Is it wrong to go against my husband's wishes?

Question

I really want to get a cherry blossom tattoo on my back -not too big! My husband hates tattoos. Every time i mention it he cringes. Is this fair of him? I mean there is a lot he wears and does that i don't like but i accept. He says he likes me natural and that the tattoo will change and fade eventually.

Answer 1

It is your body....you can do as you wish...it is a small tattoo that can be easily covered....He will get over it....

Answer 2

I mean there is a lot he wears and does that i don't like but i accept.

Yes....and no matter what he wears that you don't like it can be taken off.

But not a tattoo. So take that into consideration.  

Answer 3

don't listen to these feminists. decide for yourself. who do you respect more your husband or your selfishness.

u have 2 choices...

go ahead and get the tattoo and disrespect your husband or you can respect his wishes and not get the tattoo.

just make sure that when you do get the tattoo that you blame the right person for getting you into a headache situation. all of the women that told you to get the tattoo.

Answer 4

Its your body and can do what you want with it.

Your a grown woman and dont need his permission to get one.

Answer 5

Drop it.  Getting a small cherry blossom tattoo isn't really worth all the fighting.  You've got a lot to learn about manipulation.  It's too late now to get the tattoo.  You've asked and now if you go and get it, it will be like saying, "I don't care enough about you to value your opinion."  However, it's better to ask forgiveness than permission.  If you had just come home with the tattoo, then you could have shown it to him as a s**y surprise.  Then, when he hates it, you burst into tears and tell him that you thought he'd think it was super s**y.  Lot's of crying, and apologies...  then, he comes around to the idea that what's done is done and your intentions were rather sweet.  Bam!  You got your tattoo AND didn't get a divorce!

It's too late for you now.  Now it's either the tattoo OR a divorce.

Answer 6

It's not a question of right and wrong, but of consequences.

What you'd b saying, in effect, is "I want to look cool to everyone else in the world, even if it disgusts you."

If you're willing to be physically repulsive to him, then go for it, but don't expect him to like it.

BTW, when I clicked on the question, I was all ready to say you have the right to live your life and make your own decisions. But, on reading what the issue is, I changed my mind.

As I say, right and wrong are irrelevant here. When you're alone, he's the only one to see your tattoo. If you want him to feel nothing but disgust at seeing your naked back, then go for it. But don't expect the marriage to last.

Oh, and clothes can be taken off; tattoos can't, at least, not in the same way.

Answer 7

Of course you can do what ever you want to do . . . but is it worth loosing your husbands respect for you.  If you do this knowing how much he does not like them he will never have the same level of respect for you.

Answer 8

I personally wouldn't get one.  Especially if the cherry blossom has no significant meaning.  (Sounds like it is one of those just picked off the tattoo shop wall and not something that is going to have any meaning to you.)  Come on now, you may love it now and think it is so pretty, but so does the other 100,000 girls that have it too.  (and I actually know of 3 people just off the top of my head that have that same tattoo)  It is almost as common as the darn chinese/japanese symbols.  Get some imagination.  Some creativity.  Styles change throughout time.  If you get something that actually means something to you then even if your style changes over the next 40 yrs, your tat will still be something you are proud of.  Plus, your husband might be more willing to go along with something that isn't so overdone.  If it truly is meaningful, he will more than likely back down and support it.  

I have a tattoo.  I love my tattoo.  It has meaning and significance.  It is a one of a kind that I drew myself.  I had it way before I met my spouse. If he could have had a say in it, I wouldn't have one.  But he accepted it just like he does me.  And actually does like mine because of what it represents.  Personally, if I was your husband and had told you after you asked me about it that I would really disapprove/not like it/whatever and you still went and got one, I would feel like my opinion was not worth a c**p in your eyes.  I would definitely wait a little bit longer and bring it up later in the future.  Clothes can be changed, tattoos can't.  

Answer 9

Does a tattoo mean more to you than your husband?  Think about this. If your husband is wearing something that you don't like, he takes it off before you go to bed. So you don't have to make love to him seeing the thing you don't like. But, if you get a cherry blossom on your back and your husband doesn't like it, you are forcing him to look at it every time you make love. Does that seem reasonable to you? I would want to look my very best when my husband makes love to me.

Answer 10

Get the tattoo.  It's your body & you will love it.  He doesn't know what he's talking about anyway.  Yes they fade a bit over time but tattooing has come a long way.  An artist like my husband will know what he's doing to make it sharp looking.  And people just come in for retouches every few years if you end up with a lot of fading.  It depends on how your skin accepts the ink & how much you're in the sun.  Back tattoos are awesome.  It can still be covered for work, the skin isn't as tough as a forearm or whatever, they look brighter & they last.

I'm working on a design for a back piece for myself right now.  Just take your time, find a GREAT artist, and look at tons of artwork before making your final decision.

Answer 11

I think you should get the tattoo if you want it. I happen to love tattoos! Your husband might even like it after you do get it.  

Answer 12

yes it is wrong because you will never stop arguing about the situation

Answer 13

Seriously, he needs to get over the controlling you thing.  It's your body, get the tattoo......

Answer 14

if u want the tatoo get it. its ur body.. not his -.-"  is he ur boss or sumthing? i dont think he is ^.^

Answer 15

A marriage license is not an owner's certificate. Do what you want.  

Answer 16

If he really hates it that bad, it probably is better not to get it.  I say save yourself the pain....if he likes you how you are that's awesome.  

Wearing strange clothes is a bit different than getting a permanent tattoo.  

Maybe you could say "If I don't get the tattoo, can we agree that you will get rid of ________________, I hate that as much as you hate the tattoo.

If you get the tattoo against his wishes it could put a rift in the relationship.  BEFORE EVERYONE STARTS disagreeing think about yourself if you felt so strong about something and your spouse or bf went ahead and did it anyway.  That would hurt!!

Answer 17

Just that you ask in the context that you did shows a healthy respect for him as your husband (something many of these answerers obviously do not have!).  Discuss your wishes regularly with him and consult yuor families also, if you feel you can.  

If you wait long enough, he'll eventually see your desire is real and honest and will see it your way.  Just consulting him in this matter shows good judgement on your part.

Tell him if you can get it, he can use it for target practice!  

Answer 18

Please disregard all the single woman or angry married woman's comments. Honestly, you need to sit down with your husband and express your reasons for wanting the tatoo. Ask him if it is ok with him. If he says no, ask him to explain his reasons. If the reasons make sense in your mind than don't go through with it. If the reasons are ridiculous, tell him that you love him, but this is something you ahve to do.

Marriage is about compromise, not doing whatever you want to do. By the way, just because your husband or wife does something it does not give you free pass to do the same. If your spouse does something you don't approve of...voice your concerns. Don't let it slide.

Good luck.  

Answer 19

just an opinion, but I think women look great the way they are naturally. If you gotta get one try a henna one first, then you can wear it off eventually. Who says He's "gotta" or "gonna" be looking at it if you do anyway? Your body, your choice what you put there. His body, his choice whether he wants to have anything to do with it afterwards. How about if he spikes his hair out, gets a couple nose rings and a tongue stud as well? His body right? It's about compromise and what you "want" may not be the best thing for your relationship.

Answer 20

Its your body, but this is pretty permanent  and I hope you are not doing it just to irritate him. How long have you wanted this?           Think about what if one of you decided to have children and the other did not agree.  This is the same sort of situation.  Ideally you two should be in agreement.

Answer 21

It's your body, you can do whatever you want - but your husband will be the one looking at the tattoo; do you REALLY want to permanently etch something into your body that he detests? Pick your battles; this one is not worth fighting over, IMO. But if you're willing to fight it, prepare for the consequences. He won't be very happy if he feels that his wishes are disrespected, and this will affect your relationship. Why risk it? In general, tattoos don't have a very positive connotations in our culture; it's the art of the "fringe" element, of the disadvantaged, quirky or eclectic. It's not unreasonable of your husband to feel that this form of self-expression, being that it's permanent, is crossing the line.

Answer 22

A well done tattoo shouldn't fade or change more than your skin itself does. Unless you spend time tanning, your tattoo should look as nice in ten years as it does the day its done. Maybe you'd need a little color touch up down the road, but thats about it. If you tan, your tattoo may change and will age much more quickly. So if you're a tanner, the tattoo may be something you'd rather skip or place in an area where you tan less.

No one here can tell you if you're making the right decision on this. You're the one who has to decide if the tattoo is worth aggrvating your husband. You're also the only one who really knows just how upset he would be. No one online knows if he's just going to grumble about the tattoo and get over it or if he will see the tattoo as a sign of your disrespect for him. You're the one who really knows him.

If you're not sure exactly how he feels, you need to talk to him about it. Tattoos are something that people form a judgment about. If he's come to his opions based on trashy, badly done tattoos on less than appealing people, then it may be time to change his perspective. If he's really sat down and thought the idea over and has strong convictions, you may be stuck. So having a long talk about why your hubby hates tattoos and why you want one so very much should help you decide how everyone feels about the situation.

In the end it is your body and you can do what you like. But, since you're married you need to understand his position on the matter before you make your decision.