Is it wrong to feel this way?

Question

I asked a question a few minutes about my mom having her dog put to sleep. This is something I have been thinking about for a while and it's been bothering me: She had her dog for about 16 years before he was put to sleep (he was deaf, blind, had no teeth & couldn't eat, constantly biting himself and attacking the other animals and people). About 2 years ago, she got our family's cat, Spooky, put to sleep. We had him for over 20 years, and she never even told anyone she was getting him put down-she just did it and told us later that day, which I thought was very wrong of her. He did have cataracts and walked around like he was lost sometimes, but he was still loving and acted like a normal cat, just old. I don't have a clue why she got him put down and the thing that really hurts is that she just dropped him off--like he was garbage and because she wasn't close to him, he deserved to die alone. But she was there with her dog. It just doesn't seem right that she could be with one animal and not another. She never let any of us know about out cat until he was gone. One of use would have gone to be with him while he was being euthanized. I keep thinking about this and I know she's vulnerable right now so I won't say anything, but I want to let her know in the future how I feel. I just don't think it's right what she did and she acted like she didn't even care about Spooky. Note: it's not like she's a "dog person" or a "cat person"--she really likes both. I just don't see how she couldn't be with him when he needed someone the most. Just wondering if anyone else ever feels like this or if anyone has ever gotten a family pet put to sleep without telling you? How did you feel?

Answer 1

That's never happened to me, in fact much worse has.. When I was young my step-dad did the worst things to our pets. One time we went on vacation and when we came home he had got rid of our dog of 6 years+.. Once I had a puppy and he took her and dropped her off somewhere, she came back a few weeks later thin and sick and he took her out and shot her. I can't tell you how much that dmaged me as a child and how much it breaks my heart to this day. I know it may seem cruel what your Mom did but trust me it's not.. I bet she was just trying to save everyone some heartache. Count your lucky stars you never had a step-dad like me, because to this day he is the only person in the world I hate.. because he was so cruel to my pets.. I think you should tell your Mom how you feel about the cat and tell her that next time you want to be there for YOUR pet when they pass on.

PS Luckily my Mom finally saw him for the monster he is and said good-bye for good.

Answer 2

i am sorry for your loss, but wouldn't you think that by your mom telling you, you'd be crying your eyeballs out? something to think about. As for your mom just console her be with her she is going through tough times.  

Answer 3

What has happened is in the past.  People don't always feel and act the way we do.  It's just a sad fact of life.  I think you are wise in waiting to confront her.  But let the past go and look forward to tomorrow.  I know this really hurt you and hopefully it won't happen again.  Take good care of yourself.  

Answer 4

I think alot of people get pets put to sleep without telling others as its a really hard decision and often something that is easy to go back on with persuasion.  I know I was mortified when my parents had our dog put to sleep but I am pleased I didn't know until afterwards as it would have hurt them and me so much to beg that they didn't.  He was old and ready to go.

Then not being with the cat when put to sleep is a hard one for me too.  I couldn't be in a room when it happened, it would be too hard to deal with.  So my closeness to my animals would stop me.  

I think though she probably should have told someone who could have gone with the cat.  So I do agree with you. I suspect though her reasons were probably because it was such a hard decision rather than anything malicious.

Answer 5

I appreciate the way you feel. But I also think there's 2 sides to this and you and your mother should talk about it openly and honestly.