Is it wrong to want to wish my first Mom Happy Mother's Day...?

Question

...even more than my adoptive mom? I feel so guilty, but I feel like my adoptive mom has had a decades of "Happy Mother's Day's" from not only me but also from my siblings (her bio children).

My first Mom has had none. I just feel so much more like wishing her a Happy Mother's Day this year. Is that wrong? I mean, she gave birth to me. Doesn't she deserve my love, too?

Answer 1

Why can't you give them both a happy mothers day.  To not wish your a mom happy mothers day would really hurt her.  I think it is great idea to want to share the day with your bio mom in anyway even if it is with a phone call.

Answer 2

Do it.  Your feelings are valid - neither right nor wrong - and it clearly will make you feel good to wish her Happy Mother's Day.  There's also no reason not to with both your a-mom and b-mom Happy Mother's Day!

I am an adopted child, and now an adoptive mom.  I know my birth mom is thrilled to have "Happy Mother's Day" greetings from me, and I also know that if we knew who my son's b-mom was, we would want to send greeting to her as well.

Answer 3

Of course it's not wrong!  It's very right and natural for you to want to wish both of your mothers a happy Mother's Day.

Talk to the mom that raised you, and let her know how you feel. Is there any chance that your first mom could be included in the family celebration?  That way you wouldn't have to choose between them.

Answer 4

It isn't a matter of deserving love but your willingness to give it.  The bottom line though is do you think she wants to remember? While she loved you she may not want to think about mothers day as it could have painful connotations for her.  I guess it would really depend on how open your situation is and if you have an ongoing contact/relationship with your first mother or not and how good that relationship is.

Answer 5

Follow your heart.  Wish her a Happy Mother's Day if you want!  Your Mom should understand.  (I agree with R above me, too.)

Answer 6

I'm not sure why a person can't wish a Happy Mothers day to all of the important mom's in their lives....  I wish my Mother and my Step-Mother both a happy mothers day.... I also include my Mother-in-law and even my ex-Mother-In-Law because all of the "Moms" in my life have a reason to be considered special....

Actually, I haven't spent too many mother's days with my own mom--given we live 2,000 miles apart... I usually end up spending it with my MIL.... I have actually even celebrated Mothers day with my kids step mother two years in a row... We all went to brunch with my children so that they wouldn't have to "decide" or hurt any mom's feelings.....  

I guess I don't see a reason that you can't honor your birthmother without feeling as if it is a matter of deciding one over another--so the way I see it is a person can feel "special" toward a mother in their lives without taking anything away from how they feel about another mother in their lives.....

Answer 7

Oh it's definitely not wrong to wish your first mom a "Happy Mother's Day", however, your adoptive mother should be wished the same. It doesn't matter who has had the most, they are both your mothers and should be celebrated in kind!!!!

Answer 8

yeah, i totally agree. She does deserve your love if you feel like she does, and she is entitled to mothers day greetings imo.

I miss my mom especially on days like those.

Answer 9

WRONG? Oh no . It couldn't be futher from the truth.

In so many case, us moms have never had our motherhood acknowledged at all. Sometimes we had to wait in secret for the sad days to pass.. as mother's day only made us feel the loss even more.. or even if we eventually get acknowledge for other children,  we still missed our first babies.

Follow your heart.. she is your mother.. yes, love her for that.

Answer 10

No it's not wrong. My daughter has always recognized her bio mom on Mother's Day. Your bio mom will be thrilled.

Answer 11

I would just wish them both a Happy Mothers Day.

Answer 12

I know your fmom will cherish your Mothers day wishes always. My bdaughter sends me a mothers day card every year since we found her and she sends my husband (her ffather) a card too. You can't have too many people who love you.

Answer 13

No it is not wrong.

How you feel is how you feel.  There is no right or wrong.

I know your first mom will treasure anything you give her.  Your first mother deserves all the love you can give her.

Don't feel guilty.  I hear many adoptee's here say they have two mothers.  They are two different people and two separate relationships.  You may end up loving your first mother more and that's okay too.  How you feel is how you feel there is no right or wrong:)

Answer 14

absolutely not. but maybe dont let your adoptive mom in on your feelings, and wish her happy mother's day the just the same as you always have. your first mom deserves your love, she gave you life, then made the decision to give you a better one. your adoptive mom deserves your love because she's the one who sat with you while you were sick, listened to your problems, fed you, clothed you, and so on and so forth.

i hope im not being rude in assuming you were adopted as a baby. if that's the case, forgive me and pick out the parts that still apply ( i hope all of it does, adopted from birth or not!)

hope this helps.

Answer 15

How sweet to think about both of their feelings. I say keep the peace. Wish them BOTH a "Happy Mother's Day". Can you spend half the day with one and half with the other? Or maybe you can celebrate with both, but on different days.

I can say this, that your first mom is used to taking any crumbs that come her way, and she's grateful for whatever she gets. She'll be thrilled with whatever you decide. I would be, just as long as I got to see or hold her.

Best wishes

"Lauren's" first mom

Sam's mom

Answer 16

It isn't wrong, but I wouldn't do it at the same dinner as your adoptive mom, and also, since it appears you've just been re-united, I'd also make a little something extra for your adoptive mom, who might feel a little out of sorts because she couldn't give birth to you.  I would suggest a scrapbook for your birth mom, showing you at different ages, with friends, that you were happy growing up, and include pictures of the 2 of you now.  Good luck, and Happy Mother's Day!

Answer 17

You can give them "both" Happy mothers day!   I think they will both love you for it.    Your birth mom loved you enough to give you a better life and your adoptive mom loved you enough to choose you so I think you should always love the both of them.  Because they both love you!   I think you are extra special to have two moms that love you deeply.  I think you are a great person to think of them like that.

Answer 18

it's not wrong to do that. Your adoptive mom should understand that.

Answer 19

give them both cards!