Is it wrong to expect my husband to be perfect?

Question

I do work, a stressful job at that. He works a hard labor job, gets dirty, sweaty all that. I want to learn how not to let the little things bother me. Please belive me I do try to deal with it but it's like I see the dirty socks in the stairwell and wonder why he couldn't just put them in the laundry room.....And then it all just builds up and comes out at once. PS I am being pretty open and honest about this with you, but people that are close have no idea we argue about these things or how I feel about it. Well the cats outa the bag now!

Answer 1

I think that you are being extremely unfair.

Saying you'll do the dishes and not doing them isn't a big deal.

Kindly remind him that he said he would.

It IS possible that he forgot he said he would.

Buying a weedwacker and using it once ever?

So. That's like you buying something to wear and only ever wearing it once.

It's not that big of a deal. It's still waisted money until the next time the thing is used.

I think you need to relax a little.

I don't advice pills becuase they won't help.

I would however advise that you speak to a neutral party and get some advice on how you can fix your OCD on these things.

Answer 2

It sounds like you know what the problem is and what to do already.  I just returned from a vacation at my daughter's place and I learned new respect for my son-in-law.  How he puts up with my daughter's OCD totally impresses me.  Get control of yourself, my friend, and get some help with your own problems.    It sounds like you are both good people.  Imperfect, but good.  Accentuate the positive.

Answer 3

I know that saying don't sweat the small stuff is easier said than done but it really is true. After being diagnosed with cancer and making it through the treatments and surgery with flying colors I know the value of not worrying about the little things because life it too short to worry about dishes and dirty socks.

Maybe you could join a support group for OCC.  

Answer 4

Are you kidding me your looking for Mr. Perfect no man is Perfect your not Perfect its not affair to him.  Im in the same situation as you my wife is looking for Mr.Perfect and its fukkiing up our marriage

Answer 5

It's unrealistic to expect ANYONE to be perfect.  And it's impossible to change anyone.  Accept him as he is, warts and all, or be prepared for your marriage to fail.  Any change will be a slow evolutionary process.  My step mom used to complain about my Dad's snoring and his refusal to put the toilet seat down.  A couple of weeks after he died, she confided that she'd give her right arm to hear him snore one more time, and had taken to leaving the toilet seats up in his memory.

Answer 6

No man is perfect. You need to chill out before you lose the best thing that has happened to you. You married him because you accepted him for who he was. Take a chill pill back off the obsessive compulsive issue.

Answer 7

If you micro-manage every little thing he does, he will grow weary of you and leave. There is no such thing as a "little" OCD!! Don't look for problems!! This is so much more abotu YOU, than him. Deal with YOUR issues thru a counselor or life coach and your life will simmer down. You can't be much fun to live with.

Answer 8

Not to be rude, but, no one is here to live up to anyone's expectations.

I guess the best question you might ask yourself is:  what's it worth to you to let the "little things" get to you?

If you sincerely think your time is best spent on all those little things, you're wasting a lot of energy that could be better spent talking it out with a professional counselor.

Considering all those little things might one day be the undoing of your marriage, wouldn't you rather invest your time and energy into the marriage?  

Just my thoughts.

Answer 9

Why do these things matter.  I mean, why does it matter that he never weed eats, really?  Ever considered the thought that he wonders why you dont get out and do it, why you dont get out and use it?

As far as the dishes....   if you are picky about how it gets done, thats why he doesnt do it.  If you are going to nag about how he did it wrong, or go in and redo it later, he will never do it.  Im not saying you do, I dont know, but that is a common problem when it comes to things like dishes and other house hold chores that women tend to be picky about.

It seems like you may be right in that you are looking for things to fight about.  Why do you need to fight?  Are you trying to sabotage?  Are you really angry/upset over something else that you are afraid to talk about or even admit?

The only way to fix it, is get to the bottom of why it is happening, and only you can do that.

Answer 10

He's a man!! That's what men do. Get use to it!  

Answer 11

oh my gosh, did you marry God?????????

Answer 12

Hon no one is perfect. Don't expect your husband to be. From what you have written you should be thankful that he has a good job and takes good care of you and your son. I am assuming that you don't work out side the home. There are many women who would gladly switch places with you. Sure there are always little nit pick things in a marriage that we could all pick about. And no marriage is perfect. There are times that you will never agree on something. Thank God you have a good husband hon......everyone has their bad habits. He has good intentions from what it sounds like but gets sidetracked. Marriage is a lot of giving and taking and sometimes more taking. Secret to a good marriage........Love, Respect, Communication, and Trust. Good Luck

Answer 13

Why would u expect anyone to be perfect?  Are you perfect? It sure doesn't sound like you are.  You sound spoiled and immature, I don't mean to be rude, but you better wake up and smell the coffee, before you s***w up your life, and your child's life, by driving this guy away. He sounds like a pretty good guy to me, send him my way if you don't want him.  Guys like this are very hard to find nowdays, you must be crazy.

Answer 14

Well this is not really an answer but I felt compelled to respond. I'm sure its so many other things that you could be upset about but from what you say you don't have those problems. So, I guess just try and relax and just be glad you can tolerate someone else in your space because I most certainly can't.

Answer 15

YES! It is definitely wrong. Are you a perfect person so that you expect perfection from someone else?

Answer 16

You could start by trying to fix yourself.  Once you see how futile that is, you will stop trying to fix your husband.

Nobody is perfect.  NOBODY.  And the things you are obsessing about are trivial compared to the real issues in life.

You could start right now with some of your issues by concentrating on the positives and APPRECIATING your husband.  Be appreciative.  Thank your lucky stars that you have such a wonderful comfortable life, and thus feel the need to obsess about the little stuff.  Who knows, you may be able to chill a little and then you wouldn't need to take those blood pressure pills.

Alcoholics have a wonderful saying:  Let go and let God.  Try it, it might just work for you.

Best Wishes.

Edit:  For an example -- I used to get so irritated with my husband when he would leave the lid off the toothpaste, or leave his wet towel on the bed, or leave his dirty socks and dirty underwear on the bathroom floor, or leave dirty dishes in the sink .... until the day he almost died.  That changed my perspective REAL quick.  Then a few years later, he almost died again, and then just last September, he was clinically dead and those wonderful doctors and nurses brought him back.  Now days, I almost cry when I see his dirty underthings laying in the bathroom floor, and am GLAD to see them.  YOU BET.  That wet towel leaves a wonderful reminder of what could NOT be left on the comforter and sheets.  YOU BET.  And the toothpaste? Good grief, how silly.

You may not understand .... and I hope you never have to go through that ordeal to finally appreciate your husband.

Answer 17

Would you want him to have those expectations of you? You are being unfair, he needs your love and support not for you to be so demanding, it's never going to last. Men have very big egos that need to be nurtured and stroked. He would go out of his way to do things to make you happy if he felt loved and supported by you. Read the book The 5 Love Languages, it will open up a whole new world to you. You are not treating him very well at all, right now he probably doesn't even try because you are going to find fault with whatever he does.