Is it wrong to hit him?

Question

Ok I asked this question before but I am still stuck in the same boat. First things first. My fiance and I have been dateing for 6 yrs. He has a 7 yr old son from a previous relationship. So mind you I have been in his son's life since he was about 1 1/2. Anyhow his son is HORRIBLE. He don't listen nor respect his father or me. I also have a 4yr old daughter from my fiance in which his son is so MEAN to her. He hits her with belts, shoes, toys, etc... sometimes leaving brusing or marks. Also strikeing her anywhere and everywhere including the face.He also tells her to do thing that he knows will get her in trouble. I don't know what to do. His dad puts him in time out and talks with him, sends him to bed early or whatever he chooses but that isnt seeming to work. I am a firm believer in "old fashion whoopings". It's works great for my daughter and it worked well for me. Can I "whoop" him?

Answer 1

I would spank him with his parents permission. Only if he is really that bad. and if they dont allow that then you should either send him home for good and only let him over when daddy is home till he can act better or sit him down lay out the rules and tell him you will bring a belt to his little butt if he dont start listening to you. nothing wrong with scaring the child

Answer 2

in my family(military) you get spanked for this kind of behavior. look your his parent now to. in your household you must lay down the law and show him how to behave. if you let this slide, its only going to get EXTREMELY WORSE as he becomes.........a teenager!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Answer 3

You can't hit the child.  He's not yours, if anyone his dad should give him a smack.  You've asked the mother if he behaves like this at home, did you ask her how she handles him when he does something wrong.  What works for her?  Could she speak to the boy about his behaviour when he's with you?

Answer 4

well my sisters boyfriend spanked me over his knee on the bare when i was acting up and my sister didnt dicipline me but my sister was also 30 and her bf was 32 and i was 10. so if my sisters bf was able to do it then im sure you can just put him over your knee pull off his undies and pants and give him the but woopen he deserves but dont over so i t just do it till his evil little but is beet red

Answer 5

..."If" this little "punk" were under my care and custody... he'd have a perpetual "little-red-azz" till he gained some respect and changed his behavior...  (my father, from time to time, needed to "correct" me and he had a very helpful "correction tool"...it was the "flat" paddle of that silly rubber-band and rubber-ball thing... He called it the "no-no"...and it amazingly and quickly adjusted my attitude).  If "he" told me "no" once, that should have been enough...but when he had to tell me "no" twice... then...out came the "no-no"... worked wonders !   (and no, he never "injured" me...but I did have a "bright-red-azz" till I got the message)

Answer 6

He needs a good spanking, but since you're not his biological mother and he might know that, let daddy do the actual spanking but let him know that you and daddy together are making the decisions for his discipline and that you and daddy are a team.  A good old fashioned "just wait until your father gets home" goes well with a good ole whooping!  My only concern is that he might associate the spanking with hitting and may continue to hit.  I"m having this struggle with my 3 1/2 year old in that when I spank her she tries to hit me back.  I need to read the book myself, but my mom keeps telling me to read "The Strong Willed Child" by Dr. Dobson.  I should have read it a couple of years ago when my baby went from an angel to a 3 year old going on 13.  Good luck!

Answer 7

I think you should convince your fiance to give him a good slap. The brat needs to smarten up. While you are not the biological mother, if you raise the child, YOU are his mother, not the woman who gave birth to him.

I disagree with dueinoctwith#3 because, while you did not give birth to the child, it is your child. Disciplinary action is yours to decide, yours and you fiance's, and you should make sure he administers it, not you.

This will not only lead to the child beginning to smarten up, but it may drive him towards you a little, and he may begin to respect you because he feels that you are nice to him, because you won't hit him. Never encourage it in front of him, but make sure it happens.

Time Out won't do a d**n thing if he hurts your little girl. I think you need to do a bit more than that. Start taking his things away from him until he smartens up.

This whole "child abuse" bullshit is retarded. I can understand not beating your child within an inch of his/her life, but a slap on the wrist, arm, or bottom? If the child is so horrible, they deserve it.

I say get your fiance to turn the boy over his lap and hit his *** hard. The child has no right to hit your daughter, and if he's not taught that it is wrong at an early age, he will continue it long into his life.

Seeing as how you describe his actions, I highly suspect his mother is trying to turn him against you. He has no problems of this sort at home, he disrespects you and your fiance, and he hits your daughter?

Never treat your daughter as if you like her better, because he may feel resentment from the favoritism. Love your son as you do your daughter, even if he is not born of your stomach, because he IS your son.

No matter how often this woman takes the boy, he is your son just as much as he is her son.

The little snot needs to be taught some discipline, so, by all means, teach. And to any naysayers, you are raising him as your own, therefore he is your own.

Answer 8

gurl he at your house.....his mamma has diffrent rules then you do....whoop his asz...WHEREVER HE ACT A FOOL AT....THATS WHERE HE GET IT AT....and plus he hitting on your baby...GIRL AT THAT!!!!oh yea TEAR Him UP!!!!!! and his mamma to if necessary!

Answer 9

if you do decide to spank him, you don't do it. it sounds to me like he is acting out because of the situation. also she said her house is a non spanking house, and if you are the one to do it she will start so much drama in your house that you don't need. unfortunately it has to be somehting the mother or father does. maybe he is acting out because he feels your husband doesn't spend enough time with him. i know its not his fault he has to work but a 7 yr old doesn't understand that. he came to visit daddy but daddy isnt around. thats all he gets. also another problem might be the mother. she may be saying some horrible things about you and the father and he's registering at terrorize them. maybe try some family counseling. i can tell   you as soon as she finds out you laid a hand on her boy she will unleash a hurricane that you and your the daddy don't need or want. she will make your life a living h**l.

Answer 10

Here's the deal.  Some children will respond well to spankings others will not.  If this child is already using physical violence to threaten your daughter, there's a good chance that spanking is NOT a good approach.  It only reinforces and justifies his physical approach with your daughter.

Try creating a "calm" atmosphere as best as you can.  "SHOW" him what he is doing and let him know that what he is doing is WRONG.  Do not spank your daughter in front of him.  Instead, treat your daughter with the same respect that you expect him to show her.  The fact that she gets spankings and he doesn't is sending him all kinds of mixed messages.

Find his rewards, 9 times out of 10 he will be willing to work for your approval if he respects you.  If he doesn't respect you then you have to show him that someone he does respect (biological father/mother) does respect you.  

Instead of focusing on "punishment" try focusing on rewards.  If he cleans up his toys, brushes his teeth, goes to bed without a fight, eats his lunch without complaint...etc.  Find every reason you can to tell him that he is a good boy.  Praise him every chance that you get.  It might be difficult at first but you may just find that he is using negative behavior as a way to get your attention.  When you focus on the positive, he will in turn focus his behaviors accordingly.

The most important thing you can do as a parent is maintain a calm, positive, and relaxed environment for children who are inclined to act out for attention.  Let him know that when he plays by the rules and behaves well that it will be worth his efforts.  Once he is convinced of this, he will without a doubt change for the better.  At the end of the day you will find that you enjoy his company more and that he enjoys being with you...everybody wins!

Here's a great link offering alternatives to spanking:

http://parenting.ivillage.com/tp/tpbehav...

Remember, you must provide your child with an environment in which they can learn the inherent value of carefully thinking through their actions before they act.  As the adult (and role model) you too must carefully consider all of your actions, what the end results will be, and act in a way that is calm and level headed...not rash and violent.  In the end, you only get back what you put out.

I hope that helps...good luck to you and I hope that you all find new ways of enjoying one another's company.

Answer 11

I don't think it is your place to spank him -- I agree he probably needs it -  but I think that is stepping over the line for you to do it - his dad should be doing it.....

So issue is - how do you handle him all day.... tough. I'd say send him to his room, timeout..... send him over and over and over if you have to. Make him wait in his room until his dad gets home - Its awful - but what else can you do - You can't let him hurt his sister.

Of course - if you get permission to spank him -- from his mom OR dad - go ahead - I mean, you've been around long enough.... that its not like you are truly a 'step' mom (new-person) and you are the one left with him all day....

What does mom do to disapline him??? I'd follow her plan if it works over there -- he's going to keep pushing and pushing you to see what he can get away with, and its going to get worse if you don't stop it -- so you definatly need to do something.....

Tough situation.... sorry I'm not more help!!

Answer 12

yes, if ur man give u permission then girl beat his behind i dont have kids but i baby sit my cousin all the time they mother dont whoop them and they be rude and bad with her but me i beat there behinds and when they come to me they are a new person. you half to set rules and lay down the law with some kids. and with him yes its necessary. dont let him keep getting by with that becuase he will think its okay to do it. but if you whoop when he do it he'll stop or calm down cuz he'll know yor not playin with him.

Answer 13

Not your child so nope you can't go "whooping" him.  I know if my ex ever gets a girlfriend or wife and she hit one of my boys i would be beyond upset.  I don't care how long you are in a childs life, you aren't the parent you don't get to decide if he gets a spanking or not.  Just keep your daughter away from him, never leave them together unsupervised and talk to you fiance about the problems.  If it can't get any better you may need to leave for the sake of your daughter

Answer 14

The thing that strikes me here is that you seem to treat this child like he's an outsider... atleast that's how you portray this... and if that is the case that can be the majority of the reaosn behind why he's acting out...

Try to self refelect and see if that's the case, if so try to better your relationship with him and see if that works... My daughter (who is only four) went through a recent phase where she was acting up a lot... it was rough but after many many many time outs every day and spankings she shaped up... I think as long as it's a spank not a "whooping" you're good... but only when a spanking is called for... I mean you shouldn't spank him for every little thing he does... experiment with diffrent forms of punishment and see what seems to work... also try to reward for good behavior and with love....

Hope it gets better... I'm sure it's frustrating.

Answer 15

ITS WRONG TO HIT HIM!

never hit your kid(s)!