Is it wrong if i dont feel like letting my 10 mnth old child go to her grandma's house due to reasons below?

Question

1) She & my 40yr old unmarried sis-in-law loves children a lot but they always want that baby should be with them & prefer them first then me.

2) their love is so blind thst they wont let my baby sleep till its midnight or if she wakes up at 11p.m. they will play with her till she sleeps.

3) they intentionally speak so loud that my child wakes up & they can play.

4) they want to do all the child's work & tell me to go to market or outside or do other works.

Pl.do guide me if i'm harsh or wrong in doing so as i feel insecured about my daughter that she may not long to come to me & play wit them?

Answer 1

I think your a little over protective. They are your family and they want to play with your child, I mean there should be some rules set, but your cant be selfish either.

Answer 2

you have to be firm with them.  let them know that she is YOUR child, and if they want to continue looking after her then they must stick to your instructions regarding her sleep routine.  tell them that they are not helping the baby to establish proper routines, and she will end up spoilt if they carry on.  you must be firm with them - they love her, that is clear, but they have no right to undermine you as a parent.

Answer 3

They are like a luxury to her cause she doesnt get them all the time. But trust me, even if she doesnt want to leave them at first, she will always be happy to go back to mama. My niece is like that with me, she wants her auntie b/c I spoil her more than her mom, but in the end after a weekend with auntie she wants mommy. But really though you are the mom and if they arent going to respect you as such and do as you say with your child then they dont need to keep her.

Hope that makes sence to you. Good luck.

Answer 4

If you feel any reasons for not leaving your child alone with your parents, then don't do it. The child is yours. They may want to be overbearing and take control, but if they do it too much, just remind them that she is yours and you want to raise her in your own way.

Answer 5

That's what grandma's and aunts do! You'll always be her mommy, but that is just what they do. I remember my aunts talking loudly to wake up my cousin when he was a baby so they could see him, etc. He and I both turned out fine and both love our mothers very much. As far as #4, maybe they feel like they are giving you a "break" from "kid time" to do adult things - it sounds like your family loves your daughter very much. Grandmas do this because they had to be the "mom" with their OWN children - with grandchildren they get to be softer and fun. Don't get me  wrong, you don't have to let her go there every day for hours on end, but don't keep your child away from her grandmother just because she is doing what a grandma does :) You will always be her mom - so let her grandmother be her grandmother.

Answer 6

You need to let them know how things need to be when they are over there- by way of bedtime and what to do when the your baby wakes up.  but based on the 1st reason you have it sounds like you are jealous of them wanting to devote attention to the baby rather then yourself... which is very greedy... not to mention you say "that baby".... if you do not want them to do certain things then do  not allow her to go and spend the night over there.... it is that simple.

Answer 7

I'm 53 1/2, I have a 5 year old grandson.  I was spoiled rotten at my grandparents house BUT she was also a Sunday school teacher, a real estate agent and when she said for me to behave, I tested her a lot but I knew she'd come after me with the hairbrush or at least give it a good effort.  

What I'm trying to say here,  she had Mama's rules to go by and she had her own.  After all, she was my mama's mother!  

YOU are the mother of that child.  If you are still young enough to make them wonder about your motherly authority, well, then you need to step up to the plate and have a little discussion with them.  Wanting to play and give you relief to go run errands, that's fine.  Waking a 10 month old up in the middle of the night,  NO WAY!  The child has to have a routine.  My Lord, it's hard enough to get them into a routine of sleeping through the night as it is,  you surely don't want them to be awakened by "well-intentioned relatives"  who could pick a better time of day to play!   Absolutely not!

I am trying to guide you.  When I had my 2 children, they were in bed on weeknights no later than 9 pm. period.   Grow a backbone kiddo!  You're mom!  If you let them railroad you at this point, you won't have any authority when the kid gets older.  

And all of the rest of you know I'm right so don't blow me off with a bunch of thumbs down!  Children this young need rules and routine.  NOT a couple of dilly-dally women relatives who think they can take over the authority of the child's own mother.  If it were me, I'd simply tell them this:  

"I'm sorry, but because my rules be respected regarding MY child, I'm going to have to forego bringing her over here for a while until the two of you can understand that my rules regarding my child will be adhered to."  No yelling, just a fact.  

If they don't get the point, don't go.  You are within all your parental rights not to subject your child to this wanton neglect of supervision and a decent routine.

Answer 8

You seem to be concerned that the kid will not come to u which is normal. I also felt same way when I left my kid with grandma to join back office. But this never happened. You will always remain the most imprtant part of your kid throuh out his life. he will always come back to you no matter if you scold him or do not want pamper him. Actually kids like someone who controls them.

As far as pampering from grandma is concerned, it is Ok . Grandparents are supposed to pamper. If it happens for a few days, its Ok. If you are stayin with them and want your child to be disciplined, talk to them and tell them how it is goin to cause problems in future if we do not discipline him now. take ur husband's help if it is a permanent problem.

I really feel you are lucky that your inlaws want to take care of the child. If you are going to their place for few days, do not bother if it upsets his routine. Just enjoy yourself as you will not find time from coming 5 years for yourself. It is lot of running arnd the kids till they are able to take care of themselves. So take time out. go out . Spend some time with hubby , go watch a movie.

Answer 9

You have a loving family that wants to share their love with your child! To help you by babysitting and spoiling her with affection.  Boy, you just don't know a good thing when you have it!  There is not a child around who doesn't know the difference between grandma's house and mom's house.  My grandma used to let me eat Cool Whip out of the container but that doesn't mean I ever expected my mom to.  She knows the difference, trust that.  Mom is not replaceable.  Please do not deprive your child of the joys of family.

Answer 10

From how I read your reasons, I got the Gr'm and aunt love this child. They want to shower her with attention. I do not view that as a bad thing.

However, if it bothers you. You can address the issues in a way that will not hurt their feeling:

1.) They are happy to see baby. It's not that they want baby to prefer them first, and then mommy. - No-one can replace a mommy. There is not another person like baby's mommy (to baby).

It's that Grandma and Auntie want mommy to be able to have some time to herself. Which most mommy's don't get a lot of. Let Gr'm and Auntie have a moment in time, that makes them feel like they are important in baby's life, and able to help mom.

If it bothers you. Just let them know that you would prefer that baby and you adjust to the change in the daily routine, (them visiting) before they jump in and take over.

2) As for night time wakings. Just make a rule, and explain: "I am trying to get baby to sleep better. Because, of this, I have made a rule, 'No playing with baby during the night.' If she wakes, give her a bottle and put her back in her crib. "  (You can insert your night time routine, if she wakes.)

3.) When you first get together, remind them, that it's great they want to spend time with baby. However, we need to be quiet. Baby needs sleep so she wont be grumpy and will enjoy the time they spend together.  Baby will be able to show you she learned how to ______ (Crawl, walk, stand, wave....), when she wakes.

4.) Let them do all the baby/child work. They are trying to give mommy a break. Enjoy a short break and then jump back in a say, "Thanks, for allowing me some time for myself, but I miss baby too much and would prefer to do that."

Answer 11

you are mom and you out rank them.

i had to tell this to my father...he still doesn't get it, i am mom i am boss (in regards to my four year old).

he is no longer to be alone with my son. (little annoying issues, along those lines but different..nothing serious)

but because he can not respect me or my way of raising my son, dimisses everything i say and tells my son i suck and not to listen to me (he tought my son that word sucks.....great!, i really don't like that word for a four year old)

he is not to be alone with him, grandma has to be around.

so no i agree with you if they can't respect you are mom you are boss and you make the rules then they can not see or spend time with baby.  it is disrespectfuly to you (and your daughter) that they behaive that way.  your daughter shouldn't see your family constantly disrespecting you or she will think it is okay.  right now it may not do much in short visits but after time it will.

they obviously don't respect your daughter if they are purposely talking loudly or turn up the tv/radio or make other loud noises to wake her up to fill their selfsh needs of playing with baby.

if they can't go by your rules with your little one or can't respect that you have them and outright contradict you and behave like you don't know anything or have rules that are ridiculas and ignore them because they disagree,(or they are just plain selfish) well then they must not want to see her.

they are blatently disregarding your authority as mom, and that is unacceptable.

they should respect your wishes about your daughter and stick with in the boundries.

if they won;t let her sleep tell them, if you won't let her sleep i guess then we will have to go home.  say it calmly just as if you were asking them to pass the potatos (but still be firm) and once you say it you must have the follow through!

good luck!

Answer 12

your baby will fall sick this way. no rest. be strict. u r the mom not them. why dont u say anything?

Answer 13

You have to be strong. Sounds like your soft spoken and maybe they have strong personalities??

Your the mom.  Be strong. Dont let them tell you to go to the market or work outside while they keep your baby. You gotta stand up for yourself and your baby or this will continue forever!!

Answer 14

Only allow her to stay over if they follow your guidelines & empathize on the importance of routine for your daughers well being.