Is it wrong to ask our daughter and her boyfriend to move out?

Question

Our 18 year old daughter dropped out of school but, did go back to get her GED. She and her boyfriend have been staying with us for six months now and although she has been working a 40 hour job steadily he seems to only be able to keep a job for a few weeks at a time. My husband and I have made it clear to her that if he is not able to keep a job that he will have to move out. We don't expect them to support us but, we do request that they each pay $30 a week towards household expenses. My husband and I disagree on the length of time we should allow them to continue to stay with us. My thought process is she can stay as long as she likes IF she enrolls in college and he can stay as long as he keeps a job. IF she does not enroll in college then I think that they both should be out by her 19th birthday which is in November. My husband doesn't agree with this, he thinks they should be able to stay as long as they like. I would like to get idea of what other people's thoughts are.

Answer 1

I'm with you on this one...and I'd expect more than $60 rent too. Your husband is not helping his daughter by supporting her deadbeat boyfriend; he's right that that needs to stop...but a time limit is not the way...consequences like the ones you've suggested are the most useful way.  Good luck to all of you.

Answer 2

I don't think you should have ever let HIM move it in the first place. He should be out but let your daughter stay if she wants. If she chooses to go with him then that's her decision.

Answer 3

You and your husband should agree with each other before you present the rules.

Present the rules and enforce them exactly.

Paying you some kind of rent is perfectly appropriate, and I agree with it entirely.

I would never EVER let my daughter shack up with her boyfriend in MY house, until she's married to him. -- but that's me.

Answer 4

My personal view is that once someone is 18, they need to either move out of their parents' home or be in college.  Young people need to learn responsibility- living off your parents (or even worse, your girlfriend's parents) is a far cry from being responsible.  

The boyfriend sounds like a scrub.  I would kick him out anyway.  

Answer 5

if they want a real life, they should earn it, they should be on their own and see how tought life is and how good they had it. else things will get worse if a baby comes.

Answer 6

encourage them to move out and start there own lives..

if they need money maybe you could loan them some for now...

just a thought tho.

Answer 7

I think if you daughter is going to school full-time she should be able to stay as long as it takes. If she has a full-time job I would let her stay a considerable amount of time until she feels comfortable being out on her own. The boyfriend needs to go. They are living like they are married at your expense. Even if he did pay money to your living expenses it still doesn't change the fact that he is sleeping with your daughter in your home.  

Answer 8

My cousin and her husband had their son and girlfriend move out, since they are not married.

Answer 9

as long as they both have jobs and are in school let them stay for a little longer until they get a  place of their own  if not then go ahead and kick them out on her 19th birthday though they should move out by the age of 20/21

Answer 10

well if you want her to go to school and keep a job and him to do the same thing, it would kind of hard to do it all on her own!!! but than again it will teach her responsibility and her boyfriend should man up and take care of everything that needs to be done if he really loves her and want to live with her!!!

Answer 11

no if she wanna act like she grown >>> den let her b in c how it really feels>>>> especially if it UR house  

Answer 12

It can be really difficult to get on your feet at that age and having understanding parents can make all the difference in the world. It's hard because you have to boyfriend involved too, but I wouldn't put a time limit on how long your daughter can stay. As long as she's working towards something, she should stay. Think of her alternative.  

Answer 13

With your husband's approach, your daughter may never move out.  My uncle is 36 and he has yet to move out of my grandparents house.  He and his girlfriend have lived there for the past 18 years and seem to have no intention of ever moving out.  

Answer 14

I'm 21 and live at home and if my mam asked me to move out i would be really hurt . . but we are really close. i don't see anything wrong with telling the boyfriend to move out as he cant keep a job, he seems to be taking advantage a bit? and your daughter should see this. and $30 dollars a week isn't a lot maybe $50 ? might inspire him to keep a job lol.

Answer 15

no, its not wrong because shes 18 and shes your daughter. you and your husband don't have to take care of neither one especially her boyfriend because hes not your concern. if they don't get their act together put them   out

Answer 16

I agree with you, there needs to be rules. If she enrolls in college that is great, but if she doesn't then I would say you have every right to kick her out.  

Answer 17

make them pay the money your asking or try to encourage them to move out by saying stuff like.. oh there is a good new house in such and such.. you could even find some jobb offers near by that are better to make them want to move.

Answer 18

I would ask them to leave.  Situations like this cause even more stress on you and your husband.  Where is his family?  Why aren't they helping him out?

Don't let a situation, with kids at this YOUNG age, put undo stress on your life.

Answer 19

"He" can get a job as a truck driver.

There is such thing in the US as "low-income" housing.

Sign them up, and get ready to take care of the coming Grandkids.

Why don't they just get married????

Good luck.

Answer 20

I'd tell him he has to leave if he doesn't find a job and contribute to his upkeep.  As far as your daughter goes, I'd let her stay as long as she's working or going to school.  

Answer 21

You are right.  My sister in law and her boyfriend lived with my inlaws for a long time, and the situation just got worse and worse.  From them not paying, to them losing their jobs.  It is enabling, and it does not teach either of them responsibility, which will ultimately hurt them later on in life.  

Answer 22

This is strictly what *I* would do.

I would tell him to leave. He wouldn't be my responsibility and if he wasn't contributing toward the household I would consider him a mooch and he would be gone.

I would let her stay for now, as long as she is working full-time, going to school full time, or working and going to school part-time. 19 sounds like a good age for her to go if she's working full-time and not going to school.

However, honestly, only you know your family dynamic. Either you or your husband needs to acquiesce. While I think it should be him, you need to decide if this is a battle you, personally, are willing to fight. At this point in your life your relationship with him needs to start becoming the main focus. Your child is an adult and needs to be moving out into the world on her own.

Answer 23

Letting them stay for $30 each a week is enabling them. The real world costs a lot more than $30 a week.  I personally would not ever have let my 18 year old daughter's boyfriend move in though.

Answer 24

  Keep your daughter at home and tell him to leave.

Answer 25

Nope.  When I turned 18, I had to pay $200 to my mom for rent.  She didn't need it, it was just another way of helping me grow up and become responsible.  If you need to, make them move.  If you are worried, then keep her room available in case of emergency, but they are going to have to grow up sometime and if they need a little push, their parents are going to have to give it to them.

Answer 26

So they want to play "grown up" but still have the security of mommy and daddy?? No way. They need to grow up and move out. It won't be easy, and you can let her know you'll be there for her, but they really need to get out. )mom of five)

Answer 27

It's your house.

Like someone already said, encourage them to move out. Your daughter can't always mooch off of you.

I like your reasoning though.

However, by her 19th birthday, you should give her money and say, 'Go buy an apartment'.

Answer 28

I think that is the best thing that you can do for her. She has to learn how difficult it is to live on her own without an education and someone who is responsible enough to support her.

As it is now, you are enabling her and the useless idiot with whom she is living.

Answer 29

First of all if they are not married, and IMO should not be living together under YOUR roof. Total disrespect.

6 months without them paying real bills is enough for them to save money and get their own place.

If the guy cant hold a job, he is immature and needs growing up before living with anyone else.

I say give them till November, mark it on calendar with a big red "X".

Answer 30

If you allow them to continue to be lazy - they will.

My step dad's brother still iives in mom's basement, and he's 45.  You create the opportunity for that, you'll get the same.

Answer 31

i agree with youre husband ..