Is it wrong to consider the potential of your future with somebody because of their job?

Question

My fiance and I met when he was going to school to be a firefighter. When he became a firefighter I wasn't crazy about his schedule, he was away from home for 24 hours, then off work for 48 hours, then back to work again. I also had other issues; for example: other guys in the department would watch p**n, he had female partners that he'd share sleeping quarters with, etc. Well he left that job when we moved 3 hours away and has been unable to find a job with another department in the area we live in now for over a year. So he's working with an ambulance company now as a paramedic. His shift sucks, he works overnight and then comes home to sleep all day.We have two kids together and I feel like we have no family time together and I'm just fed up with the hours, the drama in the medical field seems to be "normal" and I want him to have a regular 9 to 5 job but he will not leave his job, he wants to continue with what he's doing.

Answer 1

I definitely think you need to look at your relationship honestly and decide what factors affect the quality of your relationship. If your needs are not being met and his job is causing a rift between you then you need to bring it up to him. There are some things that will work for others but not for you. You are not wrong for feeling the way you do. While his job is necessary in our society (as well as admirable) he might have to choose his own family instead. There can be no future if you can't work this out. My advice to you is this: talk to your partner, express your feelings/fears about how his job impacts your life together. Don't be accusative. Be prepared to compromise and see a therapist if you need to. Good luck!

Answer 2

Geez he quit a job he loved, took on a shift job he's learned to love, and now you want him to leave that too cause nothing suits the little princess.  Why doesn't he just quit and live on welfare so you can have him all to yourself?

Grow up or do the guy a favour and leave him now rather than whine, whine, whine which is what he'll come to you as in 5 to 10 years from now.  Life is about making sacrifices and since you're at home making no income I don't think you should be complaining; he is doing what he wants to be doing to support you.

Next time marry a grocery line worker.

Answer 3

It is likely to only get worse after marriage.  You already feel resentment towards him, and he likely feels resentment towards you because you want him to give up something he has a real passion for.  This will be a deal breaker for the two of you.  This would be a difficult situation to make a compromise.

Answer 4

At least he is working, right?

Let him do this for right now. He may have other ideas brewing about what he wants to do later. He may want to open up his own business?

Keep in mind that your just his baby momma / fiancee, so tread lightly. He may be fed up and ready to call it quits himself . . . .

Answer 5

You're going to get a lot of answers telling you "if you really love him, his hours/job shouldn't matter" but I disagree to some extent.  Whether we admit it or not, we all carry with us a vision of what we want our life to be like..especially our married life.  If your goals and vision is not in sync, it's going to cause trouble in your marriage.  I'm not advocating ending your relationship, but I would recommend you talk openly about what your BOTH want in terms of lifestyle, goals, family, etc.  You need to be on the same pathway to make it work well.  Good communication now will lessen the likelihood of resentment later.

Answer 6

Well its tough to say because when you got with him you knew he was going into that field. I would say stick with him and support him, and if you are having a problem with him spending time, just talk to him about it.

Answer 7

this is a issue thats needs to be discussed openly and you need to come to a agreement , or just move on, its all based on your communication.