Is marriage in trouble? ?

Question

I have been married for almost 3 years. My husband and I were older when we married. He was 49 and I was 47. We have had a solid relationship the 5 years I have known him. I am taking a sudafed type medication for my seasonal allergies. One of the side effects is that I have troubling falling asleep. I will often stay up until 3 or 4 am because of the medication. My husband works from 6 am to 3 pm. So he normally falls asleep around 10 pm. I am unemployed because of work related injury I sustained while working as a nurse. I would love to be able to have a normal working life again. However, my husband mentioned to me that he would like to for me sleep with him at night. I have reassured him that I want to but the medication is preventing this right now. I also told him that after the frost season comes then I will stop taking the meds and will have a normal sleeping pattern again. This happens every spring/summer because of hay fever/sinus problems. Tonight, we had problems with our internet connection. I was trying to find out why we were having problems. For some reason, he just stormed out of the living room and went to bed at 8:30 mad. This is not typical behaviour for him. My husband is a loving, gentle man. We have hardly ever had an argument in all our 5 years. How can I handle this anger from him? Thanks for any answers.

Answer 1

How about finding a medication that will not affect your ability to fall asleep....Your husband misses you and would like for you to go to bed with him...Even if you can't fall asleep...perhaps lying down with him until he falls asleep may be a compromise....

Answer 2

Make the time to spend weekends together somewhere away from the house.  Go to a movie, dinner, for a walk or anywhere that you can spend some quality time together with no interruptions.  Men are fickle sometimes and feel neglected for no reason at all.  Sounds like he thinks you are trying to avoid him.  Show him you are not and things should turn around for the better again.  

Answer 3

You need to talk to your husband and go talk to your doctor about your allergies.. you need a medication that you can take at night that will make you drowsy and a medication that will keep you awake during the day... hes obvisouly upset because he wants you around and hes not getting your attention and the intimacy of sleeping next to eachother because you stay up half the night.... talk to your husband again about the situation and listen to his side.  

Answer 4

Falling asleep together for a couple forms a sense of closeness between yourself and you partner. The fact that this special bond is missing from your relationship means that your husband just misses the closeness you two share when you fall asleep together. Its understandable that you are unable to fall asleep until later on in the night, but maybe you can try talking to your doctor about alternative medicines or natural sleeping tablets (that wont conflict with your current medication) or if you’d rather not maybe just reading in bed for a while till he falls asleep. Just so he knows you’re with him.

Otherwise just keep reassuring your husband in a loving way that it won’t be too long until you both can fall asleep in each others arms. Maybe this distance will bring you closer together! Good luck

Answer 5

maybe he thinks it's weird it works all day for you  but when he wants on  it doesn't work???   33 minutes ago  go let him no it works now!  and let him play.

I'd also switch your meds.

Answer 6

He's having an Internet affair.  Check the history on the browser.

Answer 7

Maybe you could explain this situation to your doctor, and he could prescribe an allergy medication that won't keep you awake at night, or try some herbal sleep remedies, like melatonin, which won't react with your allergy medicine.

I have tried various sleeping pills and they don't work for me, but you could ask about something that wouldn't react badly with your allergy medicine.

He probably just misses having you there with him, so I'd try to find out if there is something you can safely take, to make you sleepy enough to go to bed with him.

Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 8

He could be feeling neglected sexually if you had been active in the winter months....or he may think you use the allergy thing as an excuse to surf the net for "people" to talk to.

It's dificult to know what he is thinking and what you both want or need...so I would say just go in there and "molest" him and let him fall asleep.

Answer 9

Try some Tylenol PM or another sleep aid.  Take 1 to try and see how the effects will be and then, if all is well but still did not fall asleep sooner, try 2.

Or, go to the doctor and ask for some sleeping pills for a while.

Answer 10

I can understand how it would be frustrating to not be able to sleep next to the person you love. Maybe just sit in bed with him and read while he tried to get to sleep. It sounds like he needs you next to him. That's not uncommon. Spouses get used to the feeling of having their partner next to them.

Answer 11

Sorry to hear your upsetness. Sounds like your husband is quite upset with you. I know that my husband does not like to go to the bed unless we go together, it seems to be important to him, maybe your husband wants you next to him when he sleeps, to hug or cuddle. Go with him when he goes to bed, you can always get up once he falls asleep. It also seems that you might be a little edgy not working and not feeling well. Sometimes it is more easy to give in than to argue or be angry with each other.

Answer 12

I had a very similar problem with horrible allergies.  When I could sleep, I had to sleep sitting up or I would feel like I was drowning.

I started taking allergy shots and they changed my life!  They give you a little bit of what you are allergic to and your body develops a natural immunity to the allergen and you stop reacting to it.  I was so much better the first 4 months that my husband got tested and got on shots too!  

It was like miracle cure for me!  Bear in mind, I used to say that I was allergic to needles; I was so scared to get shots!  But they use a really small needle and it was SO WORTH IT!!!  I have my life back.  I don't have to take any medication at all anymore - even during allergy season!

You, your husband, and your marriage deserve a normal life together.  Please get tested by an allergist and take back your life!  Your husband misses you!!!

Answer 13

Go to bed with him. You don't have to go to sleep but go to bed, maybe s*x, or just lie there with him until he falls asleep. I've got major insomnia so I quite often end up doing this. It's not going to take too much of your time or energy to give him this little bit of your time. Good luck.

Answer 14

No your marriage is not in trouble.  He is used to sleeping with you at night and he might think that you are rejecting him and by making up excuses.  You need to reassure him that you love him and maybe you can go up and help him into bed and get him naked for some fun.  That ought to cure him fast.

Answer 15

you need to try a diff allergy med... clariton is good,, wont make you sleepy or keep you awake..and its over the counter now... what about a nasal spray? I use a nasal spray, one spay in each side in the morning and I'm good all day and night... and i have no side effects... hes missing you and wants you sleeping with him... please talk to your doc about a diff allergy med... obviously this is bothering him badly... talk to him, tell him you understand his feelings, let him know you love him and miss sleeping with him as much as he does with you. and TRY other methods to control your allergies,,, just trying should help things alot...  

Answer 16

if he loves you, you have nothing to be worried about. you should never get a divorce because of a bad sleeping pattern if he truly loves you

Answer 17

Well first off, unless you ask him you don't know for sure why he was angry. Maybe it wasn't about not going to bed. Can't fix it if you don't know what's broke. But he wants you in bed with him at night. That's perfectly normal for a healthy couple. My husband and I sleep cuddled every night and when one of us isn't there we don't sleep very well. It's loving, comforting and it bonds you back together at the end of a busy day. Have you considered taking something to help you sleep - ambien? It might help you get back on a better schedule. Or even benedryl instead of the sudafed. That often helps people sleep. I'm a major insomniac. We have a tv in our bedroom and my husband has no problem sleeping with it on as long as it's low and the lights are out. Can you go to bed and read, or listen to music with headphones, do a sudoko puzzle, etc. Anything to just be next to him. You didn't mention it,but is this affecting your s*x life? Maybe that's why he wants you in bed. Maybe that will help you sleep to. ;)