Is it wrong to ask a Korean adoptee if they know what their original name was?

Question

The reason I ask is because I was going to have a pendant made in Hangul for my boyfriend. I was going to have his name, but the sales person said in her experience with Korean adoptee's it has been very meaningful to many to have their Korean name made instead of their American name. What is your opinion on that? Would it be hurtful if I asked him? How do I know which he would prefer? It was going to be a surprise.

Answer 1

It is likely that he may not know it.  But it is o.k. to ask if you are indeed close.  Maybe work it into the conversation, like telling him what your name means, asking what his means, then asking if he knows his Korean name, etc.

It is a tricky thing, but I am sure if you see his face sadden, you can apologize.  Likely it will be o.k., and it is a sweet gift and a sweet thought.

Good luck!

Answer 2

I think it's really thoughtful of you to consider this. I have a friend who adopted a four-month old baby from Korea and she did know the baby's Korean name. I had some bookends made and engraved with her Korean name on them. I think your question is really good but, I think the answer would depend on how openly and casually he talks about his adoption. Is it something you just know but he hardly ever talks about? Is it something that he talks about rarely and doesn't seem to think matters so much in his life right now? Chances are that his original Korean name is on his original birth certificate and his adoption certificate so, I wouldn't be surprised if he does know it. It is also possible that it is written on those documents but, he has never looked at them. If he talks about his adoption in a matter-of-fact way and it doesn't sound intrusive to you to ask him, I would give it a try. If you've gottne the sense that he's very private about this or it makes him uncomfortable to talk about it, then you may be better off not bringing it up. Either way, I think it's really thoughtful of you.

Answer 3

Just in light conversation tell him you are curious, have him write it down so it can't be done wrong. If he loves you it won't hurt his feelings if he doesn't know then simply say oh I'm sorry I was just wondering if you knew, but I'm glad you are who you are and you are here to be with me, it doesn't matter to me I just wondered. That's a very nice gesture by the way, and I really don't think it will hurt him because he knows he has a better life than what he could have had.

Answer 4

He's your boyfriend and I think it would be fine to be curious about that and ask him.  As someone else said, make sure you spell it right.  Now, if it was just asking a stranger you came across, that would be intrusive.

Answer 5

I don't see any problem with this. in more recent years it i not uncommon for the parents to use it as a middle name. My daughters orphanage name is her middle name and she i proud of it. He might even feel flattered that you care enough about him to ask.

Answer 6

I would probably ask his mom what she thinks.  I can see how it would be very meaningful to have the Korean name on there...but if he has struggles with being adopted, this might actually be a bad idea.  Go ahead & ask his mom or dad what they think...they could also give you the Korean name if they think it's a good idea so it could be a surprise!

Answer 7

I do not see any problem  with discussing your boyfriends past and you will get an idea of how he feels about the subject, if he makes it clear he is uncomfortabe speaking about his past I would leave it and get the pendanct with his american name assuming he would rather not be reminded of his past but if he has no problem discussing it then you will know the name, just need to get the spelling as well tho!