Is it wrong to really dislike my daughters great grandmother?

Question

not hate - i wouldnt wish her any harm, but when it comes to my daughter who's birthday it was yesterday - everything she does irritated me. we went to my in laws, my BF grandmother was there.

my girl was walking about, and wanted to play with the silliest things, her shoes, baby wipes, balloons etc. but everytime my girl went in her direction she kept taking everything off her saying she was going to fall - by walking about with her shoes in her hand?! after about an hour she had a big pile of my daughters things beside her. she got a fifi bubble mo which is a push toy she walks with and bubbles come out - she even took that off her.

every 2mins she was saying to me, im not sure she is meant to be playing with that, she shouldnt be eating that - fruit, she shouldnt be drinking that - water?!?! but she thought it was acceptable to have her finger up her nose then try to take a bit of melon out off my daughters mouth while she was chewing it.

that was the last straw, aside from me almost vomitting at the thought, i could feel myself getting angrier.

everytime my daughter fell over her feet, she glared at me, like i had pushed her over.

i just cant stand her company, and i feel bad for thinking that because she is old but she makes my blood boil. any advice how to deal with her?

Answer 1

You'll just have to be firm with her - but make sure you're calm and polite about it.  She's obviously over anxious, but it's because she loves her great granddaughter, it's not to purposely annoy you.

Take a deep breath every time you know you'll see her - and it wouldn't hurt to have a word with the inlaws about it (maybe they'll talk to her).

It won't last long - when your daughter is three she will probably tell her great grandma in no uncertain terms that what she is doing isn't dangerous or going to hurt her!

Maybe this old lady has witnessed a baby that's had an accident in the past - or could she even have lost a child or relative that you're not aware of?  There may be a reason for it, unless she's just neurotic.

Answer 2

Its the older generation, they think they know best when they dont, you are her mum, you lay the ground rules, if she is playing with something and the great grandmother takes it off her, just say i allow her to play with that and ask her to give it back, she will soon see that YOU rule the roost not her

Answer 3

aahhh families! you're right she is old and the important thing to remember is that she won't change so don't expect her to.  See her on a regular but not often basis and for short amounts of time and just grit your teeth!

Answer 4

Empress is right.  She should still see the baby even though it'll be hard.  She's probably just old school and doesn't understand why the baby has all these things to play with when her generation didn't ever have / need them.  Just try to bare with it=(  Maybe the bf could be the one to take the baby over there instead of you.  Then you wouldn't have to deal with her as often!

Answer 5

It's hard to find the patience sometimes with people who have different opinions on parenting than you, but it's probably for the best for you to grin and bear the times you spend with her as this is the best example to set for your daughter, to be tolerant.  I don't think this means that you have to stand by and let her undermine the rules you have in place for your daughter though.  If she was taking toys off my daughter, then I would probably make light of it and point out that it is designed for her age and that she enjoys playing with it.  As for the comment that she shouldn't be drinking water, I would have to ask her what she thinks she should be drinking instead.  In her day of being a mother, it was probably a dash of scotch to keep the child seen but not heard.  It sounds very frustrating, but I would let it go over your head otherwise you're not going to enjoy family visits at all.

Answer 6

Maybe you should not be around her. When your bf wants to take your daughter to visit, maybe you should do something else! That way you won't see what grandma is preventing her from doing!

Answer 7

you can pick your friends............

Answer 8

i have issues with my inlaws too. my miL always made comments on how i should do this or that. all my inlaws acted as if i didnt know what i was doing! i have more experince raising a child then them (i raised my sisters and my inlaws sent they r sons away at the age of 11!! )

then one day they all jumped on me for me making a request about them taking my baby out without me knowing.

i had it i stood my ground and decided until they see theyr faults they WILL not see my son!  

just give her some space to realize wat she is doing.

Answer 9

I would have said "actually she's fine." and returned my babys things! You obviously respect your elders but YOU are a mother now and must parent your child. MY mil has a friend who is constantly on at my daughter..."Dont run...don't take that in the house..." It drives me mad as I am a very relaxed parent...who is she to tell MY child what to do? Your boyfriends great Grandma is from a different generation...you can overide her without being rude...."Just give your daughter her things back and say "It's fine actually" and then take your daughter to sit or play away from her.

Answer 10

Every family has one. I hope she doesn't live nearby. You're dealing with her the best way you can. She can't be reasoned with. Sometimes you've just had all you can take and you have to say "So?" Like, "She's going to fall!", "So what if she does? Shes 2 feet tall whats the worst that will happen when her diapered butt hits the floor?" Stuff like that. She'll get mad but she may stop obsessing for a few minutes.

Answer 11

I'm glad I'm not the only one. I'm laughing here. I have the opposite problem. EG My son was being naughty around the shops but his Nan bought him a toy anyway. So i took it off him and said he couldn't have it until he could behave. So his Nan proceeded to take it out of my hands and say "Oh here, just have it but be a good boy." I have no power.

As for your problem, I agree with all of the other answers. It's because she's from a different generation. It's just typical that it's your BF side of the family. In Laws Ehh?

Answer 12

there's one of those in my bfs family too but luckily i have his mother (i.e. my sons grandmother) on my side. she always makes sure this great aunt isn't allowed near the baby. ever. i think if you had someone "on your side" it would help you deal with the situation. you would find the visits easier and then after the visit you had someone to moan about the whole thing to. try speaking to your boyfriend or maybe his mother or father or speak to other mums in the family.