Is it wrong for us to adopt?

Question

My husband and I have two biological children, aged 3 and 5. We are able to concieve, but have chosen to adopt our 3rd child. We have recieved a few comments off people that since we are able to concieve, we shouldn't be adopting (think of how it would feel knowing it is the only adopted child? Shouldn't you allow those who cannot conceive to have this child?) those sorts of comments.

How do you all feel about this?

Answer 1

Its not about what others think, its about what you think..

But i think its great that you want to adopt!

Answer 2

Well I have two children ages 4 and 16 month and although I could have more biologically, we too have decided to adopt. there is nothing wrong with what you are doing. As for those friends. There are thousands upon thousands of kids that need to be adopted, there are not enough people who cannot conceive in this world to adopt them all. I think what your are doing is wonderful. That child will be just as much apart of your family as your other two. Ever child deserves a home , and you are by choice willing to give that to them, even though you don't have too. Now that true love!!!! Don't get discouraged, Sometimes I think people tend to get jealous, when you do something that their not willing to do.

Answer 3

I come from a large mixed family.  Me and one of my brothers belongs to my dad.  Another brother belongs to my step mom. We adopted one boy.  And have two brothers living with us that will most likely be adopted in the next two years.  So in response to the "think of how it would feel knowing it is the only adopted child" it doesn't matter how you got there, your family is your family.  When people ask me, I say I have 5 brothers, not one step brother, one real brother...and so on.  I love them all, we are a family end of story.

In response to the "Shouldn't you allow those who cannot conceive to have the child" there are SOOO many children in foster care it is ridiculous.  More people should be like you.  If only the people who couldn't concieve took in these children imagine how many more there would be in foster care.

As long as you can support the child and give it all the love and care you give your biological children, i think this is a great idea.  It is also a great lesson for your children to help other who are in need.  Bottom line, if that child needs a home and you can give it a good one, people are crazy to complain about it.

Good Luck! Way to GO!

Answer 4

Why not? check out adoptuskids.com if you want to see a ton of kids who need to be loved by parents like you!

Answer 5

if u are both happy and secure about this idea and are good parents you should go about this but also think about your other children's feeling, Don't worry about other people words make your on decisions.

Answer 6

No. If anything it's great. I believe all children should have a good home regardless of what anybody says I think you should adopt. Maybe you could adopt an older child as there probably is a long waiting list of people wanting to adopt newborns and infants.

Good Luck and God Bless!

Answer 7

Absoloutley Not. I think its wonderful and unselfish of you to adopt even though you can conceive. Forget all those people who think its okay to make such comments, You are obviously a loving and caring family and a adopted child would be lucky to join it.

Way to go and good luck

Answer 8

It's a bueatiful thing to adopt a child and care for it. I also have a 3 and 5 year old and my last child will be adopted or when the time is right. Just don't get your tubes tied or anything you might change your mind and want another one of your own.

Answer 9

Its not wrong to adopt a child..... i think you help them with their problems.... one they lack of LOVE.... two, they really need some shelter for them.... three, they also need food to eat so that they can grow... fourth, they need parents who can help them, LOVE them, teach them what's right and wrong, teach them how to talk, write, sing and dance.....

Aside that you help them in their needs.... they can also give you pleasure for having them.... You are a good parents because you think for the good of the child.....

if your intentions are good you would not be conscious about what others might say.... You are a good person... Thank you for helping them.... PLEASE LET ADOPT A CHILD, so that he/she can have a better future.... God bless...

Answer 10

i think why have a baby when there are millions of children already alive who NEED parents

Answer 11

I think those comments are totally ridiculous and it never even would have occurred to me to think it could be "wrong" to adopt. You are absolutely not depriving someone else of being able to adopt. Unfortunately there are a lot of unwanted children in this world who very much need homes with loving parents who want them. Anyone who tells you otherwise has never been to an orphanage and they also have no idea what it means to want a child or have a child. Children in this world need homes and parents. It is wonderful beyond measure to take an already living child as your own and not add another human being to our already very overcrowded world just so you can have someone new in your life to love. It would be a totally different and far better world if most people considered adoption before they had a biological child.

Answer 12

I say this...

There are MILLIONS of children out in this world that nobody wants anything to do with.  Yes you can have your own children, but why, when you can give somebody elses a place in your heart and give them the chance they never would have had otherwise.  I think it is absolutely wonderful.  There are plenty of babies in the world that need adopted and should be... I have high respect for couples that adopt AFTER they have had their own children.  It's wonderful.  The child they adopt will have a full family to go home to that loves him/her dearly.  Good luck and yes, do it!  There is a child out there that needs you!

Answer 13

Don't listen to others, keep listening to your heart! What a wonderful gift you'll be giving some unwanted child! I'm sure you'd raise the child as your own...answer any questions they may have later on...and just love em. I say what a fortunate child you will have. And to your friends who stick their nose in your business,tellem there's enough orphans to go around Maybe they should consider it! Good luck with your adoption, And God bless you two!!

Answer 14

Every child deserves a loving family.  I think people who make these comments are shallow.  Anyone who is willing to provide a loving stable home should be allowed and encouraged to adopt a child.  

Good luck to you.

Answer 15

no adoption is one of the most exciting things to do because your giving a helpless child some hope :)

Answer 16

Do whatever you want.  It's not like there aren't PLENTY of children awaiting adoption.  Perhaps you should consider a child that is over 1 year old . . .

Answer 17

WHAT? What kind of IDIOTS would tell you not to adopt? There are so many kids out there who need a good home ad loving parents and siblings. How cool of you to want to welcome a child into your home. It doesn't matter that you can concieve another, but that you are UNSELFISH enough not too. Good for you.

Answer 18

Its perfectly fine.   I could more understand if say there were only 10 children/babies left that needed to be adopted.  This however is not the case there is no shortage of children that need to be adopted.   I think it’s great if a couple/person chooses to have a mix of adopted and natural kids.  I applauded you and your husband for deciding to give a loving  home to a child that needs one.

Also I’m 1 of 4, and the only adopted one. I have never had any problems over being the only one adopted.

Answer 19

I think it is a great idea that you adopt.  There are soooo many children in this world who needs a loving family.  An y loving person/family who wants to adopt is okay with me.  Forgot about what everyone else thinks.

Answer 20

We are going through adoption right now. I should think of you as more "competition". But there are so many kids needing a loving family and home, that you are a fellow traveller in our journey to adopt. How can anyone resent that???

My take: good luck in your adoption and don't let idiots stop you from adopting.

Answer 21

I think it depends on your reasons to adopt.  Are you drinking the adoption koolaid?  What is your view on adoption loss?  What is your view on coercion as it stands with regards to why people place their children for adoption?  What is your views on biological families?  What about open adoption?

There are plenty of people out there that would make fabulous adoptive parents and do so in a way that doesn't trample across either the biological families nor the adoptee's needs.  If that is your intention, than no it isn't wrong for you to want to adopt.

But, if you are indeed drinking the adoption koolaid and are looking at adoption from the win-win scenario, than yes, you should reconsider adoption or at minimum try to remove the rose colored glasses before acting on that desire.

Answer 22

Do what is right for you and your wife...

If you want to adopt go ahead.. its not anyone else's business

As long as you never treat that child differently, and the other children don't either..... go for it..

Many children without homes..adoption is a great thing!

Answer 23

That's called ignorance my dear.  Why in the world would there be anything wrong with adopting a child?  But these kinds of comments usually come from grandparents and other family members who are afraid that they won't be able to love that child just like your bio ones.  We have close friends that had 4 children and just adopted three and I can assure you that if you saw how well it has worked for them, it would put your mind at ease.  They are all in love with each other and there are 3 less orphans in the world.  We have 3 children, and one on the way and are looking into adoption too!  Most people don't know what to say, so they gotta say something.  Don't be afraid to do what most people can't imagine doing(I know cause honestly I thought I couldn't do it myself until seeing others that I know do it so well).  Blessing to you and your family!  www.myspace.com/allison729

Answer 24

Wow, I've been right where you are.  My husband and I had a healthy beautiful daughter and a healthy beautiful son.  Both were biological and we had no trouble getting pregnant or during the pregnancy.  

We decided we wanted a 3rd child.  We looked at our options and decided that we wanted to adopt this time.  Adoption was something I had always wanted to do since I had been single and my husband's heart had softened to the idea as well.  

However, when we told each of our families about it, you should have seen the looks on their faces!  

I'll cut to the present time since we IGNORED all their rude comments and stupid remarks.  We adopted a 3 year old little boy from Guatemala.  He has been with us for almost a year now and I can't imagine our family without him.  My bio kids have literally THANKED me for their little brother.  Instead of US being a blessing to HIM.....HE has been the blessing to US.  He fits in perfectly and to be honest, sometimes I FORGET that he isn't biological.  It seems that he has been here since he was born.  

As for the people that think you should let the children be adopted by those who cannot conceive........believe me.....there will ALWAYS be children that need a loving mommy and daddy and a safe home.  I don't think there will EVER be a day when a prospective parent calls an adoption agency and the agency says "You know what, there are NO KIDS in the world that need a family right now."  

Only YOU and YOUR HUSBAND know in your heart what child will fit in your family.  It may be a baby, it may be an older child...a girl, a boy....a child from the United States, or an international child.  YOU GUYS are going to be the parents for the rest of the child's life......who cares what everyone else thinks.  

As for my family.  They have spoiled my son rotten.  And are ashamed of the way they acted when we first told them we wanted to adopt.  They STILL apologize.  

Good luck and God bless.

Answer 25

Who cares what other people say? You and your husband need to decide what is best FOR YOU FAMILY, and situation. You don't need other people deciding for you. Period.

Answer 26

i was adopted so i am gonna say it isn't wrong because if i wouldn't have gotten adopted i would be in a bad place right now you always have to think about the kid would it be better for them and than you have to think about the kids you do have would your adopting affect them so all i can say is it is your choose don't let anyone change you mind on what you want to do

Answer 27

No!  It is not wrong for you to adopt.  There are many more waiting children in this country, and in others, than there are people in line to adopt!  You are not "taking a child" from someone who can not have one.

We have two biological children and a third on the way.  We intend to adopt one, possibly two, child(ren) from China.  And we have not ruled out having another biological child either.

The people who are making these sorts of comments to you are ignorant of how many children there are that need homes and how relative few families are willing to take them in.  Perhaps during your own adoption quest, you could "educate" them.  You never know, they might end up adopting also!  

I think it is a wonderful thing that you want to adopt.  And if you DO have concerns about the child being the only one adopted, you could possibly adopt a sibling group or a second child later.  But, I think that as long as a child is loved s/he will not mind being the only one adopted.  Love is the most important thing.

Answer 28

I think it's great that you and your husband are willing to adopt even with the fact that you are able to conceive. There are millions of children out there who are in need of homes.

If this is really something you want to do, don't be too concerned with the opinions of others. Yes, there are people out there who can't have their own kids and would like to adopt...but it is a fact that there are plenty of children out there and you adopting is not going to hinder the happiness of another family. It will instead, give that child a decent loving home and family with two beautiful siblings (I'm sure.)

So do what your heart says, and the rest is history.

Wishing you the best...

Answer 29

There are so many children in this world that need a loving home.  If you want to have another child and you choose to adopt, I feel that is a very selfless thing to do.  Many people adopt when they can't have thier own children, which is wonderful.  It is just as wonderful when you know you can have a child, but choose to love a child that is not biologically yours.  Providing a home to a child in need instead of giving birth to one should never be looked at as wrong.  Best of luck to you.

Answer 30

Listen to your heart, not other people who think they know everything !

Answer 31

it shouldn't matter if your able to concieve or not, all that matters is that you will love the adopted child unconditionally and treat him or her no differently then your biological children