Is it wrong to not tell wife i am tring to get her pregnant??

Question

here the story iam 36 soon to be 37 my wife is 32 soon to be 33 in october! we have a child a girl she is 1 1/2 and well adapted. my wife has not worked in over 2 years and would like to go back to work soon but we would like to have another kid i want to try for a boy. we both agree that 2 is enough regardless if we have 1 boy, 1 girl or 2 girls but i do not want to wait untill iam too old or my wife is too old i hear that after 35 it is more likely to have birth defects then before my daughter is health and doing well but my wife wants to wait untell she is 36 -37 yrs old which i am afraid that is too much of a risk for her and the baby!! plus it would put me at 41 yrs old. no my age comes second to my wife ok that is my world but i have to be honest here right?!?!??!!? so do i try to get her pregenant and say its a accedent or tell her the truth we are not using birth control we are using the i pull out method!!!

Answer 1

If you're not using birth control (and pulling out is not birth control) and your wife is 32 years old then presumably she knows she could get pregnant and is willing to take the risk.  Unless you've claimed to have had a vasectomy and haven't, there's no "tricking" involved.

Answer 2

This HAS to be a joint decision; you never mislead a spouse.  Discuss it with her, and proceed accordingly.

Answer 3

you stupid t**t you need to tell her, think before speaking (or posting)

Answer 4

If you trick your wife into becoming pregnant she will resent you forever.  Don't get me wrong, she will love the child whether it was a trick, accident, or planned, but it will put a huge strain on your relationship.

I totally understand your point of view - pop them out within a few years while the wife is already off of work - but you need to remember that it is your wife who will carry this child.  She may already feel overwhelmed by having one child running around (an 18 month old child is a handful without the added pressure of being pregnant), or her body may not be fully recovered from the last child.

Seeing as you are using the withdrawal method I would suggest that you are 20% likely to get pregnant anyway, without you tricking your wife.  Before a man comes he releases what is called precum, which is packed with sperm (any one of which might get your wife pregnant).  So I would leave it to chance - this way both of you know the risks of pregnancy anyway.

Please do not trick your wife into this - imagine if the shoe were on the other foot?  You would not be impressed.  Besides, if you did try 'not pulling out' and she didn't get pregnant, chances are she wouldn't be happy with the withdrawal method anymore!  So your chances of getting pregnant are then zero!

Do the maths hun.

Answer 5

Be honest with her. Lying can only jepordize your marriage.

Answer 6

WOW you are a hard one to find! LOL! First of all, the pull out method isn't always a sure thing, so you still might get her pg without really trying. Just tell her how you feel and she might feel excited that you told her. The worst thing you could do is lie to her. We as woman love the truth and hate to be scammed into things. If she REALLY doesn't want another one until then, you don't want to force it on her either. I was ready almost 2 years ago in Oct to try and so far we've had no luck. I think it was a blessing though because now he's on full force. He's 37 going to be 38 in Nov and I am afraid of the same thing you are (age wise). I am only 28 though and everyone keeps telling me I have time, but I don't want to be an old parent either and would like at least two!

Give it to her straight and try to make it sound like a good idea. Childcare is expensive and if you can get them both out of the way while she's at home, the better - GL!

Answer 7

well im 7 months prego on the pull out method (come to think of it he probably was trying but w/e) so u might not have to try very hard very much longer, tell her after a certain age she is more likely to have a multiple birth and if she means the world to u tell her and she should understand!.

Answer 8

you say your wife would like to go back to work soon and your thinking of doing that to her! Id feckin kill ya if I was her, j

Answer 9

wow, well if u "forgot to pull out" she would just get the morning after pill.

talk to her though and tell her how big of a deal this is...

or just wait til your both drunk ahahahaha

Answer 10

i have a question also. how on gods green earth does a male "trick" a female into getting pregnant? i have sat here and thought this through. the pull out won't work, b/c if you didn't pull out she would know, then what? will you say oops, im sorry and she thinks that you did it on accident?? is  that what you mean? ive thought of all the others also. no condom, she would know. what other birth control can men do that you can actually trick? she cannot be that concerned about it anyway, because everyone knows that the pull out method sucks. i have 2 beautiful "pull-out" babies, and am on my third. you should just tell her. it will be alot easier. if she respects you then she will think long and hard.! good luck!!

Answer 11

It's wrong.  There is no gray area.  You need to talk to your wife again, and really communicate to one another, there must be a way to meet in the middle.

Answer 12

you should tell her you want another child... because its not like you have to push out a baby lol.

Answer 13

do you really want your son to be "an accident"?

Answer 14

hummmmmm, what a good one. i see your point, you don't want to wait, plus it could be unfair to your unborn child that has parents that are tired and worn out. you need to think of the future and having such a huge secret hanging over your marriage. however, with the pull out method accidents happen all the time...... if you can live with the truth and never ever ever reveal to your wife that you decieved her, than go on and go for the boy!!!! Boys are little treasures...

get the kids all done and over with and your little girl will have a playmate.

i had two kids back to back and now that they are three and four, it was well worth it!!!

Answer 15

Ummm you're not going to fool her unless she's REALLY unobservant.  If you are going "all the way" (to put it delicately), she's going to notice.  I'll put it like this...What goes up, must come down.  Get it?

I'd be sooooo mad at my husband if he was deceptive with me.  You don't need to tell her, you just need to stop it.  Then discuss it with her to find out if she is 100% in agreement.  It's her body that has to do ALL the work after all!  

A woman really needs to be physically, mentally as well as pychologically prepared for pregnancy, not to mention labor and delivery.

Just a side note...if I told you today that your wife has been secretly taking birth control pills every day, how would that make you feel?

Answer 16

Lying is never recommended especially when a baby is involved.  How would you feel if she told you she was on the pill and stopped?  It is deceitful and destructive to the trust of the entire relationship.  I would talk to your wife before you end up in divorce court.

Answer 17

Be honest with her, there is only 1-4 days in a month she can get pregnant and you have to know those days.Otherwise if you doing it in the wrong day you probably turn 41 before you know it.

Good luck, I have 2 girls.

Answer 18

Having a child is a decision that both parents make, not one. You think she will just laugh it off when she finds out that it was not an accident?

If you wait, you'll be a bit old and there is an increased chance of complications. However, medical science has progressed a lot and having children beyond 35 is not as risky as it used to be.

If you try to get her pregnant "by accident" then you are taking a much bigger risk.

Weigh up the consequences, I'm sure you'll find this is a no-brainer.

Answer 19

do you know how hard it is to have a kid for a girl? do you know how much pain she has to go thru to give you your children? i dont even know why shed go thru the pain just to give you one kids, seeing how selfish youre being. she probably wants a rest because having a kid is hard work. plus, 36-37 isnt that old and the chances of your baby having a "defect" are very slim. even so, you should love your child no matter what. if you want to have a baby sooner, then just talk to her about it, because not telling her is just cruel.

Answer 20

Should she tell you she's getting an abortion?

Answer 21

Having just had a beautiful and very healthy baby boy at the age of 37 to my husband of 40 I have to tell you that you are talking rubbish! (Tired and worn out K2???? I still have all my own teeth and it's a long time until I'll need a colostomy bag, a rocking chair and a blanket over my knees!!)

Yes there is more risk of defects after age 35 but the % increase is tiny.  The bigger risks come after age 45.

Babies must always be a joint decision.  Leave the poor women alone and let her go back to work.  She isn't a breeding machine.

Answer 22

You need to talk this out with her, as us moms are always the ones left with the responsibility of the child.   All you have to do as a dad is provide financially and greet them when you get home from your day away....at work.  I would be pissed if my husband did this to me!

Answer 23

Just talk to her about how you feel. If your not using birth control then how is it that your trying to get her pregnant? Are you just hoping or are you doing something she doesn't know about? She knows your not using birth control... Unless your planning on not pulling out on purpose I don't see how your doing anything wrong,(but I dont think you should do that!)

Answer 24

Don't lie.

Anyway, the pull out is not very effective.  It has a high failure rate and I would guess she'll get preggo before 35 anyway.

You do need to have this conversation with her and make sure she hears your concerns AND how much you feel about them.

But you need to consider her life too, and if she wants to return to work and have that life again for a bit before being tied down to another little one, you should talk about it and hear her too.

The worst case would be if she is really not ready - and gets disappointed or depressed for having to stay hom again if she wants to be working - you will have a very unhappy and probably tired woman on your hands.

More and more women have babies in their mid thirties and while the risk is there for anyone - she is not that bad off at 35, really.

But talk to her.  You are married and you're not teenagers!! You must love her, so respect her too.  Don't violate your trust, you'll only feel guilty about it.

What if she did this to you and you didn't want more kids?  What if she stopped taking the pill and lied to you??? How wyould you feel?

Answer 25

FYI - using the pull out method isn't a very safe method to avoid pregnancy to me anyway.  But, be a man and tell he ryou honestly are concerned for her health and safety if she waits.  Not telling her and intentionally lying to her is a good way to ruin a relationship.