Is it wrong to dislike your own child?

Question

I have 3 children and my eldest drives me around the bend. She is only 6 but she lies (for example stole money out of my handbag and then told me she didn't even though I know she did). She doesn't do a thing she is told and talks back to me all the time. I told her to tidy her room the other day and she looked at me and said "I have to do everything while you sit and watch t.v all the time" (which I don't by the way).

I know what you're all going to say, that this is perfectly normal behaviour. But the thing is it's constant with her and it's really getting me down. It's got to the stage where although I love her I'm finding it really difficult to like her right now and I don't know what to do.

Answer 1

yer only if its not 4ever! my daughter drives me mad sometimes i no i couldnt cope with 3!ur bound to feel this way but maybe she feels left out?find a sitter and spend quality time with her!ul be back to best mates in no time!hope this helps

Answer 2

You need considerable training on how to be a parent. Find some in your area and implement their suggestions immediately.

Answer 3

But she won't go? She is 6 who is in charge at your house. Pick her butt up and make her go!!!

Answer 4

I've disliked my children on and off for years.  My oldest is 22 and my youngest is 15.  Just because you love them doesn't mean you have to like them all the time.  I'm sure there are times they don't like me either, mostly when I'm not liking them and they're upset with whatever consequences they're having.

Answer 5

I am having the same problem with my neice. Go to the libray, search for any behavior vidoes, Here, they are free to check out, I brout=ght home like 8 vidoes and just watched them all for any advice I could find in them, they really helped. The ones that are for training teachers are the best!!!

Answer 6

i can really relate to this cos of my 7yr olds behaviour.  we've cancelled a day trip to coast tomorrow. i asked him to go to bed so he thumped my arm. its annoying cos his sister misses out to.

Answer 7

I don't think that is normal - I would expect bolshie behaviour like that from a 13 year old - not a 6 year old.

I don't have any kids of my own but all my friends so and I have 7 nephews - the only one that was ever as bad as this turned out to have attention deficit disorder and severe dyslexia and these were making him misbehave as a way of not showing that there was a problem at school.

Answer 8

Try and be firm with her, it sounds like she has no respect for you. I know all kids get like this at times but not all the time, and the stealing thing isn't good.

Children who are given firm but fair discipline should respect their parents, if you feel you have shown her this maybe something else could be the problem, maybe one of her friends behaves like this and she's copying them or maybe there is something troubling her, try talking to her. If you don't think any of these are the answer maybe you should talk to your GP about you attending some kind of counselling together to tackle her behaviour.

I hope its just a passing phase and remember deep down no matter what she says or does she does love you.

Answer 9

Are you a single mum?  Do you have any help you can get involved here?  I think you need to start introducing a discipline method now before this goes any further.  Basically all you need to do is sit down with her when you're both calm someday soon and explain that attitude, talking back, being rude etc will not be tolerated in your home anymore.  While helping, being nice, good and polite are going to be rewarded.  Punishment is 6 mins on a naughty seat/stair/corner - which is to be enforced no matter how long it takes to make her sit there at first.  Once the 6 mins are up, you approach her and explain why she was put there, ask for an apology which she must make, and then hug her tell you you accept it and that you love her very much.  And good beahviour gets a star or something similar on a chart.  Once she reaches 5 stars she gets a small reward: going swimming with you, park with you, movie with you, MvD's/Pizza etc - something with you, preferrably on your own with her.  the point of that is ok it's fun for her to get a treat event, but it gives you both time to just play and be together without home stress.  so you're reinforcing the idea that you are friends, as well as that you are a good mum and she's a good daughter.  You will find yourself liking her I think so you'll get your reward too.  I know it's hard to do this with 2 other babies but you need to try and be consistent because she needs rules and so do you.

Answer 10

Its normal also to not like your kids, even though you love them to death. I had that with my youngest son. At times I couldnt bear to be in the same room as him and was at my wits end. He was not appealing in the least. Glad to say hes ok now. But it takes a lot of time and effort to try and keep order, give out discipline and be consistent, it is hard sometimes, but most of the time kids turn out fine.

Answer 11

No, this is not normal at all!!

U need to do something befor its to late!

Trust me i have seen alot of other mothers

go thro the same thing and they did not listen

and there kids have been taken away!

Answer 12

dude, she's 6. the only influence she's had thus far is YOU. she learned all this from you.

Answer 13

I had this problem with my mother and as far as I am concerned it is normal to have temporary resentment at the behavior. My mother went as far to blame me for her problems just by being born!  Luckily I had other family that adopted me.  Stealing is a learned behavior so you need to see into other people she is left with and look into who is influencing her.  Have you thought about giving her a small allowance for chores. 6 year old kids don't need much.  If you can afford it when she does chores give her some small token of your appreciation.  A trip to wal-mart to get a trinket or small toy can do wonders.  Dollar stores are great.  At her age she is old enough for a small allowance.  She will learn early the value of earning something

Answer 14

I'm going through the same with my 6 year old girl so i know how you feel be persist with your discipline and hopefully it will get better  

Answer 15

There is a saying my mom use to say to me I love you but i dont like what you are doing ! This is a long shot and I will probably get chewed out for this but have you ever Heard of oppositional defiant disorder or Conduct Disorder .Its a long shot but Try to look them Up on google and see what you think ...

Answer 16

Oh, I know how you feel, and you have my sympathy.  I feel the same sometimes.  My daughter exhibits behaviour like that too.  People here are telling you that you are the mum, you should have control, etc, but they don't understand.  I am very strict and have very high standards of behaviour that my daughter knows perfectly.  She, of course, rebels, disobeys and pushes me as far as I can go.  Her father doesn't help (his standards are rather low), so I have to be on top of that too.

Yes there are times when I dislike her, when I wonder if I would have chosen to have a child at all if I'd known it would be so stressful, and so embarrassing!

I, too, have tried everything.  I found only a smack worked.  Once she knows she'll get a smack, the knowledge that she'll get one if she does something is enough to stop her.

I feel guilty at times, too, for thinking I don't like her, because on the whole I do, she's lovely.  I don't like her faults.  It's unfortunate that we as the mother get, not only to see all the faults, but to be on the receiving end of them too.  Of course you will dislike someone who is making you angry all the time.  I've explained that to my daughter, and reminding her of it also works to stop some behaviours (sometimes).

She's senstive to other people's feelings, so I use that, by making her see that it's very unkind to make someone angry on purpose.  That works, too.

Good luck!

She could be jealous.  My daughter's a very jealous person, and I am finding that appealing to the better nature (thinking of other people's feelings), alongside discipline, is working to control it.

The answerer who asked if you are a single mum, that is an offensive question in this context.

DO NOT label a child with disorders, such as odd, as some people are suggesting here.  So damaging.  My daughter pushes so far because she has a very high IQ, something most people are unable to understand because their IQ is lower than hers!  Of course it is normal behaviour from a child.  Children do things like steal.  It must be punished, but it's normal for them to push it.

There are too many liberals on here who, not only have no children, but have no experience of them either.

Answer 17

As long as you always LOVE her in my opinion it is normal to dislike their behavior. Make sure if you address it tell her that although you love her very much that right now you don't like how she is treating you or behaving.

Sounds similar to what I went through. Talk to your daughter pediatrician.  For a long time i felt like a horrible person because like you I loved my kid with all my heart but through her actions and behaviors not to mention sassy mouth I really didn't like to hang out with her and felt like I was constantly after her. Turned out my daughter needed meds.

Answer 18

YOU are the mother. You need to discipline her and her father needs to, too. Give her time outs, take away deserts or toys- whatever works. You need to stop this behavior before it gets worse- its not normal, believe me.

good luckxx.

Answer 19

I have complete sympathy with you, you have described exactly what I am going through with my daughter but she's 13 and I'm at a complete loss myself how to handle this and like yourself have tried everything with her but nothing seems to make her realise it is wrong !!! and I'm finding it very hard to like her at all recently, it's a real nightmare living with her behaviour and attitude makes the house have a very unpleasant atmosphere so it's no wonder she's not my favourite person in the world at the min. I'm told they grow up well that's all I have to cling onto, is hope !! Good luck with her it's horrible when you have taught them to know right from wrong and yet they still do it !

Answer 20

how does she behave at school? if i was you id check her for behaviour needs she could have adhd which it sounds like to me or aspergers syndrome

she may also need to be loved more give her attention

another thing that i know as worked that if she steals again take her down the police station phone yourlocall office and say to them that your child is stealing and you would like to show her what happens if you steal hopefully they will say yes and will scare her