Is it wrong not to want a big celebration?

Question

My fiance and I have decided that we don't want to have an elaborate celebration in a banquet hall. We've chosen a nice restaurant (where we got engaged), and just want to have a low-key celebration with our family and friends, but our families want to go with the banquet hall (likely to impress their peers and extended family). We feel really strongly about this, but my MIL to be is fairly strong-willed and not too quick to consider someone else's point of view - it seems like she wants this done her way. She told my fiance that they would give him money for the wedding and said it's up to us, but so far it's not turned out that way. We've decided that if it comes to it, we won't accept their money and we'll do a smaller celebration with family only and then a party for our friends later on.

Answer 1

When it's an issue like this, I say that it really is the couple's day. It's worth it to bend on small things like what your MIL is wearing or the flowers in your bouquet, but you shouldn't be expected to plan and participate in a huge extravagant party simply for the sake of impressing distant relatives and acquaintances.

Have your fiance tell his mother that he appreciates her suggestions, but the two of you have decided you want a very small, intimate ceremony, and that the venue has personal meaning. He should say that he appreciates her willingness to contribute, but that he does not want to accept her money if she does not support how it's being spent. If she throws a fit and refuses to contribute, then you can pay for the reception yourselves, and she can sit in a corner and stew about it.

Answer 2

You must do what will make you and you soon to be husband Happy. Its is your time after all. Everyone wats to give you an idea and it is always best to listen but do what you want. They will most likely not be thinking about it in 10 years, But you will !

Answer 3

I understand wanting a small intimate reception.  But you state that "we'll do a smaller celebration with family only and then a party for our friends later on".  Why have two receptions?  And if your friends are invited to the ceremony, shouldn't they also be invited to the reception?  I say do everything small and intimate (ceremony and reception only close family/friends) or invite who you want, but include them in the reception, which may mean it needs to be a little larger than what you want.

Answer 4

Not at all. Many couples don't have big elaborate receptions. I've been to several that were held either in the couple's home or it was a lowkey event in the church fellowship hall.  

Answer 5

The day is about you and your fiance!  If you two have decided you want a small gathering than do it.  No need to impress family and friends.  This is about the both of you!  I highly suggest if you want the small celebration of your choice then you two need to pay for things.  

Go for the wedding of your dreams not what everyone else is dreaming!

Congrats and Good Luck!

Answer 6

Absolutely pay for it yourselves!  My husband and I did, and we are soooo glad!!!  His mother is also like your fiance's - very controlling and opinionated.  We figured this out when we all went to a clothing store together with my husband's sister and her fiance for them to show us the groomsmen's clothes they'd picked for their wedding... well, my MIL flipped out (right in the middle of the store, people were staring) because she didn't like it.

So in short, it was great, because we got to decide on everything - colors, location, guest list, decorations, everything, and she couldn't do a thing about it!

Answer 7

Do what feels right for you... don't let anyone pressure you, even your future mother in law. It's okay to have a small intimate evening with close friends and family. Heck- who knows! Maybe in 5 years after the wedding you wanna throw your reception then with tons of guests! It's up to you! :)

Answer 8

Not wrong, no. However, you two pay for everything, then you can plan things just as you like.

Answer 9

Really, I understand where you're coming from because I want a small ceremony too with a reception like you're describing. What you have to take into consideration is that parents take a lot of pride and joy in being able to "show you off" so it's not necessarily fair to them to not have this opportunity.

What I think a fair compromise would be would be to take 1/2 of whatever his parents are offering (that's very generous of them, as you know) and put it toward the type of celebration you want and then allow them to use the other 1/2 to throw a "meet the new family" kind of party for you guys at a later date.  

Answer 10

i'm going through almost the same exact thing our families are pushing us to do it sooner and half as$, i want it the way i want it and she keeps pushing us,

so what we have done is gave her back her money and we are sticking to what we want its what we want, want we deserve, jsut tell them that you dont need their money and your doing it your way and if they dont like it then they can either come or dont!!

dont let them control or try to ruin your day!!