Is love what you thought it was going to be?

Question

For some reason, when I was a child, I thought love was going to be something wonderful. I thought I was going to be Lauren Bacall and I was going to meet some fantastic Humphrey Bogart. I watched so many films as a child with fantastic portraits of love and romance that I grew up with a lot of expectations. Now that I have been in love, I've found that it's quite ugly, like some great spotty scabby illness. An unconditional excuse to treat each other like c**p in order to have company or support. Have you been disappointed in your expectations of love?

Answer 1

yes my boyfriend always abuses me and swears at me :(

Answer 2

i completely agree with you, i absolutely hate the girl im in love with sometimes but obviously im still in love with her so it makes hating her very difficult. and dont u just hate those awful publicised quotes about love? like love is patient and kind and love means never having to say youre sorry? what a load of rubbish. love is ... just the worst thing ever really.  

Answer 3

I feel for you, as I  have just recently got married so I am at the opposite side of the spectrum.(we had been engaged for a while though)

For me, its been a mixture of EVERYTHING! It has been amazing, fantastic,butterflies in the stomach and all that but in the beginning when I was uncertain about our future and where our relationship was going it brought about feelings of jealousy, self doubt and occasionally a bit of resentment towards my hubby to be as I was so used to being alot more selfish when I was living on my own!But meeting him and being married to him is without a doubt the best thing that has ever happened to me!

I would like to add that I was married before when I was quite a bit younger and I felt very like it sounds how you feel. EVERYTHING is so so much more different this time, I really cannot compare the experiences, my first time round was a complete farce!Therefore all I can say is maybe your ex hubby to be wasn't the one after all!! Good luck to you and best wishes for the future!

Answer 4

It depends on your expectations. If they are too high and set since you were a child it's hard to get a grip on reality and figure out what "real" love is. Love is wonderful if you are with the right person. Even if you fight you still know you can't live without each other and as long as both sides are willing to fight (and not just to fight to save the marriage or for the sake of kids but for the sake of loving each other), you'll be fine.  

Answer 5

its really hard work especially as i am a romantic and OH isnt.  i spend a lot of time feeling let down, but thats because of my high and unrealistic expectations.....  

Answer 6

Those portrayals in the movies are romanticized and not based in reality so if you expected that then it is no wonder things didn't work out the way you thought.  However, for the most part, with the right person it is a wonderful thing and a truly loving, healthy relationship doesn't consist of people treating each other like c**p.  Don't let this one bad experience hold you back from perhaps finding another person in the future who actually treats you well.  Not all men (or women) are jerks, however, all relationships do take work.

Answer 7

Love is weird. It's a bit like bad drugs. I'm old and settled now but in retrospect I sort of miss all that f**ked-up emotional gymnastics **** and life would be an awful lot less rich and dynamic without it.

Answer 8

love is all of these things.  But it can be the most wonderful thing... I have been through a nasty break-up after a 5 year relationship...it was worse than scabby, felt like fungus growing on me...i thought i would never get over it...

few years later, i met my husband...been married 9 years now...it's not always smooth for us and believe it's not romantic...but our marriage works, we are happy and still very much in love after so long...

Answer 9

Love is always more than what you thought it was going to be, always.

So you probably haven't felt real love if you are disappointed.  

Answer 10

love.... such a fascinating subject. well the love me and my hubby have makes me happier than i ever thought possible, i thought that love was something i wasn't ever going to find.. love is so much more than i expected.

Answer 11

The reality of how hard it is to be in a relationship can be eye-opening.  When you are young you get this pollyanna view of how everything will be perfect because of love, it's just not reality.  Welcome to the real world, love takes work and commitment from both partners.

Answer 12

No I think love is completely wonderful. I also am going through a divorce and I believe that I just ended up with someone I didn't love. After I left my ex I was thinking the same thoughts as you. Now I have found someone new and I have fallen head over heels for him. Love was more than I expected it to be, it is a natural high and feels so good. I believe you will eventually find someone new too, and you will totally agree with me.

Answer 13

Its exactly what I thought it would be, and a lot more besides.  But it is two sided, and I assume it wasn`t for you which is a shame.

I never thought love was something which would be good all the time, but that it would always have moments when it is bleak. My favourite book was wuthering heights and it doesn`t get much bleaker.  Love is give and take, but in the end I would do anything for my husband and know he would do the same for me.  In that I can feel secure and in feeling secure I can feel more love...if that makes sense.  neither one of us wants to be without the other and I would rather, if something bad was going to happen to one of us, i`d rather it be to me than to him.

I know that doesn`t help you much, but you obviously ended up with Mr wrong not Mr Right... Good luck, and keep looking.

Answer 14

we've been lied to since childhood love is a battlefield if you don't take cover or go to the other side you still end up with a broken heart cant win

divorced twice

Answer 15

maybe if you have such resentment towards the person that you say you loved, maybe it wasnt really love at all. in my opinion you can't hate someone and love them at the same time. you can strongly dislike their ways sometimes, but love is all about hard work. if you feel like you need to treat someone like c**p all the time its probably best that you arent with them. keep looking for true love, because believe it is out there.  

Answer 16

I think this has been one of the most interesting questions on here in a long time.

I completely understand what you are saying. It hasn't been what I expected and I'm having some of the same dilemma myself.  

Answer 17

I agree, love is very different from what it is portrait to be. Movies and Books are all about happy endings. I do think love is wonderful, but ALOT of work. One thing that people sometimes don't realize is that passion fades but love doesn't work that way. The honeymoon faze ends (at different times for everyone), and after that you have to make the choice to stay with that person. Never compare love to what you see on movies. They quite literally only show the honeymoon faze or the worst of things. Love is what you make of it. It can be horrible and painfull or wonderful. But most times it's both. I always think that if you consider leaving but make the choice to stay then theres a reason for that. True love is when you don't need that person but you want them there with you.

Answer 18

Is love what I thought it was going to be H*LL NO...lol

Answer 19

I never expected human love to be all powerful and all wonderful. I view love as a choice to do the best thing for the person you care most about on this earth.

This being the case, I have not been disspointed in love, but have been delightfuly surprised at how tender and self-sacrificing it is. You see I wished not to be loved but to love, and so did the person i love, and so, we match well.

Love is not a fairy-tale...it is hard work, but it is the best kind of work in this life.

Answer 20

You're so right. .. I once thought that i found true love. i was heads over heals for this guy. He was the first and last thing on my mind. Life seamed so beautiful during that. but all of a sudden his reality shocked me. He missled me all the way. I felt stupid, betrayed and disappointed...

I believe that there's love out there but it's very seldom to find that special some one that would unconditionally love you

Answer 21

Well I'd say that the meaning of love and lust are totally different and make believe, guess we got to know the difference between what a dream is and what reality really is..

Answer 22

Now you have had a taste fo reality, you can get your head out of the clouds.

Relationships are not all sunshine, marriages actually take a great deal of effort for them to work.