Is it wrong to tell a 3.5 year old you are dissappointed in them?

Question

for example they are misbehaving and you sit them down and tell them that their behavior is unacceptable and you tell them I very dissapointed in how you are acting. You know that you're not supposed to do (INSERT BAD BEHAVIOR), now i want you to go to timeout. My wife thinks it bad to use the term disappointed I think in this kind of context its OK

Answer 1

yes it is ok..as long as you dont say you see what you had done.

Answer 2

You have to be careful how you phrase it, because you want to make it clear to the child that their BEHAVIOR is what is disappointing to you, and not that you feel the child himself is a disappointment to you.

For example, saying "It is very disappointing to me to see you do _________ when you know better" or "It makes me feel disappointed when you...." makes it clear that their behavior caused you to feel disappointment.  Saying, "I am disappointed in you" can make the child think they they, and not their behavior, are the source of disappointment.

Focus your negative comments on the behavior in question, not the child.

Answer 3

In my daughters nursery (they are all aged 3 - 4) the teacher will tell them that what they have done makes her feel sad.  Or if they have done wrong by another child that their action will make the other child feel sad.  I think this is great because your not making them feel like they are bad and it is encouraging them to think about other peoples feelings and teaching them respect.  I help in the class so often see her do this and the child really does stop and listen and think about it.

Answer 4

In that context I think it's right to tell them that their beaviour isnt' what you want. But with other stuff, like spilling water or somehting, it's wrong and would teach your child to be ashamed of themselve.

Answer 5

no it is not wrong.  when my kids does something i dont like i make sure he know that behavior is unacceptable. of course he goes right back and does the same thing.  but rember kids are people pleaser so they will try.

Answer 6

I'm a single mother and react the same way to anything my 3 year old does that I don't appreciate. You have to be straight forward, or they will walk all over you. Granted, some may say that you are doing it to a child that is too young but if you want them to learn respect and discipline, talking is mostly better than punishing.

Answer 7

Disappointed is not a bad word.

Answer 8

Having a time out corner or chair is a good thing. Everyone gets to think things out.

Answer 9

It's okay to tell them you are disappointed in their behaviour.

It's not okay to tell them you are disappointed in them.

It's only a little difference in wording, but it matters. You need to get over "I love you, but I don't like it when you behave like this".