Is love a subjective experience?

Question

I believe I am in love with the current man I am with, but I feel like I experience love differently than most people. Whereas hollywood depicts typical love as ridiculously passionate, and almost obsessive, I feel my love is more "quiet." Has any one else ever experienced this? Don't get me wrong, there is passion in the relationship. However when I think about how I love him, its more of a content, warm feeling, as opposed to the crazy desire that I see many of my friends exhibit. It's a sense of security and well being I receive when I'm around him, and the feeling that we are partners and equals as opposed to "lovers." I started to become concerned because I worried that because I'm not like most people, maybe I'm not in love. Any opinions?

Answer 1

Check out the various words the Greeks have/had for love.  Most of these are HIGHLY subjective.

In my younger days, I assumed that if I was all consumed with a girl, that was love.  Hah!  What pressure to put on someone!

Answer 2

Any emotional feeling is necessarily "subjective," because you are the subject of the predicated feelings.

As for the difference between your feelings and those depicted in H'wood movies, you must understand that drama and conflict are the stuff of any story, H'wood or otherwise. A "quiet love" that didn't depict the inner workings of the characters would serve no purpose.

But I would hazzard a guess that most people experience love the way you do.

Answer 3

Love truly is subjective.

Only you can interpret your own feelings for someone based on what you think and how you feel about them.  

I personally am baffled by how loosely I see some other people use the word 'love'.  They throw it around freely when it's obviously more of an infatuation or fling, but nonetheless, who are we to judge other people's feelings?

As for your current situation, I believe you have a true example of 'real' love.  All these celebs and other naive people who talk about this crazy passion and fantasy of what love is, to me, are all just immature and blinded.  Ask any couple who's been together more than 8-10 years and you'll see that a real loving relationship between two people is way more than the desire and passion of which most relationships begin.  Of course meeting a new person and falling in love is exciting, but the relationships that last long after that excitement has faded is what I consider 'real' love.

Years down the road, I think almost everyone will eventually want what you have - a quiet love - because its the one that will outlast all the others.

Answer 4

Yah, if you compare yourself to what Hollywood proffers, you will always find yourself lacking.

No one but you knows how you love and the depth of it. Stop worrying.

Answer 5

you are IN LOVE i think,i think it takes alot to get to your point and i think your relesionship will stand the test of time  

Answer 6

Everything a person experiences is subjective.  It's up for your interpretation.

I will say this about Love.  There are many types of love.  There's the love of your parents, the love of your friends, the love of your children and then there's your life partner/spouse/significant other/lover love.

Romantic love is tied to lots and lots of stuff.  Time is certainly a factor.  I've come to think of a love relationship as being three components:

1. Passion

2. Friendship

3. Business

All three need to be right.  All three need to be nurtured and communicated well.  

1.  Passion -- This is the crazy stuff.  This is the excitement of spending time alone together, like going out to dinner, going on vacation, snuggling in bed, a water fight in the backyard, pillow talk discussing challenges and solutions or paths to dreams.   s*x is just part of that equation.

2.  Friendship -- This is where decisions and actions are taken with the other's feelings are in mind.  This is where loyalty comes into play.  It's not to say it's done blindly, but neither party should not put the other at risk or abandonment.    This is very hard.

3.  Business -- Believe it or not, a couple is a business unit.  You make decisions how to spend your money.  A couple has to figure out the best way to create a financially secure situation for themselves and any others that are part of their responsibility (children for example).  Finances are important.

My own interpretation of what you are feeling is that you need more time with that person.  I think you love that person, but I'm not necessarily convinced you are in love.  

There are no doubts when its right.  Lust is the other crazy part of the spectrum to watch out for.  It's a fantastic experience, but it putters out.  If you are with this guy and you look at him and see the most awesome person in the world....   Then yes that's love.