Is it wrong not to let certain people in my house?

Question

I'm not two faced. If I dislike someone I don't go out of my way to let them know it but I have the balls to keep my distance even when everyone else 'puts up' with their behaviour. In the same way, I refuse to allow such people in my home. My home is my sanctuary, away from people I dislike and a place where I can relax. I keep it clean for my benefit, not so that my boyfriend can invite his pratty friends round (who he has a hot/cold friendship with anyway). I feel this strongly about very few people, I could count on one hand the amount of people, and I just feel that their behaviour both towards me and others warrants them void in my life, therefore I don't want them in my home. My boyfriend thinks I'm being unreasonable and tells me that if I feel this way, I should tell them. Which is fine, but he feels the same way - he just doesn't have the balls to say it.

So. Am I within my rights?

Answer 1

I think that you should explain to your boyfriend how your home means so much to you and how you feel so secure there with him.  If people you don't like are in your home, tell him that it makes you feel uncomfortable within your own walls.  Tell him that perhaps it doesn't make sense to him, but if he loves you, he should support you with this wish.

I feel the same way.  I was very involved with my kids' school, but there are some women I never met in my home.  I would arrange for us to meet at the school.  I feel that my home is my peace.  I'm very proud of it, but it's mine.  It may sound completely insane to some people so I think it's interesting that you have the same thoughts about it.

Answer 2

Yup! your home is your private world where you make the rules and you should be able to dictate who you do and don't want in your personal space. I've vetoed a few of my boyfriends friends from our home because who needs the stress? If you can't be comfortable in your own home, where can you be?

Answer 3

your being unreasonalbe

if you like him you have to accept his firneds

Answer 4

naah its not wrong, my mum doesnt let some people into our home because they trash the house, and others she couldnt care less because they respect our property

Answer 5

Definitely.  Your house, your rules.

Answer 6

Be bold, pick up the gauntlet and stop playing chicken.

Answer 7

it is your house.... you say who is allowed in and who isn't! duh! :)

Answer 8

You are right. If you live in the home and pay the bills, you have the right to make the rules. If you don't want some people in, then don't let them in. You are not conceited. If you feel uncomfortable about letting them into your house, then don't let them in. Just don't be snob about it. That will make you loom bad.

Answer 9

You are TOTALLY within your rights.  It's your home too (assuming he lives there as well).  If he DOESN'T live there then you have ALL the say in what happens.  I'm the Queen ***** in my castle too and I'll let anyone know it.

Answer 10

Of course you are!

Answer 11

I'm totally the same!  I let my boyfriend know that some of his mates are not welcome (because I know they'll end up here for the next week!), but when I'm out he can do as he likes as long as he cleans up after.

As long as its not all of his friends then its alright, if there are only one or two you don't like then you can have a calm conversation for as why you don't want them in, but obviously if its everyone he knows then it can be taking the micky.  And you must let him say which of your friends he doesn't want in the house too!

Answer 12

Your house - your rules.

You decide who to let in and who not.

Stick to your guns. You don't need 'rights' to defend your own castle from those you don't want inside.

Tell 'em why - it's your choice.

Answer 13

do you share the home with him? If no you have every right to decide who comes and who goes. No exceptions.

If he doesn't pay rent, he doesn't get a say. Simple as that. Tell him to invite his friends over to his house.

Answer 14

It's YOUR house. You don't have to have anyone in there whom you don't want. Tell your boyfriend to take the frat rats elsewhere.  End of story.

Answer 15

No. Tell the one or two that they are no longer welcome.

Answer 16

If they abusing your house and you don't get on with them then yes.  I also feel the same i want to sit down of an evening in my house without feeling under pressure to amuse people i don't really want there.

Can you suggest to your boyfriend that if he wants to see his mates then he should go to the pub, especially if he feels the same way as you.  If these people make you feel uncomfortable then you have every right to put them in their place!

Answer 17

indeed you are. your actions seem reasonable and justified!

Answer 18

Punkin it is your house you pay the bills do whatever the h**l you want!

I say the same thing, I had this ex gf of mine who did me so wrong.  After a long day and week at work I come home to find her skinny *** sitting on my DECK because my BF is friends with her cousin.  She sees me and is all so nice and stuff.  I stare her down walk into the house call my BF in and tell him.  You have some nerve bringing her to our home don't ever do it again understood and either you tell her to leave now or I will.  He walked out and escorted her down the driveway.  I did not talk to him for two weeks, he knew he did wrong.

Do not mess with our sanctuary!

Answer 19

You're perfectly within your grounds to refuse to admit people you do not wish to have inside your home.  I don't quite understand the last bit, though, you don't tell them they can't come over?  How do you keep it from happening?  Do you expect or accept anything from them (such as, going to their house, or accepting birthday presents)?

The catch is, are you living with your boyfriend? If so, then it's his house too, and you will have to come to some agreement if you disagree on who is invited there.  If not, then as long as you are fair in your banning, don't worry.

Answer 20

It's your home. You owe no explanation as to why you don't want someone in your house. You feel that way, and that should be respected. F*** 'em.

Answer 21

Totally agree with you. Stick to your guns.

Answer 22

Of course, it's your space.  You do what you like with it.  And that includes who you do or don't let in.

Answer 23

You pay the mortgage (or rent), you decide who you want in there.  Your home is not a democracy; it's private property.

Answer 24

Must be awkward for him to open the door and say you can come in but you can't

Answer 25

Your house - your rules.

Your house IS your sanctuary and you should NEVER have to feel uncomfortable in it.

Stick to your guns. You are absolutely in the right.

Answer 26

if the house is yours, i would say yes. it is yours. if your boyfriend doesn't like that the place is yours, and it's not okay for him to bring his "pratty friends" around your sanctuary. he needs to go elsewhere, if he chooses to spend his time w/ them. only have over the people you like... and still have to balls to tell the people you don't like over, to please leave, because you don't want their grimey fingers on your things. or that they have cooties.... or um, that you don't want any girl scout cookies.... that you will just see them later, or that they can see your bf later.... haha        

you are fine.

Answer 27

That depends

Is it YOUR house

Or is it you and your boyfriend's house

If it's your house, then you can set the rules

If it's co-owned, then you should compromise.

Answer 28

You share the house with your boyfriend and it is presumably home to both of you. in many ways I sympathise with you but I do not think you can put a blanket no one your borfreinds friends. They don't like you anad you don't like them.

I had the same situation when we first got married anad I found that I could not abide two of her friends. I told her to let me know when they were coming and I would go out

Answer 29

Yeah, you should have to come to a compramise with him

x*x

Answer 30

yes i think if you are genuine and sincere in ya feelings then your home should be your castle and you should be able to allow or disallow anyone who you dont want into your home