Is it wrong that I told my Maid of Honor that she is no longer welcome to be part of my wedding party?

Question

Ok, I'm having this beautiful Autumn wedding in October of this year. It will be held in the mountains of West Virginia which is where I was born and raised. I now live in Florida and my MOH still lives up in WV. She told me that she is not very financially stable right now and asked me to help her with the cost of the dress. So I said sure and offered to pay for the whole dress and the shoes. My two Sisters still live up there and and they already have their dresses, so I told my MOH to just drive to their house (15 minute commute) and try on one of their dresses to get a better idea of what size I needed to order for her. She kept saying that she would go and then for some reason or another she wouldn't. She goes to visit her Mom a couple times a week and actually has to drive past my Sisters' to get to her Moms'. She asked me why it was so important to me because it's her dress! I said yeah, but it's my wedding! I didn't expect her to drop everything she was doing, but I asked her for almost 2 months if she would please go try it on! Not only that, but she wouldn't even return my calls most of the time. I would usually go a week sometimes 2 without talking to her. I hope I did the right thing. I just told her that she was no longer welcome in my wedding party but she is more than welcome to come to the wedding. I still sent her an invite.

Answer 1

i think you did the right thing. if shes not going to fulfill her commitment, then don't waste your time trying to make her. congrats on the wedding =D

Answer 2

Good for you. I'm glad that u stood up for yourself. I don't know what is it about a wedding that brings out the worst in people and its always the one that u think will help u the most. Congrats and good luck.

Answer 3

No, you did the wrong thing.  This person is someone who means a lot to you.  After all, you pick them to be your MOH. That's a very honorable position.  You even picked her over one of your own sisters.

IMO, you just need to continue calling her, writing her, etc.  In addition, why not have one of your sisters go to her house with the dress.  Perhaps there is a reason she doesn't want to stop at your sister's house?  Has she recently gained weight and maybe is avoiding a very traumatic situation?  

Call her and leave her a very stern message. Say you really hate to fight over a dress, but you need to know what's going on.  Also, let her know if she is having personal issues (that don't even have anything to do with your wedding) that you want to know.  You are friends and you are concerned about why she seems so distant.  Ask her what's wrong.  

Answer 4

i have mixed emothions on what you did  i agree she could have stopped in to try on the dress. but you can also look at it from another view how about if she  was trying to buy the dress of felt guilty for you to pay for it. i would have really had a talk with her befor blowing up at her and say what is the real issue  also does she like your sisters????? all things you sould have figured out before blowing up on her. but heck if the dress is being paid for  an all i had to do is try on to see what size u should order i think i would have at least done that and sent you what ever i could for the price of the dress

Answer 5

It is your wedding, it is your right to have who you want in the wedding party. The only thing is, you may have lost a friend because of this, but I doubt how good a friend being that she didn't seem to care much about your feelings. If she wouldn't try on the dress, what else would she have refused to do?

Answer 6

She sounds like she was being a stubborn b**ch, its your day not hers so she needs to repsect your wishes, also she should help you out as much as possbile, you have enough stress as it is, she doesnt need to add to it!!

Answer 7

you did the right thing  dragging her heels to me means she did not want to do it at all and just would not tell you.  Have one of the two sisters.  ask them to toss a coin.

Answer 8

I think it's your wedding so you should do whatever makes you feel happy. However, I personally would not have done that. It sounds to me like she was embarrassed about the fact that she could not afford the dress and sometimes people are not very rational when they feel this way. She probably felt mortified after asking you and then having you offer to pay for everything and also perhaps realised that your sisters might know she wasn't paying and would think badly of her. She's your friend though and you know her best and know why she behaves certain ways. I think you can kiss your friendship goodbye though, unless you are both very understanding, forgiving and open. Also...I always thought the bride and groom paid for the bridesmaid dresses anyway...is that an old-fashioned thing? My aunt bought mine when I was her MOH and my cousin bought her three bridesmaid's dresses...Anyway, good luck and have a lovely day!  

Answer 9

well first of all it sounds as if your special day really doesn't mean much to her, if she drives right by your sisters place when going to see her mom and can't take time to stop for the few minutes it takes to try a dress on then maybe she was the wrong moh for you.

Answer 10

You did the right thing.. the MOH has to commit to this.. so don't worry.. if she really wanted to be there she would have been happy that you were paying for it.. and helping her out.

Answer 11

Way to go!!! I would have done the same thing! its your day!!!

Answer 12

Plus, she's the Made of Honor, she should be helping you plan all this not just ride on the coattails.

Answer 13

Good choice. I don't think you have made any unreasonable requests.

You need to be sure that the girls who are going to stand up next to you on your big day will be supportive of you and your plans. After all it's only ONE day out of their life really.

Answer 14

I think from the sounds of this you dealt with the situation just fine.

I have been in over 6 weddings, and I have been a maid of honor twice. It's obvious that your friend was no real maid of honor anyway...to be the maid of honor you are sacrificing much to make the bride happy. Not to the point of losing self dignity or not taking care of yourself, but you bend over backwards to help the bride. Even bridesmaids should know that---a simple request to try on a dress that YOU offered to pay for should be accomplished sooner than later! I am surprised by her audacity, and if I were you I would definitely be upset.

In fact, I think it's sad in the end. This is supposed to be your best friend--a person who is your "sister"-someone you keep in touch with and count on in the hard times. This should be the most important day of your life---if your best friend won't pull through for you, then she is no best friend!

Answer 15

I would have given her an ultimatum first. "I'm worried that you're not taking my wedding seriously, and that's okay, but if that's how you feel then I really need to know. Please try on the dress in the next two weeks, or I'm going to have to find another maid of honour. I would really really love for you to be my maid of honour, but it's just getting to be ridiculous, and I need to be able to go forward with my wedding plans." Some people care more about some things than others, and it seems to me that she just didn't realize how important this dress was to you. She must be a very good friend for you to have asked her to be your maid of honour in the first place, and it's sad to think you may lose her over something as silly as a dress. I hope she understands.

Answer 16

Dress vs. friend. Friend should win in my opinion.  

Answer 17

It's good that you put your foot down, but I personally would hope she NOT Show up for the wedding, she may make a scene.  

Answer 18

In my opinion good job and way to stand up for yourself. Its good to see you didn't let her walk all over you. You were generous enough to help her and she couldn't help you by just trying their dress on. I think actually its best that she isnt now in the wedding. The reason I say this is because she couldnt be responsible for her own dress and fitting how could she be responsible to do the MOH duties? Good job! You go girl!!!!

Congrats on the wedding!

Answer 19

You did the right thing!  I also think you gave her more than enough time to go try on the dress.  It is your wedding and if she wasn't cooperating for whatever reason, at some point you have to choose your happiness and peace of mind.  Trust me I know, I'm getting married on Sunday and let's just say it's been 18 long months of trying to please everyone else.  Enjoy your day!