  They grow fast.  

Answer 9

I really believe it's hormones talking.  I just had a baby in Feb, was about to turn 30, have been married for 3 years (together for 6) and we were trying to conceive since our wedding and I STILL had those feelings.  It doesn't matter how old you are, it's very scary to realize your whole life is about to change.  You are completely normal in thinking this.  I'm not going to lie, it's very hard to have a baby sometimes but the rest of the time, you feel so full of love that you can't imagine life before your baby!!

Answer 10

No, it's not wrong to feel that way.  At least you are introspective and honest with yourself.  But, you can't undo the fact that you are having a baby and that you are going to be forced to give up some things those do not have children don't have to.  Instead of thinking and worrying about something you can't change, try to get excited and focused about the fact that you are going to be a mother and that you now have the awesome responsibility of raising a child to be a responsible human being.

Answer 11

dont worry u'll do fine

Answer 12

You'll be happy as larry when that baby is in your arms, yes, maybe you should have waited a litle longer, but what is done is done, you'll be a lot younger than some when your children are all grown up and left home.  You'll be able to travel and do all the things you want to do then, probably be more financially better off too.  You are also less likely to have problems with pregnancies if you have your children younger.

Answer 13

I was 20 when I got pregnant with my first son. At times I did feel that I wasn't ready to be a mom. But I had him and I fell in love with him. He six year old now. I was 23 when I had my second one. He four year old now and a mommy boy. I am 27 of course pregnant. But right now I wouldn't know want I be doing without my children. I love them very much. They are very important in my life right now. At times I do wonder where my life would be at right now if I didn't have any kids. I probably be lonely. I single mom. The father of my boys don't care about their kids. This baby daddy didn't respect me so I left him. But now I am in a new wonderful relationship. If I need any help with money wise or something he would help. He getting me a new anti freeze tank that he paying for. I didn't even ask. He making sure I am well taken care of. And he understands want I am going through. I think I might found the one who could be good father figure for my two boys. I might be having a girl. Right now I don't know want this baby father be like. But he does want to be in his child life.

Answer 14

These feelings are normal. After all your whole life is about to change.  I would say keep an eye on your feelings.  A small percent of women experience deppression before the baby comes.  Its like post patem deppression but it just starts before hand.  If these feelings you are having don't go away or really start to get you down and out, I would tell your doctor.  Especially since this is what you wanted and now you feel differently.  Its is too late to turn back now so chin up and just realize your gonna kick butt as a younge mother. Thats what I tell myself as I am 23 and 33 weeks along. I wish you luck and try not to worry.. you got this girl!

Answer 15

i dont think its wrong to feel this way at all. Im 21 too and my husband and i have been ttc for roughly a year now. They day i found out we were pregnant suddenly what i had assumed would be pure joy was instead when  i began questining alot of things. I never finished college, i ended up doing two years and joining the military, now im working on finishing my degree online. That was a concern. My 21 birthday was sober because i was pregnant, and part of me was extremely bitter because i wanted to be like all my friends who went crazy and went bar hopping and dont remember their birthdays one bit. The concerns went away for me after about three or four days. I realized that although i have missed out on many experiences i am also blessed with many that people our age have no found yet. I am so lucky to have found the man i love who supports me one hundred percent. At 21 i have a full time job, full benifits, am six credits from my degree, and have a family on the way. I think regrets are normal, i think questioning everything is normal, when your pregnant ive noticed i have think about things alot more than i ever had. Im confident the day you hold your baby in your arms you will have no more regrets. congradualtions... and stop over thinking things!!  

Answer 16

I went through that many times when i was close to having my son. I think everone does. You'll go back and forth before your baby is born. All that will chnge when you see him/her. I can't imagine my life without my son and nothing else matters. Everything will be just fine. Good luck!

Answer 17

everone has doubts expessially before a big day but once u see ur beautiful daughter that u creatated and know she is all urs u will feel so much better like u can take on the world. and omg GOOD LUCK tomarrow that is extremly exciting.

Answer 18

The grass is always greener. I am 30 and wish I had kids around your age. But I still have none and you take what life gives you. You'll do fine.  

Answer 19

Most times it is easier to have babies in your early 20's. It is easier to get pregnant usually in your early 20's. Once you hit 30 it all becomes more difficult. You will be okay, come to chat and chat with other moms for support when you feel you need it.