Is it wrong for me to not want my child to sleep in the bed with me?

Question

I have had custody of 2 boys for the past 2 years. They are 3 and 4. The first four months I allowed them to sleep in the bed with me because of the new environment/home. I then let them start sleeping in their own room. In betweeen moving we stayed at my mothers house and they slept either with her or in my sisters room, who was gone to college. I slept on the couch. When I would wake up the oldest one would be on the floor beside the couch sleep on the rug. Since we have got bigger house they sometimes share a room and sometimes sleep in seperate rooms but, never with me. This past week everyday that I have woke up the youngest is in the bed with me. I wake up and either he is right under me sleep or awake staring at me. They are boys and they are at the age where they reconize that they have a "pee pee" and Women have b***s. I dont feel as if they should sleep with me on a daily bases. I understand that children get scared and want the mom some times but sleeping with me should not become a habbit...... am i wrong for that?

Answer 1

No, you are absolutely not wrong. Kids need that independence and discipline. They need to know that they have their own room, and you have yours. Let them know that they are expected to sleep in their own room, because they're big boys now, and that sleeping with you isn't acceptable. Take it from me, you have to make this stop as soon as possible. My brother-in-law has a four year old boy and a three year old girl, and his wife let them sleep in the bed with her every night when he went to Iraq. He was in Iraq for 18 months, so of course the kids got accustomed to sleeping with Amanda, his wife. Now, he's been back for almost a year, and their kids STILL sleep with them every night. Even though they have a four bedroom house, and both the kids have decked out, super cute kids rooms with all the toys and kids stuff you can imagine, they still sleep with Daniel and Amanda.

So trust me, you don't want to let this become a habit.

Good luck!

Answer 2

I agree that you should not feel like your children have to sleep with you just because they WANT to sleep with you.  I don't think the reason should be because of anatomy.  You are their mother.  I'm sure it has a lot to do with security and also a rutine.  For instance, you said that they sometimes sleep together and sometimes not.  I think the best would be to make a plan and stick to it.  Either let them sleep in the same room or in their own rooms, but make it the same every night and have a bedtime rutine that doesn't change so that they feel secure in what is going on.  If the baby gets up and gets in bed with you.  Console him or cuddle with him and then carry him back to his bed.  Don't turn on the lights don't speak unless you have to and only in a whisper so that he understands that it is still bed time.  Kiss him goodnight and walk out of the room.  You may have to do this over and over for a while until he gets it.  Don't get angry with him, but be consistant in your plan and gentle but firm.  Good luck.  

Answer 3

I don't think u r wrong for not wanting them to sleep with u. But it maybe that there is something wrong that makes them come sleep with u. I looked up on the internet about Children having sleeping problems and this was one thing i found.

Sleep deprivation: Not getting enough sleep can lead to serious problems for your child and is all too common in our society.

Night waking:   All children have times at night when they sleep more lightly or wake up.  Night waking can become a problem when it is very frequent or when your child has trouble getting back to sleep.

Sleep onset associations:  This is the most common cause of children not being able to settle back to sleep.  Whatever they associate with falling asleep, like being rocked or a sucking a pacifier needs to be present for them to fall back to sleep.

Separation issues:  Separation problems can affect either you or your child.  Your child may feel anxious if you are not there, and so is unable to relax and sleep.  Likewise, you may feel anxious about your child, and go in to them every time they make a peep at night, even if they don’t need you.

Resistance to sleep/settling problems:  This is when your child does not want to go to bed at night.  They throw a tantrum, or stall, and just refuse to go to sleep.

Parasomnias:  These are disruptive sleep-related problems.  They are usually not anything serious.  They include things like teeth grinding and night terrors.

Answer 4

i dont think its wrong that you don't want them to sleep with you for some reasons but not because you have 'b***s and they have a pee pee'.. like they're perverts or something?... im assuming by how you describe it they are not your kids right?? if you dont want them to sleep with you maybe for other reasons besides that theyre 'perverted' maybe you should try a little harder to make them feel safe in their own beds

Answer 5

You're not wrong.  Kids that age should be in their own beds.  If they're sick or something you can make an exception, but they're old enough to be in their own room.

Answer 6

No, you're totally right.  I slept in my parents' bed weekly if not more often until I was like ten or maybe a little older because  I got so used to it and just went in there any time I woke up in the middle of the night.  Get them out of the habit now.  They will definitely be better off, and so will you.