Is it wrong of me not to share with my "significant other" that I am seeing a behavioral therapist?

Question

Starting today, I am looking for help. I have found an office and made an appointment. We have lived together for 12 years, and his father has lived with us most of that time. Now, an uncle has come to live with us as well, to take care of the father who recently underwent amputation of his leg.

My "roommates" are a huge part of my problem, and I feel that if I tell my "husband" he will tell them, and somehow I just think that them knowing will make it work less.

Answer 1

Talk your situation over with your therapist.  It sounds like you biggest issues are allowing your husband to run your life.  That's a little different than a couples issue.  Just know that all therapists are not equal.  If your instincts don't tell you that the therapist is experienced, and that you can respect and trust her/him, give serious thought to making that 2 hour drive.  Therapy is mostly about the relationship, and if it's not a good fit with someone who knows what s/he is doing, the experience won't be the most beneficial to you.  Hopefully, you'll find someone great right at home, but your life is worth the extra effort if that's what it takes.  

Answer 2

If you think that he will just run and tell them then I would not tell him, there is nothing wrong with that.

It would probably help you out, however, if he knew that they were a problem for you. You can't expect him to know or do anything about something you have not told him about.

Why don't you try talking to him about it, maybe you could work together to find a solution to your problem. Maybe you could go to therapy together and have a mediator trying to help you both decide what you could do about this problem.

I know how difficult it can be caring for a parent, especially one that's not your parent. Try talking to him though, if he is understanding at all he can see your side and you can try to work through it together.

Hope this helps, good luck and God bless!

Answer 3

Sounds to me like this will be item #1 on the agenda when you go to see the therapist.

My suggestion: don't make a decision to tell or not tell until you've had a conversation with the mental health professional. S/he can guide you in deciding what will be the best course of action for you and your situation.

Best of Luck!

PS. I am not a doctor, and websites are not magic, and I do NOT have a BLOG.

Answer 4

When you see the therapist, discuss this issue.  Find out if there is a way to discuss this.  Eventually, you probably have to involve them to resolve the stress it is causing you.

Answer 5

Of course you should tell him and you should tell them too, so he doesn't have to. Obviously, you have a very bad relationship with him, no trust at all. You sound very callous. How would you feel if you had a leg cut off then got kicked out of your home? Why didn't you say something years ago? It is too late now. Do you want him to abandon his amputee father?? Best thing is for you to leave and let your partner and his uncle look after his dad then you won't ned to waste your money on therapists. Hopefully he will find someone new and more caring. Just call your old friends after you leave. If they are true friends, they will give you support

Answer 6

no because he will label u as crazy

Answer 7

If he is that significant to you, you need to share this information.  Not only that, but you need his support.  Don't be afraid of anyone else's opinion, you are making the right decision.  There is nothing wrong with seeking help when you know that you need it.

Good luck!

Further to your concerns, it seems to me that you already have someone who cares a great deal about you.  I am sure that he suspects that something may be going on, but unless you tell him he won't know.  If he has been with you this long, I don't think you have anything to worry about.  Keeping secrets is never good in a relationship.  I understand that it's a hard thing to do, I have bipolar and had to tell boyfriends in the past.  I know it's scary and you expect the worst, but be strong and you can get through it.

You are already taking big steps in the right direction.  Just keep up the momentum!

Answer 8

Hard to understand why you're seeing a behavioral therapist. It sounds to me like you should see a relational therapist, or even a psychoanalyst or gestalt therapist. You need to understand why you are having so much difficulty confronting your partner. That's a self-esteem issue. For some reason you seem to think that your right to happiness is less than that of those you live with.

Since this issue is so difficult for you, do not tell your husband that you're seeing a therapist until you discuss whether to tell him with your therapist. I suspect you might be in an emotionally abusive relationship, and to end it you will need the support of friends as well a the therapist. Good luck.

ON EDIT: I saw your additional comments. You might as well give the behavioral therapist a try, but if you don't feel a connection with him/her after a few sessions, then you should seriously consider driving the two hours to see someone more appropriate. And you should certainly look up some of your old friends and renew that part of your life. It really sounds like you know what has to be done, and you're in the process of working up the courage. But, that will be hard if you don't have some sort of support structure -- old friends, family members, a therapist, even a minister. In the meantime, try not to be too hard on yourself.

Answer 9

You should have a talk with your husband about what is bothering you. Marriage is hard, but having an open relationship and being able to communicate is always the best thing to do. Let him know how your feeling and I am sure he will understand. Good Luck with your decision.