Is life so bad for a 9 year-old?

Question

My 9 year old son thinks his life is miserable because we make him eat healthy food, insist he does his homework, don't let him eat a lot of sugar, and discipline him when he misbehaves at school or daycare. Unfortunately, I guess he goes to school with kids who don't have these 'problems'. Talking to him does zero good. He's determined to be unhappy and sometimes perpetuates that by choosing to misbehave. Of course we love, comfort, nurture him. But how do we get him to understand he's not so bad off?

Answer 1

My child is the same way.  He complains everyone at school hates him, etc. etc.  Upon phoning the school psychologist, she has kept an eye on him, and he has plenty of friends, actually he can't stop talking at school!  Maybe your son just has his down times.  Keep the communication going.  He does hear what you are telling him--even though you don't think he does.   Just keep your eyes and ears open, and give him lots of one on one time.

Answer 2

Sounds like he is heading towards puberty.  A lot of kids feel this way at this time.  Life sucks they feel.  They want to be treated more grown up but are still children, even boys have conflicting emotions.  Everyone else has a better life than they do.  Well this too shall pass.  Ignore the constant whining don't give in to his whims and let him know that the rules in your home are going to remain the same and there is no negotiating.

Answer 3

You need to understand him first. It is all a matter of perspective, no matter what he is going to feel how he feels. If anything I suggest saying 'I know that you feel this broccoli is absolutly disgusting, but maybe we can make it taste better for you?' Or anything in relation to that. Just understand him first, being a kid can be scary, especially when everyone else is in control.

Answer 4

I, too, have deprived my children of the necessities - ipods in 1st grade, cell phones in 2nd, candy for breakfast, etc.

We've emphasized the importance of a healthy lifestyle.  I tell them that we can do fun things because we're healthy.

As for the behaviour, I'm lucky to have some horrible warnings right in the kids classrooms.  That boy who hits and spits - his parents didn't take the time to teach him how to behave and now he's without friends.  That girl who always pushes in line - funny that you've never seen her at birthday parties.  If she had been taught the basics of being polite, she wouldn't be struggling now.  It isn't fun to wait your turn - but it's worth it.

We also talk about those less fortunate than ourselves.  I live in a fairly affluent community, but the average age of homeless people in the surrounding area is 9.  That's right - 9 year olds w/o homes, beds, backpacks.  That was a little sobering to my kids and the ones I teach.  I gave them a minute to think of what that would be like, plus the teasing and shunning at school.

Answer 5

ALL kids think they're so bad off!  They just don't imagine other people's lives realisticly at that age, so they think that all their friend's parents don't try to save on groceries, buy them any shoes they want, etc.  They just don't  have the life experience to know that all families have things they say yes to and things they say no too.  I think the only thing to do to begin opening his eyes to this is to expose him to experience that shows other people DON'T have everything, such as getting your family involved in a Habitat for Humanity project, volunteering to collect things for tornado victims or something of that kind.   Kids can only base their evaluation of what reality is on things they've seen or experienced, so if they're seeing kids they think have everything, they believe that's how life is.  If they start to see people who have nothing, they can compare that with how good their own life is and begin to feel more blessed.

Answer 6

9yos have that as a job - discovering the concept of 'fair' and exploiting it for whatever they can get for it - dont worry it is normal (i have a 9yo boy myself too)

i think tho find some fun times to have and surprise him with it too - so he will have to interrupt complaining in order to enjoy himself

Answer 7

He sees the other kids at school who are not discliplined, parents don't care for them and make them do right.

He wants to be like them and 'fit in'.

You have to do what's RIGHT no matter what everyone else is doing.

Maybe you should explain the BAD side of the other kids lives.

That maybe they have no one to love them, no one to cook for them so that's why they get to eat bad food,  etc

Answer 8

He is trying emotional black mail. Don't give in. It is probably worth explaining what it is like in a 3rd world country. Make him appreciate what he has

Answer 9

Don't be suckered in by his complaining.  Do your job.  He'll understand when he is 25 and you won't have to do a thing to make him understand.

Answer 10

Take him to a counselor - someone to talk to. When I was around that age, I had the same issue. My mother sent me to a counselor, who was very friendly, and talked to me, and helped me to realize my life wasn't as miserable as I had imagined.

Answer 11

A good way to let children see just how good they have it, volunteering at a homeless shelter, children's hospital, etc might help put it in perspective. There are tons of events that people can participate in for the less fortunate. Look into whats going on in your area.

Also, keep in mind that he is almost a tween. He knows everything, and we adults are clueless. Happens to almost every kid. Just be consistent, make sure that the punishment fits the crime, and be sure to reward amounts of time with no punishment. Like a week with no misbehavior at school and daycare, he gets a ____. You know what he likes, wants, and fears.

Maybe, every once in a while have a "crazy day." Where the family goes to some where, and "healthy food" isn't an option. Its okay to go crazy once in a while, as long as its not too over board. If you're at a base ball game, let him get a gigantic hot dog (you'll probably have to help him eat it :P). Again you know what he likes.

If he sobs about doing his homework, well, maybe find a way to make it more fun. Incorporate what he is doing into real life, into what interest him. Shouldn't be too hard. Really, just you showing an interest in what he's doing, and him seeing you want to help, it may help change his thinking.

Answer 12

I would some how show him what happens to kids that's parents don't care how they eat, or if their school work is done or not! he needs a little eye opener my 14 year old is going through the same thing I'm not well of but I'm doing what i can and shes just not happy! I hope things get better for you guys!  

    That's a Good idea take him to a children's hospital ward mabe he can pass  out stuffed animals or something, my daughter spent a lot of time in the hospital when she was younger , their were kids coming in to do that kind of stuff all the time mabe call around!

Answer 13

Time, will tell, all kids his age are like that.

Take a Chill pill.

Lol.Love.Jo.xx

Answer 14

Unfortunately, you can't "make" him understand. That is something that comes with time and maturity. One day, he'll look back on his life and realize just how good he had it.

It happened to me! At 21 and expecting my first child, I'm finally starting to understand and appreciate everything my parents did.

Answer 15

To be honest, it's just a phase.  He will grow out of it.  But if nothing else, you can always "Scare him Straight!"

Answer 16

I use to feel that way and I grew out of it. Keep doing all the right things for him and hopefully by the time he's a teenager or older he will realize his life isn't so terrible. Hang in there!

Answer 17

If you really wanted to give him something concrete to help him understand how good he's got it, you could volunteer with him at a soup kitchen or some other place where he can see kids his own age whose lives ARE rough.  Otherwise, just let him whine.  He'll appreciate it when he's older.  I teach 9 year olds, and you're right- other kids don't have the same "problem."  Instead, they've got all sorts of other problems that their parents simply don't see.  Keep raising your son with love and discipline.  When he starts wearing black eyeliner and crying a lot, that's when you should worry.  :)

Answer 18

Let him grow up, look back on his childhood, and then thank yall for being such great parents and raising him to be good person. While he's doing this, his friends he are with now can be in high school or whatever dipping/smoking/drinking/partying/ruinin... their lives. I say, keep doing what your doing and he will thank you one day, I know i thanked my parents.

Answer 19

when theres a holiday like thanksgiving or christmas

take him to a soupkitchen/shelter &say that u guys r gonna help them out or be volunteers bcuz its good to help out once in a while and he'll see how bad it is for some people&he'll appreciate wat u do

its sortaa like tricking him into it without him knowing