Is it wrong to think this?

Question

is it wrong to think that i would rather have lived with my real family and have a harder life then live with my adoptive family and have a good life? i think about it all the time and idk if its "not right" or "normal"

Answer 1

i think it's normal.

Answer 2

Let me answer a question with a question.  Why  would it be "wrong" to want to be with your flesh and blood?

I'm glad your adoptive family had the means to provide you a childhood that it sounds like you enjoyed.  There's nothing wrong with that at all.

However, there's nothing abnormal or wrong about wishing you could have been with your natural family, too.

Answer 3

No, it's not wrong. Your feelings, thoughts and emotions are always right for you. Don't let anyone invalidate them or make you feel bad about them.

Answer 4

Nothing can break the bond of blood. A good education, more money, lots of love, or just removing you from neglect... none of these matter. Blood equals an unbreakable bond! No matter who raises you... that feeling will never go away. But we can't change the future. We can't go back and decide who should have raised us. You never know, how you life would have turned out. No one really knows. Your feelings are completely normal and you shouldn't feel bad for thinking that way. Just make the most out of both relationships. Adoption and donation can make a couple very happy, but at the same time a childs heart can get confused and hurt. Maybe we should all stop thinking about how inportant it is to have a child all to ourselves, and think about how the child would want it to be. Now all cercimstances are different depending on the reason the child was adopted out. Me, personally, I was mainly put in to foster care because we wer poor. My mother had 6 kids, 2 husbands walk out on her, no education, and she couldn't keep a job because no one wants to watch 6 kids for under $600 a week. The father's would rather be jailed then to pay support.... and they were... several times, but that didn't help us any. I would have rather lived a poor life and haveabsolutely nothing.... then to live with the most wonderful set of adopted parents. I guess it was just my age. I was 15 and I had a very strong bond with my family. The system took us away from our blood, put us in the home of strangers who passed a very easy evalution, trusted them, and broke a relationship we had with our other siblings. How do they have the right to take us away becuase we are poor instead of helping us? How do they plan to give me back my 10 years that I have missed with my brothers and sisiters? Don't get the impression that I am angry. I am good now, after crying myself to sleep for 3 years. (EVERY NIGHT ALMOST) One day we will find each other and love each other with what time we have left on this earth. Not really fair, but reality!

Answer 5

I agree with the people who already answered saying that it's normal- any feeling YOU have is normal for YOU.  Don't beat yourself up over those kinds of thoughts.  That's what natural curiosity is.

Answer 6

No no no no no.  It's never wrong.  What could be hurtful tho is if you tell your adoptive family that you don't want them or things like that, because they chose you.  Just remember that since you're adopted, you're twice (possibly) as loved.  Your family could've chosen any other kid, but they wanted YOU.

Answer 7

Not wrong at all.

I've felt exactly the same way.

It's one very confusing world being an adoptee.

You thoughts, your feelings about your own adoption - are yours - your truth - and nobody should ever tell you otherwise.

If you ever need any support - a great adoptee forum on the internet is here -

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index...

You'll never be told how you should feel there.

Wishing you all the very best.

Answer 8

No, it is not wrong.  I had to let my great neice & nephew go and live with their biological father and step-mother because I could not take on two more children.  I have always regreted that.  My great neice has told me almost the exact same thing you are saying.

Answer 9

its normal

Answer 10

I think that any feeling you may have is normal.

Answer 11

No its not wrong. I often think the same thing. I know that living with my birthfamily could have ended in my death, as I am multiply disabled and needed much medical care that may not have been available or accessible to my birthfamily, I just feel like knowing who I am may have been worth less time here.

Answer 12

very normal, before knowing my birth mother's circumstances I use do to dream and have fantasies of living with her and having a wonderful life. I just think my life has been hard anyway, I don't think it would have been much different. I have had traumas separate from my adoption that any other person could have like deaths and losses. It's hard to say.

My birth mother is on a disabilities benifit so she really wouldnt have been able to care for me and my father left. I think in the long run for my health, it was the best choice and for my education. But for my emotional well-being I think being with my birth family would have been best. So sitting on the fence really on that.

Answer 13

It's normal.