Is it wrong to pursue a sister that does not know I exist?

Question

My mom became pregnant with me at 17, the father denied us and we never saw him again. When I was 12 I found him, we met very briefly and talked a bit. He has dodged and avoided me all these years, over 15 now, and he has other children that know nothing of me at all. I found my "sister" his child and she has been told terrible things about my mom, etc... is it wrong for me to want to know her? She is 27 and I am 32.. we have both been told a lot of different things but I have had ZERO relationship with my bio-father and never met his kids ~ she is open to me over the internet but her Dad sticks by what he is saying about my mom and my not being his and is telling her to tell me to not contact her anymore ~ but we are adults and she is now seeming to back off a bit, but in a kind way... did I do something wrong? So far we have only spoken over MySpace where I found her and its been a week. What do I do now?

Answer 1

I would at least try to meet her. I have a brother I have never met and I would love to get the chance to some day.

Answer 2

we went through a similar situation with my husbands dad and his wife, my husband had no contact with him for around 20yrs and we found them living 2okms away, anyway, he was apparently very violent and quite a nasty man in his day, yet his wife seemed to blame my husbands mum for the split and taking the kids, we made peace with his dad and unfortunetly he passed away about 6mths later, the thing is you get two totally different stories, you believe your mum, she believes her dad and thats totally acceptable, if you want a relationship with your sister you need to both put aside what your famalies are saying and concentrate on building a relationship built on each other not families blaming the other for what happened, this is how we managed to get to know his dad and he has younger siblings he found also, we just make a point of not blaming or for that matter bring up any negative family issues as its not his "new" siblings fault or business  

Answer 3

She's an adult. You should respect her wishes. If she chooses not to pursue a relationship with you, you must respect that. She has a right to listen / believe and think what she wants. You should not try to force her to accept you or your side of this story. As in every situation, there are two sides. The best you can do is to share your side of this story and if she wishes to maintain contact then share with her. If you desire a relationship with her, why not leave the past where it is. Do not attempt to 'win' her over because in your attempt to win her you will loose her. You're asking her to choose your side over her father. Since she was raised by him she most likely respects him and his decisions, even now as an adult she may not wish to loose the love of her father.

I feel sad for you, I am sure you would have preferred to build a relationship with him too. It's too bad he has chosen not to include you in his family.  

Answer 4

Go.....Find her and tell her the truth......

Answer 5

you are both adults. do what you want

Answer 6

I was 21 when I contacted my biological father's mother for a picture so I could see what my Dad looked like.  One thing led to another and thriteen years later we now have a decent relationship.  Things don't sound like they will get an easier for you where your father is concerned.  I'm truly sorry for that.  However as far as you half sister goes.... be patient, she may just be dealing with issues with your Dad on this and may need some time to build a relationship with you before she jumps in feet first.  I have two half brother's from my bio Dad and it has taken us years to develop relationships.  Things have worked out well for me, and I'm sure they will work out great for you as well.  Just be patient and she'll come around.  Remain open and friendly.  Best of luck!

Answer 7

GET OUT AND MEET YOUR SISTER,THIS IS FAMILY.