Is it wrong to prohibit behaviours in your children that you find annoying but aren't necessarily "wrong"?

Question

Basically I am wound up very easily by things most people don't even notice..like loud chewing, slurping, whistiling, scraping cutlery, humming, heavy breathing, banging on surfaces to name just a few..mainly certain repetitive sounds and behavioural habits. I really can't put up with them in my house it would drive me crazy!! so when my daughter is older I guess I'll have no other choice than to deal with these behaviours as if they were bad. Is this ok..Do you do this?

Answer 1

Parenting is up to the parent!

See my blog for topics like these & advice:

http://mammatrauma.blogspot.com/

Answer 2

No it's not wrong - children need to be taught good manners and behaviour.

Answer 3

I don't believe its wrong to prohibit the behavior, but try not to get too frustrated when it happens over and over.  I'm just like you and my mother is the same as well.  Teaching your child that it isn't polite to smack their food or to be deliberately annoying is good, as long as you find a constructive way to do it without punishment.  My twin 3 yr olds have many annoying and what I find to be disgusting little tendancies, but they are only 3, and some things I have had to learn to just let go.  I'm not gonna say it's easy, but you have to figure out what you can learn to live with and what you absolutely cannot.  Kids are kids, and will do things that will blow your gasket and your mind LOL.  Its all a learning process.  Good luck, and as she gets older, you will find that things that got under your skin today, may not be so important a few months or years from now.  At this point, I'm just happy my girls aren't hurting themselves and are getting along LOL.  

Answer 4

I have a couple of suggestions.  One, our children need to learn socially accepted behavior and some of the things you mentioned definitely fall into that category so feel free to teach your child the difference, also try going to an integrated therapist and identifying the reason some of these things drive you nuts it might well be worth the trip and make it easier for you and your daughter to live comfortably together!  

Answer 5

My mom is the same way as you. When we were kids, any noises that annoyed her were quickly hushed.

Now I'm the same way.. easily annoyed by certain sounds... so I will probably be hushing my child if he annoys me.

I think it teaches kids not to be annoying. Which is fine.

As long as you're not mean about it, I don't think it's wrong.  

Answer 6

strive for a balance.  some, like slurping, are just plain bad manners

and every parent should teach their children not to do it.  others, like

whistling can be decreed outdoor behavior. on the other hand, kids

are noisy creatures.  you cannot keep a silent house without doing

serious damage to the child.

choose which behaviors are allowable, not allowable, outdoor, then

be consistent.  is you cannot live with the normal noise of having a

child in the house, then perhaps you need to get some help.

Answer 7

I think that we have to remember children must be taught to be polite,to use manners and about etiquette.While it may be more socially acceptable to have your child eat quietly,use the correct utensil etc. it is more important to let mealtimes be a time of sharing time together in a relaxed atmosphere.If you feel the need to make a comment about mealtime noises  say it once then drop it.A child who is anxious when eating will never find pleasure in one of the easiest and daily opportunities to spend time with each other.Children make sounds in other activities  mainly because they are busy at play and are happy.A very quiet child may be more of a concern.I'm a grandmother of three, Let me also add you will have lots of hustle and bustle when your children bring in their friends.This is also a good opportunity to find out who your children are playing with.A home is not a museum nor  a library where quiet and order are expected.

Answer 8

You remind me of my Baby Mama.  She won't allow our child to be 'annoying'  It ain't even annoying.  (me and mama aren't together but she lives under my roof, i'd just assume kick her *** to the curb)  When a child comes into the world they are more or less primative.  It is up to the parents to turn them into human beings.  As a child gets older, they become more interested in what happens if they do this, or do that.  They don't know or have the understanding that, 'hey if i do this it'll annoy mommy so i'm gonna do it'  It's more like, 'hey, i do this, it makes this sound and that's cool'  here's an Idea, let the child have fun, you can't keep them still, that's a headache in itself.  If they wanna make noise, however they want, just let them.  They are kids, have fun with em.  Don't be too controlling, cuz i'm realizing that's what's wrong with the 'youth' of today.  enjoy your child and they will enjoy you.

Answer 9

no its not ok you have serious issues, i am not saying you are a bad person because you recognise them but you need to seek help because your child will have even more serious issues as they grow and the cycle will continue as she will think its normal! get help now, it is so wrong to do this because what you list is basically everything about a personality small or large young or old, god i pity your partner!

Answer 10

Things like smacking your lips, scrapinng cutlery slurping, and loud chewing and banging on surfaces you need to teach her to stop it because that gets on a lot of peoples nerves and she'll chase off quite a few friends doing that when she gets older because I had to get away from some people who did that even at an early age. I was taught to not do those types of  things because they are considered rude table manners and they are disgusting. Loud breathing may be asthma and even if it isn't, if you comment on it enough like saying something like, "are you breathing okay?" "Whats wrong are you getting enough oxygen?" eventually they will get tired of you asking about it and stop if it can be helped, if not you may want to see a doctor.  

Answer 11

Children are not born with social graces. Parents need to set examples of good social graces and admonish bad habits so that the children learn the skills necessary to function in society. I just wish more parents would do their jobs. Maybe our jails and trailer parks would be less crowded.

Answer 12

That is part of teaching basic etiquette.  I think  you have to choose your battles, you can't expect a silent household.  I wouldn't prohibit humming or whistling if it was quietly done to themself and not loudly in the store or something where it would disturb others.  But there is nothing wrong with teaching good manners.  Too many parents are afraid to correct bad behavior because they think it is criticizing or cutting down their child.  I think it just depends on how you say it.  "Please chew with your mouth closed".  "It's not polite to slurp".

Trust me, the better behaved your kids are, the more others will want to be around them.

Answer 13

I don't think it's wrong in the least.  But I would suggest choosing which battles you want to engage in and which ones you can let be.  My son has this "goat" noise he makes and it irritates me to no end.  I have to tune it out because I know he's a toddler and will make silly noises.  My 3 month old has sinus issues to she breathes loudly pretty much all the time.  I know it's something she cannot help so I don't let it bother me either.

BUT there is a difference between things that can't be helped/the usual kid noises and noises that need correcting.  Loud slurping, lip smacking at the table, chewing with an open mouth and other behaviors of that nature all need to be taught and corrected.  I wouldn't necessarily think of them as "bad" behavior, but rather a chance to teach appropriate manners and to think of others' feelings.  Teaching good manners and good etiquette is an essential and it's certainly not wrong to prohibit those things once they are old enough to understand it.  For a while you may have to deal with it because when kids are infants they don't understand "Please don't smack your lips".  As they get older they will catch on.  You'll do fine.  

Answer 14

I think you will find that your daughter will be able to do most any of those things and it will not bother you nearly as much as if someone else is doing it. I also find some of these things to be very annoying.....especially loud chewing and heavy breathing. When my husband returns from  running and sounds like he needs oxygen (Lol) , I just leave the room otherwise I would go insane.

******That head of hair is amazing! So precious!**

Answer 15

loud chewing, heavy breathing and slurping all make physically sick. I want to gag when I hear it. Luckily, my kids are the same way- maybe yours will be, too! :)

No one in my house can whistle, lol, but that wouldn't bother me. Neither would humming.  

Anyway, if I find something annoying, I'll tell them so and they just stop. It doesn't harm a child to tell them if something is driving you nuts. It's just life.