Is life a gift..................?

Question

If so, is it only a gift for adoptee's?

I see answers sometimes saying "your 'birth' mother gave you the gift of life". As a non-adoptee, no one has ever said that my life was a gift my parents gave me. And considering they then abused me, emotionally and physically, neglected me, emotionally and physically, and were general all-around bad parents, I don't know that I think this life they "gave" me is such a wonderful gift.

I'm glad to be alive, and I'm extremely thankful to have survived my childhood so that I can learn from it and not repeat the same mistakes with the next generation - and I wouldn't be who I am today without my childhood experiences - but I just don't feel that my parents did this wonderful, amazing thing by having s*x at that particular moment, drinking and drugging throughout the pregnancy, and deciding not to have an abortion.

I don't know what I ought to say to that "gift"...I guess...um...thanks?

Do you feel that life is a gift? Is it only a gift under certain circumstances, or to certain people? If so, why? What makes one person's life less of a gift than others?

Answer 1

I believe that everything has a reason. You are eithermeantt to be born or not.  If the gift of life came form god the why does there have to be abortion, the lost of a baby. It's just someone saying God saved me when the plane went down but lrt a baby that has done no sin die.

  I heard the same thing said when the couple who stole my grandson. He the baby was a gift from god to then. I asnwered back if the gift was ment for them then they would not had to adopt  

Answer 2

See, I have mixed feelings about this whole way of talking and thinking.  I think having your life to live is wonderful, and this applies for anyone.  I don't know that "gift" is the right word.  AND I DON'T THINK ANY HUMAN BEING IS BORN WITH A DEBT OF GRATITUDE.  

I do think it's very courageous and not the easy decision for many women to choose to carry a pregnancy to term.  I know that for my daughter's birth mother, she knew her only feasible choices were abortion or placing her child for adoption.  I can't even imagine being in that position.  How can I NOT be grateful for the amazing person of my daughter that came from her choice?  How do I feel that gratitude, even express it, without putting that feeling of obligation on my daughter to feel "grateful" for something she had no choice in and that involved loss for her?  It's just all complicated and emotional for me.  This is somewhat straying from topic, but it has even made me have different feelings about abortion.  I am still pro choice.  I would never deny a woman in my daughter's birthmother's unimaginably difficult position the choice of abortion.  But, in a more concrete way, I imagine now the real lives with real value that are prevented by abortion.  

Answer 3

I had it rough, too, hon. Life is a gift from God, maybe not parents exactly! I believe all ppl have purposes in life! U sound like u have alot of things on ur mind. Maybe u need to talk to someone about it and don't let it continue to frustrate u. I did. It helped alot!

Answer 4

Yes, I believe that life is a gift: for everyone.

Great parents, lousy parents; it isn't really about them.

God/dess gave all of us free will and we are 100% responsible for the quality of our lives. And hopefully, how we chose to live our lives will positively influence our children.

Answer 5

this women at church adopted me years ago lol

Answer 6

I see life as a gift from God.  

  I don't think that "gift" is the word you are looking for here, because from your question, you see strings attached.  A gift is something freely given, that doesn't require payment or some obligation in return.

However, due to the enormity of that gift, all of the potiential and possibilities, a person has a responsibility to make the most of that gift and use it wisely.  

When I hear of one person "giving the gift of life to another", I immediately think of blood/tissue/organ donation, not birthing or adoption.  

So yes, I do see life as a gift, but it is to everyone.  Adoption doesn't figure into it.

Answer 7

You are very confusing. You say you are a non- adoptee that was abused- Physically & emotionally but rather be with the family that were all around bad parents. I always thought you were an adoptee through your answers. You sound anti- adoption. I understand the "abuse" term to be serious stuff like the shocking way social worker needs to intervene and the kind they show on T.V and you gasp and say how such parents need to never have children. I don't understand your attitude.

Well anyways to answer you, IMO i don't believe in parents - birth or adoptive- giving "gift of life". As a believer i believe in this being God's gift.I believe in God's plan for us in everything. I don't feel they did us any favour even if they were good parents. Mine were and i love them lots. But i feel gratitude for their "upbringing". Something that will stay with me for life. I was given values, i was taught to be empathetic and kind towards all, etc. That is something i am thankfull for. My upbringing means more to me than the life.  

Answer 8

Every life is a gift from God, but if you don't believe in God, then I guess you may not call it such.  I am adopted and I feel that my life was a gift- but first and foremost from the one the created me- GOD.   If I was raised by my biological mother, I would feel the same way.

Answer 9

yes, life is a gift.

its up to you to realize it.

the sooner you do, the more you will get out of it.

Answer 10

Life is a gift from God.  Unfortunately there are "parents" out there who do not know how to treat their gifts.  I'm very sorry that your parents sucked but as you stated it has made you into the person you are today.  Your life is a gift and you will see that when you have your own family because if you didn't have your life then you wouldn't be able to produce more life.  Hope that makes sense.  

Answer 11

yes life is a gift

be grateful your parents didn't abort you

nobody's perfect and there are no perfect parents only real people doing as best as they know how

there is only one god and your life is his gift to you

Answer 12

It seems that you're being purposefully obtuse, but in case you're not I will try to explain.

People who tell you your birth mother gave you a gift of life are trying to teach you gratitude and a healthy outlook, but they are overstepping and their comments are inappropriate.

The simple truth is that while we can not and should not be grateful toward our parents we really SHOULD approach our birthmothers with gratitude because they chose a very difficult path so that we would have a chance at an ideal family.

Carrying a child is not easy, and even before we established our reproductive rights in the US it was possible to terminate a pregnancy. Facing probing questions, pity, and even scandal is not an easy path. Someone did that for you and then had the strength to recognize that she was not in a position to be a mother.

I'm not insensitive to what you're saying, though.

I'm a pretty tough minded, independent individual but I've got a small child who is often told that he is lucky to have us for parents. I intervene whenever I hear it and explain that we are like every other family but I know I'm not there every time he hears it. Even at his young age, Korean people have chosen to try to tell him what his life would have been like if he had not been adopted. They actually mean well but I don't want my child to EVER feel like he has to be grateful to us or his birth mother. I just want him to be.

I think he'll get this when he's older and even embrace a healthy gratitude but it is definitely a delicate subject that requires much more nuance than many people can manage.

Hey ML - you don't have to love your parents, you just have to now that they're your parents. Hate them all you want. Sometimes mine are incredibly annoying. That doesn't mean they aren't my parents.

Answer 13

I am so fortunate to believe that my life was a gift from my parents.  I have been so blessed to have been raised by happy, hardworking, parents, who took the time to be parents to me.  I was doubly blessed by growing up near all 4 of my grandparents, and 3 great-grandparents.  I'm now 42, and still have my mom and my grandma.

I've always known that my life was planned, that my parents were ready and tried to have me, and I truly feel my life is a gift, and in some ways, not from my parents, but from God.  

As an adoptive parent, my son was almost aborted.  His sibling the year before was, and his 1st mom kept his sister, born just a few weeks ago (my prayers are for them both).  I believe God has a plan for him too, and I hope (as I'm quoting some of your answers), that I can be the best parent ever for him, so he'll believe his life was a gift.  I'm also encouraging his 1st mom every way I can, so she can get her confidence up, raise his sister (and older brother), and so she can be part of our son's life, and be a further gift to it.  

I asked this question to my brother-in-law, who'd been given up for adoption at birth.  He said his life is a gift, and that he was raised by terrific parents.  My other half also believes his life was a gift, because he didn't know he had a brother until just a few years ago, and now the 2 are reunited.  All of us see the glass as half full, not half empty, and perhaps that's why we all believe that our lives are gifts.

Answer 14

Wow. I thought you were an adoptee. O.o

I find it ironic how adoptees are constantly told they were lucky to even be alive and are always supposed to shout to the skies if they love their aparents.

Well, if their aparents ARE the 'real' parents - the *only* real parents according to some users here - then why do adoptees need to be claiming their love for their parents? Do non-adoptees walk around all day having to respond that they love their parents? Of course not. So then why do adoptees have to? Isn't it a given that adoptees should love their parents?

Suzy: What makes you think I "hate" my adoptive parents? They ARE my parents, d**n it. How many times do I have to state THEY ARE MY REAL PARENTS?! Disliking the system does not mean I wish death on my adoptive parents, nor does it mean I grew up hating them or feeling like an outcast.

Unfortunately, what you seem to disagree with is that I also think my first parents are real. You said you came from unstable biological parents and you knew they weren't capable of raising you, nor did you want them to have raised you. THAT'S FINE, I never said you HAD to consider them as your family! All I'm saying is that FOR ME, my biological parents are my real parents as well!!

Answer 15

Parents don't give the "gift of life."  I believe that life comes from God -- a Higher Power, if you will.  Just to be clear, that life is NOT a "gift" for the parents.  It is simply for the person receiving life.  The most parents do is decide if they will let that life continue on through birth.

So many first mothers never considered abortion -- not once.  Mine didn't.  I was actually a planned pregnancy and a wanted child.  

Further, some women who ultimately give birth and end up parenting did consider abortion at some point.  They may not ever tell their offspring that they considered it, but others usually know they considered it, as they were the ones standing by them as they went through that period of decision.

This talk of thanking them for the gift of life stems from the same rhetoric of gratitude that adopted persons frequently.  Somehow we are expected to have a gratitude that non-adopted citizens aren't expected to have.  How ridiculous.

Answer 16

Life is not a gift. It is just what happens when you have s*x. Some life is planned and other isn't, but basically we are all just animals. Is a dog's life gift? I don't think so. And some people (including yourself) had/have lives that are no gift at all. There are millions living in extreme poverty, war, abuse etc. I would like to see it end so that all life would feel like a gift, but I don't think that will ever happen.  

Answer 17

I think our creation is something that's out of our hands.  Every person on this planet is here due to the actions of someone else, not themselves.  I don't feel that anybody should be grateful for being 'given' life.  It was not our choice, we didn't ask for it.

In my opinion, life is something to be appreciated.  We're here, we manage our experiences the best we can, and once we're adults our lives are what we choose to make them.  You're reasoning is correct, no child has control over their circumstances, it's where we allow those experiences to take us as that matters.

Every human being is as entitled and worthy as any other.  How, why or when we got here has no bearing on that.

Answer 18

hi, i do think that life is a gift, but i don't think its one given by our so called " birth mother" i believe its a gift from a higher power. I'm not an overly religious person, BUT... i do believe that there's something out there. i believe all life is a gift and we need to be thankful to be living it.

i don't think we should be grateful to our mothers for not aborting us.(weather we are adopted or not)  i agree with you whole heartedly, so what, our mothers found themselves pregnat and didn't have an abortion, do they deserve a pat on the back and a big " thank you very much for my life" h**l no, they chose to have s*x, they deal with the consequences, if you have a child you don't get praised for giving birth to it, you might get told you do a good job raising him/her. ( if they do indeed do a good job) but that's about it. i seem to be rambling again so i think ill leave it at that, lol.

Answer 19

I think you need some sort of counseling because obviously your "parents" have royally screwed with your life, even today when you say it's perfect, you obviously still dwell on the past.

Answer 20

i agree with you.

life...just like the act which led to conception (absent of sexual assault)...is the CHOICE of the person who carried you.

gift..not so much.

i often get that line thrown at me by pro-life/anti-choice folks who want to remind me that, "what if my mother killed me."  um, guess what, that would have been HER CHOICE to terminate HER PREGNANCY.  

had she made a different CHOICE, i would have been raised by others, or simply, would not have existed. hence, i wouldn't have an opinion on gifts..and life...and blah blah blah...

i tend not to deal in hypotheticals.

ps. for those who want to drag "God" into this:  what about those who do NOT believe in God?  or your God? are they any less a gift.  someone wrote several weeks ago that we should keep God out of adoption discourse.  i wish to reiterate that.

ETA: independAnt---whew! i'm glad you cleared that up.  i was a bit worried. :-)

Answer 21

People that say that generally have no idea what has actually happened, and how most of us feel.

Life is an amazing, wonderful process. That anything is alive is incredible, and the variety of life, different species, different people is just overwhelming.

Life doesn't belong to anyone. Being alive is not a thing, it is how we are. No-one 'gave' me life. Life was mine from the moment I breathed.

It's not a gift, because it doesn't belong to anyone.

Gifts are cd's, candy, a coffee machine.

Life is a process. We should be awed to be alive, not grateful.

Answer 22

Ok, I know that I am going to get a lot of thumbs down for this, I understand that. We all have different beliefs and I respect that very much.

Anywho, No, I do not believe that life is a gift, that does not mean that I do not think that it is wonderful, or any less valuable, but, IMO it is not a "gift". Life just happens. Now, I am Atheist, so I believe that, when we die, we just die, just go blank, nada, no more, nothing happens. There is no Divine "reason" or "destiny". It just happens. Life is just a biological response to s*x. Now, don't get me wrong, the entire process is extremely complex and BEAUTIFUL! However, I don't believe there is some superior being saying, "I feel like giving a gift today, I think I shall create a life"

Answer 23

Gaia

Obviously I have an impersonator now.

I would guess its Kristy because I recently busted that nutcase for impersonating Looney.

I don't look at kids as gifts but as human beings that deserve as much respect and more protection from and of adults.

Answer 24

You take the meaning of "life as a gift" like the gift of life is supposed to be some kind of present. You expect the present to be what you badly want. In otherwords, you are expecting life to be perfect. It's not that.

"Life is a gift" means to be positive and make the most of it and the experiences. Take it as something to appreciate and be thankfull for, which is what a gift is. Things is, what's done is done, so the most you can make of it is to be positive, make a positive difference for yourself or for someone else. At some point, someone will make it positive for you, such as a good friendship, etc. Whatever you believe is "positive" is up to you. If you don't think having a kid would be benefical/positive than that's great for you.

EDIT: Im not too sure, since I dont have experience with this kind of stuff but mabey there is a way you can make a difference in other childrens lives who are being abused. Mabey become involved with social services, or something. Mabey that can give you some feeling of purpose, by being able to help others, since you have personal experience with this. I mean, what's done is done. We all have our things in life that are messed up, it's just how you deal with it and make of it. Of course you can never get your childhood back, but try not to dwell on that fact and end up not having happy life now. Like you said, you wouldn't be who you are today without your childhood experiences, and you also said you love you who are and love life now.

Answer 25

no, all life is a burden.

Answer 26

to me it feels like life is a gift if its spent well. life isnt a gift if its not spent well. but life also teached us lessons. but to me i hate my life and i dont think its quite of a gift for me since mine isnt spent so well so far. somtimes i wish life would just be perfect.. but of course that wont happen anytime soon, this is just my oppion

Answer 27

I see what you are saying.  Many say to adoptees that their life is a gift to their adopters to make them feel better about being adopted but it would make me feel worse.  I would be asking why wasn't I a good enough gift for my mother?  Children are a gift to all parents and should be nurtured and cared for no matter what.

As someone who once suffered deep depression I sure as h**l didn't see life as a gift. Actually I was mad at my own parents for even bringing me into this screwed world.  I mean who would want to live in a messed up world the way it is?  Now I have my own family, I cherish every day, I want to be here for my kids and enjoy every moment I can with them and my hubby.  My children are a blessing to me, I feel blessed by their very existence (I gave birth to them, did not adopt them) and feel all children are a blessing to this earth.  I don't know if that classifies them as a gift?  Children are born to all sorts of people and I doubt God sits up in heaven and says 'I will give them these children although they are screwed up', I just don't think it works that way.  If life is a gift, then it is either a gift to ALL or it isn't to anyone.  There can't be any special rules about it as it is either applicable to the entire human race or no one.