Is it wrong that I spoil my daughter?

Question

She respects us, however she is spoiled more then an average teen. Not to brag, she has a couple coach bags, jewelry, her own room, 40inch tv, bathroom and a walk-in closet full of clothes. She doesn't act rotten, but should I pull the plug on her visa?

Answer 1

if you dont stop it somewhere then where does it stop...when she's in her 20's, 30's, 40's she'll still be looking to mom and dad to pay for everything...she'll never learn the responsibility of getting things for herself...If you haven't already bought her a car i'd make that the first place to start...instead of buying her one let her get a job and buy her own...that way she'll appreciate it more and take better care of it...i bought my first car and i love it so much i wouldn't dare dream of driving wrecklessly and crashing it...and this will also teach her the responsibility of making money and buying things for herself...plus you can teach her how to make an informed decision when buying things...and she really dont need a visa...that doesnt give her any boundaries and will let her think that plastic can buy u whatever u want and when she gets her own credit card she'll get herself so far into debt it'll b hard for her to get out...good luck

Answer 2

must be nice to be rich send some my way how old is she??

Answer 3

We had enough money to buy my daughter just about anything she wanted.

But we didn't.....children need to know they can't have everything.

So even though you can doesn't mean you should.

It has nothing to do with spoiling them....it's teaching them life lessons.

Answer 4

It sounds to me that you are setting her up for failure.

Your job as a parent is to teach your child how to survive in life on their own 2 feet and be a productive, well rounded, person.... all you are doing is giving her unrealistic expectations that everything in life will be handed to her and we both know that it's not.

Your biggest problem now is how you are going to undo it before she goes out into the real world and gets a major shock of reality. I would suggest starting by making her get a part time job and buy her own crappy car when she is old enough to drive in the next year. Dont give it to her. NOW is the time to start teaching her how to "bear weight" on her own 2 feet, so she will be able to "stand" in a few years.

Answer 5

It depends entirely on what you expect her future to be. If you are grooming her to be the wife of someone who can afford her without asking that she do anything in return- or if you are leaving her with enough money to maintain the lifestyle you are teaching her  to expect, then it makes no difference.

If you expect her to function in the real world and take responsibility for herself if Prince Charmingt doesn't come and you won't be leaving her a fortune, then you're on the wrong track.

The point is that l assume all this bounty falls in her lap because she's a member of your household. Assuming also that the adults in the household contribute to its functioning, what makes her exempt, since you don't mention chores? And if she does do her share, is it in proportion to what she's getting back?

What about teaching her the blessing of charity, since she is so well-off? The difference between a 40" TV and a 30" could allow her to experience the joy of making a difference somewhere it is needed.

l'm kind of suspicious about your writing "not to brag."

Is this about showing off how far in the world YOU have come that you can afford to give your kid unbriddled access to your bank account?

If it is l can guarantee you'll live to regret it, because nothing comes without a pricetag.

Answer 6

Nope. That would be rude to give her all this stuff and then just tell her to stop living that lifestyle! My mom spoils me but it's fine as long as you she understands that eventually she needs to go to college and get a job & that you can't support her for her entire life. Once she starts acting rotten then that's a different story. But I think "spoiled" children lead happy childhoods.  

Answer 7

I don't think any of what you are doing is teaching her about life or preparing her to be financially responsible.  No child should have a credit card at 15.  Take the credit card away and have her start earning her nice things.  The reason she doesn't act rotten right now is because she gets all of her heart's desires.  

I'd start teaching her some financial responsibility or else she will be vastly unprepared for living on her own.

Answer 8

children need limitations and boundaries.  the reason that she doesn't seem bratty to you is because you are still giving her what she wants.  the outside world wont be like that and when she is confronted with it, it wont be pretty.  personally, i think that it has already gone too far and it wont be an easy task bringing her back to reality.  you should still try though.

Answer 9

you should give her limits. because when it is time for her to move out and live on her own, shes not gonna have mommy and she will have to get watever she wants for herself. i dont think she needs a visa card at 15. its not WRONG to spoil her but you should limit it, and sometimes when she wants things tell her to get it for herself. so she can get used to it

Answer 10

I came from a wealthy family and lived in a very wealthy neighborhood and we had a lovely home and I certainly had nice clothes.  However,

I didn't get a car when I got my license like "everyone else did" and my folks did that, and many other things for a reason.  They wanted me to earn and appreciate the things that I did have.  I am a grown woman with my own family now and am enormously aware of those who do not

have even the basics in life.  There is a deeper sense of enjoyment and gratitude in life when it is viewed from different perspectives and not

just on the 'shallow STUFF' which people may own.

Now, this may take effort on your part, but I would challenge her to experience how she can share with others in need, or who are less fortunate.  Whether that is volunteering on a regular basis with a group

or agency in need of hands-on help, one-on-one assisting with younger and less fortunate students at a school, or whatever.  I have had exciting and fulfilling careers which I attribute in no small part to the lessons I learned from my parents.  They were lessons which they did not purchase from a store; they were invaluable!

At her age, a Visa may just mean easy $$.  Is that what you want to teach her?  Do you believe she will be inspired for a career/vocation in the future?  Will she put out extra effort to provide for herself, or will she assume that good old Visa of YOURS will always take care of her needs?  And, let me tell you as a Mom of 2 girls....they become more expensive the older they get!! Yikes!  I've been grateful that my

daughters have taken pride in slowly taking financial responsibility for themselves!

I hope that you choose to enrich your daughter with awareness of diversity.  It will ultimately make her a more awesome person.  

Answer 11

If one is pampering one's servant (in this case, your child) from youth on, in his later life he( or she) will even become a thankless one.

Proverbs 29:21.

Answer 12

You may have set her up to feel she's entitled to things.  She may not feel she will need to work for what she gets.  People like that have a harder time in life.

Answer 13

All I can say is, when she becomes an adult, she isn't going to have a very realistic view on life. She's going to go through life thinking everything should be handed to her - and who really likes to hang out with people like that? You need to be teaching her that in the real world, you get nice things by working really hard for them. I think a good work ethic is what makes a strong individual.

Answer 14

Unless you want her to suffer from A.W.P.S. (American Woman Princess Syndrome) then, yes...you should stop spoiling her. Most American women suffer from this. It's normal and it's usually the fault of a woman's father but in this case it's her mother. Do you refer  to her as "princess"?  American women tend to feel a strong sense of entitlement after hearing their fathers and/or mothers say repeatedly, "Yes princess!" "Anything you want princess!" It's for this reason that many American women will pout and often act like children when they don't get their way or feel that they have been slighted. It's for these reasons that there are 2.5 million+ women in the states enjoying a happier, carefree existence using Prozac or some other anti-depressant/anxiety medication. Don't create another princess...

Answer 15

You really should stop this as soon as you can. Shes already so used to it so shes going to rebel.

Answer 16

well..shes going to be so used of getting pampered and getting everything that she wants that if life is ever rough on her and she doesnt end up getting what she wants then she is going to have a hard time

i mean love her and stuff but have some limitations

dont let her feel that shes is the only important one

cause that could lead to some problems in school and with other people