Is it wrong to have your Maid of Honor not live in the same state?

Question

Ok so i'm getting married in April. I want to have my oldest friend, who lives a plane ride away, be my maid of honor. She and i have been best friends since high school and still keep in touch. I think my friends that live close will be hurt by me asking my old friend to be maid of honor. The only thing is my friend that lives out of state won't be able to help plan the shower or bachelorette party. Is it wrong to have my old friend have the title of maid of honor and my other friend perform the tasks?

Answer 1

no your old friend should be you go way back in the day. nobody should get upset about that. Your friends should back you up and support this no matter what.

Answer 2

I dont see anything wrong with it. I see it this way...your other close friends will get to feel like they are playing a big part by basically planning the showers/parties themselves. So I say go with you heart and have your oldest bestfriend be your maid of honor and just let your "new" friends play their part in other ways.  

Answer 3

Not wrong but an inconvenience for both of you. Just tell her what you told us and leave the door open for her to decline if she needs to. It is just cause of the situation, so be understanding if it doesn't work out. Chances are though, it will work out and she will accept.  

Answer 4

No, if you have knwon her longer and think of her as your maid of honor, no one can tell you otherwise.  if your friends here need an explanation, then they are not the best fo friends then.

I had my maid of honor, BUT what happened was that my other bridesmaid ended  up helping more than she did anyways.  They were all in state, so I don't think it will work planning on having someone do all the work anyways, since some people drop the ball anyways!

You can have her stand wherever you want.

Plan your own things, that way you get what you want and you do what you wanna do.  They can help...that way no one feels like they are "in charge".  Worked perfectly for me!

Good luck and congratulations!

Answer 5

Have a maid of honor and a matron of honor.  It is up to you, don't let what they think be a contributing factor in your decision.  IT IS ABOUT YOU AND YOUR FIANCE. Not them. If they are true friends, they will be honored to just be able to stand up for you.  And they definitely should be ok with you having your oldest friend to be the maid of honor.

If one of the girls is married, have her be the matron of honor, and then the single girl can be the maid of honor.  Or just have to two maids.  It is your wedding darn it, do as you please!    

Answer 6

Its your wedding, do what you want.

Quiet frankly, the only thing MOST people care about is the reception afterwards where everyone gets to eat, drink and socialize....all the other details and ceremony only really matter to the couple being married.

Just being honest.

As fars as MOH, Its kind of think its tacky to have one woman do all the WORK, and another woman get the HONOR......thats kind of zhitty.....and even though everyone says its "your" day, everyone around you still has FEELINGS, and I think other peoples feelings are a bit more important than some "day"....

Answer 7

no i don't think so. i know a girl getting married and her maid of honor is in a different state!  

Answer 8

Nope.  It's your wedding, not theirs.  Don't think of right verses wrong, think 'preference'.

1) You could forego the bachelorette party to avoid dumping uncredited work on someone

2) Or you could find some unique way to credit the planner if you have the party

3) Or you could have the party out of state - near the old friend's place - can you say "road trip?" - so she can plan it.

4) Your local friend should be mature enough to turn down a request to plan the party if she isn't content to go title-less.  Don't twist her arm, but do explain the whole story.

Answer 9

Yes, I think it's unfair to the friend who has to do all the chores for the queen.

Answer 10

have 2 maid of honors.  

Answer 11

It's your wedding.  It's all up to you!!

Answer 12

no

Answer 13

I was in a similar situation - I lived in MN and was maid of honor for someone who lived in MT.  Her mother in MT actually did the bachelorette party and the shower, though I helped as much as I could once I got there.  It was a bit more difficult then as the Internet and e-mail wasn't as popular as it is now.  

I think you are fine.  People usually understand why you are picking who you are picking.  And, it IS your wedding...

Answer 14

I don't think so.

Answer 15

Not at all.  I would have the maid of honor in this case do more tasks the week of the wedding, help you out getting ready, right before the wedding, final plans, etc.  For whatever time she would be in your town.  I had my best friend fly in from Germany, and all other bridesmaids lived all over the state.  I had 6 in all, and every single one was just glad to be asked to be in the wedding.  Have your old friend as maid of honor.  :-)  Congrats on your engagement!

Answer 16

Its not wrong at all, your maid of honor should be the person you consider you bestest best friend.

Answer 17

Its your wedding so whatever you want is all you need to worry about. Let your friend who is taking over the tasks of the MOH know that they will need to perform extra duties without the title. If they don't want the responsibility just be prepared to find someone else that will.

You could also have a 2nd MOH?

Answer 18

Nothing is wrong with it; just because she lives far away doesn't mean she isn't your best friend. If she truly is, then you two have been through a lot together and it would be perfect. Your new friends will just have to deal with it. I think it's fine. That's what I would do.  

Answer 19

nope. my sister is away at college and she is my maid of honor. i also have a bridesmaid whose in another state. its worked out so far. you might have to pick up some of the slack but i think itlla ll come together

Answer 20

Have them do things together by phone or email.  In this day and age you can overcome anything.  There is no law saying that she has to live in the same state.  Be diplomatic and ask the friend that lives in the same state with you if she would be co Maid of a Honor and tell her of your dilemma if she is a true friend she will be more than glad to share the responsibilities and take on the brunt of the planning.

Answer 21

Perhaps you should think about having 2 maids of honor. It's your wedding, and you should be able to do whatever you want, and if they are both very important to you... why not? Perhaps you will be setting a new trend :)

Answer 22

It's your wedding and no I don't think anyone should get mad.