Is it wrong if you home-school one child and not the other?

Question

One is easy to deal with acedemically while the other does not listen just plays around. nothing seems to get his attention, so i figure why not send him to school. Do you think I am being unfair to him? Or is it that I know my child and I know what is best for them. Desperatly need feedback on this.

Answer 1

This is a difficult situation.  One of my daughters was doing well in school, and the other was having severe problems.  She would tell me that she had no homework every day, that she finished it in a special study class that she had.  The 17 year old just had a baby on April 15th and had to finish the last school year with home study, and she did it with no problems, and took good care of her son as well.  The 16 year old had to be home schooled when other children made fun of her because she is emotionally about 8 years old but has an I.Q. of 162. She ended up hospitalized because of the tormenting that she experienced.  Although I have a college education, she didn't cooperate with me, but when the school provided a tutor who worked with her in the public library, she did very well.  The following year she was mainstreamed with an I.E.P. and has more self confidence.  Some children will show more respect to teachers and adults other  than their parents.  My special needs child has Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and will not pay attention to what I tell her, but her teachers tell me that in school she is mostly a cooperative student and "a joy to be around".  Some children just cannot be taught anything from their parents, but if your other child is responding well to home schooling and the other is not, perhaps he needs to be in school and will respond better for the school staff than for you.  If your school system has a special education program and uses I.E.P.'s, he will receive individual attention for whatever needs he may have.  They are both your children, but as you know, sometimes they have individual needs, and I see nothing wrong with sending one to school and home schooling the other.  If you feel like it is unfair, it really is not.  There are many times when you will have to deal with them differently for their own good.  It may be more unfair to keep him in a situation where the other sibling excels and he on the other hand has different needs.  He may end up with a poor self image by comparing himself to his sibling, and there you are with more problems.  There are just some children who will rebel at home and excel in a more educationally structured situation with other children around them.  It has worked well for my girls.  One works well on her own, and the other does not.  I just make sure that I keep close tabs on what the school is doing for her and make sure that I know what is expected of her on a week to week basis.  I can see that you care deeply for both of them, but it appears to me that the one who won't listen to you may listen better for a stranger.  That's just how some children are, and my youngest is one of them.  I had to send her to school, and she has an I.E.P. (Individual Education Plan) and we have regular meetings to review her progress and needs, and the student is in on the meeting so that he/she can express their concerns and needs as well.  That way, the child knows what is expected of them as well as having some say in what they feel that they need.  The plus is that I am still involved in her education, and she is getting what she needs. It has been a win/win situation for both of us.  Most schools will let you visit classes so that you can observe. If you wish to discuss this further, Please feel free to e-mail me.  My oldest is my youngest's half sister and I adopted one at infancy but just got custody of the oldest in 2005, and she has gone from D's and F's to A's , B's and C's in the last 2 years.  They are both honor roll students.  They just had different needs to get good results.  Good luck to you, I hope that this helped you!  Us moms have to stick together and help each other!  All the best, CAS44077

Answer 2

I don't think it's wrong to homeschool one child and not the other, but by homeschooling you can better help your child pay more attention. It might help to talk to him about why he just plays around. Being in public school might not help him with that; it might only get worse. A lot of parents homeschool their kids to teach them how to behave well and stay focused. If it's the laid-back environment that is causing him to act that way, talk to him and about it and try a more structured schedule. If that doesn't work and it is too much for him, then sending him to school is okay.

Answer 3

I dont think it is wrong to hs one and not the other. You need to do what is in the best interest of each child and what works for them.

I would discuss this with the child in question and see what they are wanting. I would also look into the fact that you are wanting to send them to PS to make it easier on you. I understand this feeling do not get me wrong. You might want to explore it a little more though before you make the choice.  How do you think they will do in a PS setting? It might help them, who knows. If they go to PS, check for changes and pull them out and HS if needed.

Answer 4

It depends. Do you think you can give this child a better education then what he could have had in school? If not, send him. Having a teacher that's not his own mother might help.

Answer 5

It really depends on the situation.  One of my friends homeschools her two sons, while her daughter attends a local school.  Her sons love being homeschooled, while her daughter really enjoys being in school.

Your son that plays around may need a school setting, or he really may just need to be taught in a different way.  Does he retain information  that he hears, but not so much what he sees or reads?  He is probably very, very auditory and needs to be taught in that manner.  Or does he really not retain what he sees and hears, but if he moves, he can learn?  Or if he builds something out, he's got it?  He is probably kinesthetic, in which case public school would just get him a recommendation for Ritalin.

My son is both auditory and kinesthetic (meaning he needs to hear and move in order to learn), and this earned him a Ritalin recommendation on the second day of school.  He wasn't having trouble focusing, the teacher just didn't know how to handle his "problem tendencies" (i.e., boredom) and actually demanded he be medicated if he were to remain in her classroom.  Uhh, ok...

The first few months of homeschooling were a disaster because I had him working through a very structured curriculum with tons of workbooks and little else.  He hated it!  I did quite a bit of research, and figured out I was boring him all over again.  I now give him a large variety of ways to learn (some of them auditory, some of them hands on, and some of them visually) so that he's always involved in something.  I allow him to toss a ball or walk around while listening to information, and he can nearly quote it word for word afterward.  Drives me nuts sometimes, but he's learning well from it!  I give him plenty of movement breaks, which helps keep his focus up.  Meanwhile, I gradually increase the amount of visual work I give him (while supplementing it with audio books and projects/activities) to train him to obtain and retain written information so he can do so when he's older.

He'd either be bored silly or eaten alive in a public school.  Homeschooling, while not convenient for me, is the best choice for him.

You really need to ask yourself why you're considering sending him to public school.  Do you think he'd do better in the classroom-accountable setting?  Go ahead and give it a try, it might work wonders (and you can always pull him if it doesn't).

Or is it because he's just not responding well to your current curriculum?  In this case, he may well have a learning style that is not conducive to a public school classroom, and you would probably be better off switching up his curriculum and teaching him in a different way.

But no, it's not wrong to homeschool one child and not the other.  No one educational option is right for every child - just make sure of your motives, that you're honestly doing what's best for each of them.

I hope that helped?

Edit - by the way, I completely agree with what busymom said.  If the reason for sending the child to school is that you're just not sure what to do with him, then yes, that's wrong.  That's a sign that you need to take a different tack with him in order to truly reach his heart and teach him.

Answer 6

I know a number of people who haven't homeschooled all their children--some in school, some at home. There's nothing wrong with it.

You have not given much information on this child that is causing you problems.

-How old is he? If he's fairly young, he may not be developmentally ready, even if your other child was at that age.

-Has he already been in school? Was he like this in school? If so, then sending him back isn't really going to fix anything, except give you some part-time relief. Regardless of where he does his schooling, finding parenting books with tips on how to deal with things like this would be helpful.

-What approach have you taken with him? Maybe the style you are using just is not what he needs.

-Are there underlying issues?

-Is this a child who just doesn't listen to you in general? Do you have a strained relationship with him? Reading parenting books could help.

It's hard to say if you are doing this because you know what is best for him or if you're just wanting to do it out of frustration. The thing is, sometimes kids show us that we can't go about changing them but that we need to change ourselves to reach them. You know yourself best, you know what you've tried, you know your son better than we do and you know whether you are willing and able to do more to reach him. If you've read and researched and truly tried everything and just feel that he'd be better off with a different teacher, then do it.

Answer 7

i think parents don't understand the function of teachers. we are not there to babysit and or to discipline your child. they should come that way already. for you to send your 'playful' child to school is just a distraction to other children that wnt to learn. unless your child has a disability, then i think you need to make sure that he is well behaved so that everyone in the classroom has a fair chance of learning.

i certainly don't endorse meds but you need to discipline your child not only for home but so that when he's in school, he's not one of those kids that makes it hard for other kids to get it because he has to be constantly watched.

and i also think that people shouldn't have more kids than they can handle. children are a big deal and take a lot of work. my dad used to check my bookbag and til i was in the 12th grade i had to be in bed by 9. never got a beating but i was 'trained' to do my best and sleep and everyday i had to watch 2 epidsodes of Jeopardy (because i was kinda slow in school) and my dad went over my homework with me. it wasn't that he had time, i am one of 8 children, its just that PARENTING is supposed to be hard. i'm only 23 and i would do it the same way all over again. i went to college and graduated at the top of my class. how about that for a story!

Answer 8

You asked for an opinion, but you may not like what I have to say.

Yes,  it is wrong, absolutely wrong.

You do not state their ages, and we really do not know your family situation, so the feed back is generic.

Home schooling is not just about academics, it's about family.

We cannot just say, "you are harder to deal with so I will let someone else handle it", you are the parent, and it is your child.

The message send to the child who is not as "compliant" is as follows, "you are not living up to my expectations, so I am not going to be with you", my love, time and attention depends on how well you listen to me.

A parents love is, and always will be unconditional, even if you do not like what they are doing, and a child needs to know that.

Take the time to get to know each of your children as individuals, spend time with them, and accept them the way they are, not the way you want them to be.

Your son will come around, maybe he is waiting to see what you are going to do next?

If at this stage of his life all he wants to do is play, get down on the floor with him and play.

Much can be learned during this time together, and more is taught than you may realize.

He can also help dad out in, and around the house, if a child feels included, and valued it will respond.

Playing board games, computer games; educational ones; like math blasters, star wars math and others can be just what he needs to get interested in learning.

Go to the library, and let him pick out his own books, or just browse.

Play is a wonderful teaching tool, and each child is unique.

Treasure their differences, and work with it.

When you work with one child, let him play, do invite him to join in, but do not make him.

Next spend time with your other son, take an interest in what he is doing.

Later in the day go do something fun together as a family.

You may also have to look into a different method of schooling for each child, we home school our children because we do realize that there is no one size fits all.

View a little video, it may help.

Click on the purple box to view the whole video for free.

http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/

Blessings.

Answer 9

it depends on you actually. if you think that that's best for him then it would definitely better. You're a mom right so you definitely know what's best for them. I and my brothers are some kind of like that. I and a brother is in home schooling while the other is not. So it really depends on what you think is best for them. Try to talk to your child also and see what he thinks about this. Ask him which would he like. Consider his opinions too.

or maybe at first you could go let him try home school first then if it doesn't work out, maybe you could transfer him to an ordinary school.  God bless! =)

Answer 10

In our family, we do what is the best learning environment for each child.  My son is HS'ed and my daughter is in PS.

You didn't say how old your son is that is "playing around".  My guess is that he's early elementary age and is just "being a boy" and needs to move while learning.  Do not try to do "school at home" with him.  If you're trying to make him sit at a desk and sit still, well, he's trying to tell you that's not his learning style.

You should find out each child's learning style and select their curriculum based on that.  Whatever you're using is probably fine for the "easy" one, but totally off for the "playing" one.

You will be surprised at how much your son learns and retains if you allow him to move.  My son had an exercise ball for a chair from age 5-8.  He also got a fidget toy while I was reading to him.  Or he'd lay upside down off of the couch, or roll around on the floor.  He retained WAY MORE info when I let him be active.  He is NOT ADD or ADHD - just at a young age needed to move.

There are a lot of kinesthetic (movement) activities you can do with him - just think outside the box and/or get a book about learning styles.