Is it wrong to punish a child for "going" in their pants?

Question

I am still working on potty training for my son and he's nearly 3 1/2. He knows he needs to "go" on the potty. I have tried all sorts of things as rewards, and encourage him and praise him constantly. I was wondering if it's wrong to punish for accidents? ...not anything too harsh, but I was thinking about making him take a nap or taking a toy away for a short while or restrict him from tv or something...what do you think?

Answer 1

I potty trained two girls and they were like night and day.

My oldest daughter I had 100% no problems with. She was 2 years old when she decided that she was going to potty train herself! She just sat on the potty and went. And she never had an accident after that day. It was like a potty miracle!

My second daughter I was not that lucky...far from it. She was 4 years old by the time I had her trained during the day. She was 5 when I had her trained during the night as well. She just couldn't feel that she needed to potty.

Her doctor said that for some children this is completely normal. They take longer to develop the muscles which tells us that we need to go. So, no...I would never punish a child for having an accident when it might not even be their fault.

It is all about patience and perseverance. Keep encouraging him to use the potty and keep it a positive experience. Kids will backslide if they are afraid that their parent will be disappointed or angry with them.

Keep it light and make it seem like it is normal. Simply ask him every 1/2 hour or hour "Do you need to potty?" If he says "No" then leave him be. If he has an accident then just say "Ohhh..we will have to remember to go to the potty sooner next time." And if he does go to the potty then make a huge deal out of it. DON'T make a huge deal out of him going in his pants. DO make a huge deal of him using the potty! Jump up and down, hoop and holler, and make sure to tell Daddy and Grandma what a big boy he was!

Kids love attention, whether it is positive or negative. So make sure you feed him positive attention. Buy him new underwear and pajamas with his favorite character on them when he does use the potty.

He will get potty trained eventually so, try not to worry about it and rush him. Keep it light hearted and positive. It will work out in the end.

Good luck!

Answer 2

My son is the same way. I have found that he gets to busy in something and doesn`t want to get away to use the potty. I have sucess in rewarding him when he goes.

I keep a huge bag of suckers in the bathroom (wherever the potty goes) so he has a visual of it. He knows there is something waiting for him if he goes. He still has accidents though, and I am sure he will have more.

The bowel and bladder are the LAST thing to mature in a child`s body. So, the more he is growing doesn`t mean that he is gaining the physical capacity to hold pee or poo.

I wet the bad up until I was about 8 years old. My grandpa and an uncle were the same way. Sometimes its hereditary, but most often they just aren`t phsycially capable.

My mom said she punished us and I do remember many spankings for wetting the bed. Please don`t do that to your child. It wasn`t until she took me to a specialist did we get to the bottom of it...

Answer 3

yes that is very stupid, why punish your child for a bodily function he may not be able to control, than he will be scared and just hide things from you.... some boys have problems for a long time i know Lots of random guys.... some had problems up to 13years old, mostly at night but still.... Heck no dont punish him for it

Answer 4

Have you tried rewarding him when he uses the big boy potty?  

I give my son 1 peanut butter M&M for #1 ans 2 for going #2.

Also, I constantly ask him if he has to go.

Accidents still happen every once in a while but no matter how frustrated I get I never let him see it or direct it towards him.  Just like any accident, that's what it is, an accident.

Answer 5

Punishing your son isn't going to teach them but might scare them has well. I am still stuggling to potty train my four year old son. Want you need to do is. When he does go pee or p**p in the potty give him a special reward a sticker piece of candy. Then maybe he see that. he try so hard to keep going potty then having accidents.

Answer 6

Punishing a child isn't going to encourage them to learn any faster. In fact, it could make them regress in their learning.

Answer 7

Make him help you clean up his mess!  This works great and also makes them stop playing to do it.  Soon he will figure out that it is faster to go in the potty that to clean up his mess!!

I give my son naked time during the day for an hour or two.  We have tile in our kitchen, so we do it in there.  He gets a much better idea of his bodily functions this way and we have a potty in there for him to run to if he needs it.  He is 14 months old and will go get on his potty chair when he needs to pee all by himself!!!

Answer 8

who has ever heard of a parent punishing their kid just cuz he's not mature enough to take care of himself. Even though if it's just a little punishment, that's harsh and brutal

Answer 9

dont punish him. all kids learn this at different ages, i promise by the time he is 5 he will be fine.

My doc said most kids still wet thier pants until they are 4 so he just might need alittle more time to relize when he needs to go.

Answer 10

honestly.. I don't think it right.  Potty training is successful when your child is physically and mentally ready.  Having an accident..well its an accident.   I have a 2 1/2 yr old and his father gets mad when he doesnt tell us he needs to go and I get mad at him because I think our son cant help it and he's going to emotionally scar him.

Answer 11

Would you punish a child for falling down when he is learning to walk? Would you punish him for mispronouncing a word as he is learning to speak?

Just like walking and talking, using the potty is a skill that some children master sooner than others. And some children have an easier time with it than others. It is not a behavior issue, but a developmental issue. So please don't treat him like he is doing something "wrong" when he has accidents. He is learning. That is part of the process.

Answer 12

Yes, it's wrong to punish a child who is working on potty training for going in his pants.  Some kids have medical problems that cause them to have difficulty potty training or developmental delays.  Punishing during potty training only makes children have negative attitudes towards going to the bathroom on the toilet.  You'd do much better to positively reinforce him when he does go.  The fact that you're calling them accidents makes me think that you don't believe the child is doing it on purpose and they are just that..accidents.  Potty training typically doesn't happen until the child is physically and cognitively ready for it.  Some kids take longer than others.  I'd suggest talking to your pediatrician to see if he has a medical problem that's preventing potty training and be patient with him.  He'll be able to sense your disappointment and frustration in him.

Answer 13

Hello, isn't this part of parenting fun? Just kidding! My son just turned 4 and when he was your sons age is when he finally "got it" about potty training. He seemed fearful of going on the potty even though eh had a little one on the floor to use. I am assuming your son also has a little child potty too to use. I thought of all the rewards and all that and what I learned was that children will do it when they are ready. They have their own agendas and time lines. And you can encourage him to go potty and also remind him and all that..but punishing him for this is not helpful at all. Instead positive reinforcement works best. If he/she tries on the potty, even without success..they get a sticker on their sticker chart. If they actually go potty they get say an M&M(or some other little treat). But don't punish him, he just may not be physically ready to be trained yet. Some children just take a little longer to "get it". But just keep encouraging him and you can show your disappointment if he has accidents or whatnot, but not get angry or punish him. Good luck!

Answer 14

do not punish him. accidents happen.

Answer 15

Punishing for accidents only makes it worse, they become afraid of you and will only hide the accidents and it becomes a task.  I do take away cartoons if my son has accidents while watching because he just doesn't want to get up from the TV to go but you can't just take stuff away because he has an accident.  At 3 1/2 you need to remind him to go every hour to try to prevent accidents.

Answer 16

I know how frustrated you are. My son is also 3 1/2 and he is finally potty trained. Everyone told me he'd do it when he was ready and they were right. One day he was in diapers refusing to even sit on the potty and the next day he decided to do it and has been very successful with only a few accidents.The only thing I did different on the day he decided it was time was to put him in undies when we left the house. Prior to that I'd put him in undies at home and end up changing them 10 times a day when he'd wet them. If we were going anywhere I would put a diaper on. That day we were going to my parent's house and I decided to keep him in undies. I don't know if that triggered something. Maybe the going back and forth between diapers and undies confused him. Just a thought. Good Luck to you!

I also think the feel and learn diapers are worthless. The cooling effect didn't phase my boy at all. I think they need to invent "Get a little itchy" diapers that make the kids very uncomfortable when they go in their diapers-LOL

Answer 17

on one hand I agree with the other answers and the other I don't. they are right about one thing your son may have a bladder disfunction. but on the other hand he is pushing 4 and should already be potty trained my daughter is 3 and she is completly potty trained. I know that all kids are different but if he is purposly going on him self when he knows where the potty is and he does go when he is sitting on the potty then there is no excuse he knows how to tell you he has to go. so punishing him with a timeout is okay I did it with my daughter and she wasn't confused at all she was fine she got the tired of having to sit in time out after she wet her self instead of going back to play. she got the hang of it. I would go to his doctor make sure he is okay then decide from there. it;s totally up to you and it's just my opinion but I know a lot of people I mean a lot of people that have done this when potty training and their kids came out fine.

Answer 18

he'll get it in time no need for punishment

Answer 19

no

Answer 20

Yes, it is wrong.  He is as frustrated as you are when he has an accident, probably more.  Keep praising him when he does a good job and just clean him up and tell him it's okay when he misses.

It's hard to learn to focus on it when so much is going on in the world.  He will come around and get it, but punishing him will make him scared and he may start holding out and then you will really have a problem.

Good luck !!!

Answer 21

First off, remember that boys take longer to learn how to use the toilet. He doesnt have full control over his body functions, and it will only make him not want to use the potty at all. If he has an accident, you should clean him up immediately and say something along the lines of "Oh, looks like you had an accident. Thats OK, you can try again later!"

As for someone saying he's too young to take care of himself, that is so true. I remember having extremely long hair when i was a child, about 5 years old, and my mother decided that she was going to give me a bowl cut for not being able to brush my hair on a daily basis. Im still upset with her for it, and cant get past it. Im 23 now.

Maybe you should be on him every 30 minutes or so. Ask him if he has to use the toilet. Or, better yet, dont ask him. Tell him its time to try to use the potty. Chances are, he will use it soon enough. Just constantly encourage him, even if he doesnt actually pee or p**p on the potty. "Thank you for trying!"