When we met I was 19 and he was 24. He was leaving his home in San Antonio, TX and moved to Ohio to live with his uncle and aunt. I still lived with my mom. I was still hanging out with some friends that I knew since high school/middle school... I guess you can say doing high school things still, like driking underage, smoking pot... (I have not smoked in about 5 months) I was over weight, no true motivation to go to school. I met him through a frined who liked him but he did not like her. I thought he was cute, he was a real smooth talker. Well I found myself lying to my friend when she would want to hang with me because she liked him and I was blowing her off for him. When I would feel bad he would be like "I don't like her, she is ugly.... her dad is a loser...she looks homely..." it would hurt my feelings, but I came from a broken home. My mom had an affair on my dad because he was controlling/physically abusive... he is a pot head and she is an alcoholic. She also made me feel like her new boyfriend was more important than me and has told me stories of when I was younger and how she feels like she put me in front of me... so that does not help with my insecurity issues now. BUt when my boyfrined came along and I seen someone who I felt had it all figured out and had a plan. I only knew him for like a month or so and we moved in together. The first time my mom met him she told me she did not like that he called her "baby" like he was some sore of smooth talker. However after we moved in together, he got me motivated in school and stuff and I started to feel good about the choice I made. We did hang out before the move but it was always really secreative... like he worked until 2 am and he would come and pick me up and take me back to his aunts house where he slept in the basement. These people were really well off and I was not so I always felt like he was kind of embarassed to introduce me to them. BUt anyways, he forced me to chose in between him and the friend that I basically stabbed in the back to be with him... like it was not already bad enough that I did that to a friend of 3 years but he made me feel like I had to tell her that I could not be her friend anymore too. Then he sort of became abusive when it came to getting me away from an old friend that I worked with. He made me call her and tell her that I could not be her friend. He wanted me to tell her that I thought she was a loser and all this bad stuff but I did not want too and he became abusive after I told him that I did not want to tell her those things. I did not tell her those things but I did tell her that I could not be her friend while he was standing right there watching me cry on the phone. And my dumb *** still moved in with him. What was I thinking? I think that I felt that I did not want to go home because of my moms alcoholism. The physical abuse stopped but the verbal abuse was there in the form of talking about my only 2 other friends. He would call them lesbians and say that they were low lifes and that tehy were not going anywhere in life and say "is that who you want to associate with?" If I would defend them and say that they were not lesbians and that they were close frined he would talk so badly about them. They did come out of the closet a year later though...lol. But I cut them off too. I got a full time job after I got into the apartment to help with bills and started school to get my prereqs out of the way for nursing. He made the same amount of money as me then too. When the classes staretd getting harder and there were only some classes that were available at certain times we decided that it would be better to quit my 8-5 and work a p/t teller job and go to school f/t. We still had our occasional issues because of the age difference. Like I would get jelous that he was able to drink at a resturnat and I could not.. or he would want to go to a bar after a gathering with friends and would get mad because I did not want to go. But I was underage and it would tick me off. Maybe I was controlling in that manner. But he would get so mad and call me names like a bit*h and a cun* and tell me that he can do better than me. For like 2 months he acted like he did not want to have s*x with me and would say stuff like "get skinny babe" so I lost all of this weight. He went and got s*x toys and made me feel like he needed that in order to get off.. So I made comments sometimes like "so u have to use a s*x toy? im not worthy of ur p***s?" Because he used that more than actual intercourse. We were taking these apetite suppressiants called adipex and he started getting all messed up on them (he did speed in TX, part of why he left) and we were abusing them... but he was snortng them and stuff. He got super horney and wanted to have s*x like 10 times in a row and I did not want too, so he made me leave so that he could jak off to a porno. And when I came back after balling my eyes out I went to la down and he was still wanting s*x!! So I went to bed and when I woke up he had put the p**n back in and was jaking off!!!! I told him it hurt my feelings and I was hysterical but he made me feel like I was over reacting. A bout a year later we heard that he was going to get a job promotion and move to Virginia Beach. They only gave him a week to make a decision. After he said yes, they only gave him 1 weekend to find a place to live and 2 weeks later he had to be there. I stayed here in Ohio for a month with my mom and I did miss him but I think that was that made me open my eyes... I got there and got a p/t job as a bank teller making almost 2.00 more than what I was in OH. Then he started telling me that my job was not bringing in enough, although it was brinigng in about 200.00 more a check than I was in Ohio. That was upsetting me that he could not see that I was doing as much as I thought I could b/c of school and stuff. He made me cry a lot about it and was telling me "if you don't like it go back to your drunk fat a** mom and ur pot head dad"... but I asked the bank if I could get a f/t position. They said yes but I did get a pay decrease. He said that was fine so I stuck with it. Then we went out for New Years. My first New Year's since I was 21 and I was stoked. We decided to go to Norfolk and go to the bar crawl. That place has a rep to be a meat market. I guess I never had that much confidence so I do get a little jelous, but only if I feel like he is truely flirting. So we were at this one bar and it is loud... but he is asking this bartender is she knows how to make a certain drink or something.. and she acted like she could not hear him and he kept getting really close to her ear and leaning accross the bar to tell her whatever it was. What pissed me off was the fact that it looked like he was whispering in her ear but then he was slowly bringing his head around to the front of her face... like his and her nose was touching... on like 3 occasions because she kept being like "i cant hear u" and he would do it every time... and she was flirty and laughy. and I may have been wrong but I said to him really nicely in his ear "If you are going to flirt like that please do it when I am not around" WELLLL!!! He gets sooo pissed and screams at me and is all like "fuc* you, your a dumb insecure *****..." Screams at the bar tender to get his check... we go out of the bar and he is screaming at me to give him his apartment key and I mean SCREAMING and there are people all around. So embarrasing for me. He is sooo drunk and being a jerk. I am showing guiding him to my car and we are in the elevator and he thnks that my car is on a diffrent floor then the one I am trying to get out of so he is like "Get back in here!!!" So I get back in because I dont want to cause anymore of a scene and he is calling me a dumb ***** and stuff and he is like "scream that your an ugly a** dumb bit*h" Well I dont.... but he continues to run off and then call me and get mad because he cant find me... after he was the one who rean off. I finally get him in the car and he is bing a complete jerk... we get into a physical scuffel and my nose starts to bleed... I called the cops and he got taken to jail for the night. His mom calls me a few hours later telling me that I need to bail him out beacsue he can lose his job... she is telling me to pick my battles, etc... Well I bail him out and he is all pissed that I sent him to jail. We go to court and I get him out of it... I know I am an idiot. Well, now he is telling me that I need to get another job because to him it is a "low life job". He works hard and makes more money and I try to appreciate him, but it seems like he gives me more financial support than emotional support. Like when I talk about things that happen at work he get mad and says that my job is not important and all I do is sit on my *** all day. I like my job and the people there. I have also made a friend that he totally dislikes and even was very rude to her the first time he met her. He is now calling me names like bit*h and cun* more and more everytime I stick up for myself or just anytime he feels like I am being to argumentative. I do tell him that just because he makes more than me does not mean he can make certain comments to me... he will tell me to drop the argument and if he feels like I am personally attacking him just because I am proving him wrong (no name calling on my part) he goes off and calls me all kinds of names. He never apologizes to me and thinks that if he talks to me nice or buys me something, that I should accept that as an apology. The more I push the issue of this the more angry he gets. He said he will not change unless I change but I am all out of things to change. I dont feel like I should have to change the only thing that me=akes me happy, and that is my job. He wants me to get a job that will keep me busier and more stimulating, even if I get paid less!!!! BUt I like my job and he knows it. I have mentioned dislikes about it and how it can be a joke at times but never have I mentioned that I want to leave. My manager lets me do homework... this is a dream job for any f/t student!!! I wish he could be happy for me. But he thinks he has my best interest in mind and when I say I dont want to change jobs he says I am taking the easy way out... and tells me if i am not going to look for another job then not to discuss my job with him at all. But then what is there to talk about? I have no friends, neither does he... nor is there any family that is not 10 hrs away. The friends I have he all finds fault in. If I had frineds that made 6 figures or who had nice cars, or nice house, or connections of some sort I am sure he would deem them acceptable... but those are not the type of people I go out looking to make frineds and I feel like that is all that he is going to accept. When I told him that I put my 2 weeks in at my job he flipped out and closed our joint checking account that all of my pay checkgoes into. He canceled my car insurance and had me sign a piece of paper that I assumed was to sign my name off of the lease... BUT NOOO, when I told him that i had 30 days leagally to get my things out he says "no, that peice of paper you signed was actually stating that you revoke those rights".. then a couple of hours later he is being as sweet as pie telling me that he can change and to give him time.... Im still leaving becuase he cant change. He is doing better in these 2 days than he has the whole entire relationship... he made a frined finally today and is getting a hobby!!! I am so proud that he is doing more. But he tried to make me feel guilty and tell me that he has no fam or friends and that becaue I do, "it must be nice to have options" There have also been issues in the bedroom because I really have not felt sexually attracted to him. And when he asks for s*x I refuse him. Because he is not sweet about it... We can have a huge argument and he can call me names and say stuff like "the only way that I am going to accept your apology is if you call yourself a dumb a** bi*ch." And I have done it before... But I just don't feel an emotional connection with him. And sometimes we go to bed angry and he will wake up with morning ***** and jsut be like "will you put ur mouth on it?" I am like, UGH!!! In the past he has pressured me about anal and I tried it but he was too rough so I said forget it. He did not want to be patient and told me that I was "being immature about it" becuse I did not want him to just ram it in!!! He would get so agervated whjen I would say that it hurt... And it totally discusted mewhen he would ask about it knowing that it hurt me... Like he is getting pleasure from someone elses pain. I thought s*x was supposed to be enjoyable on both ends and he has presented it too many times like it is for his enjoyment more than mine. Especailly with the whole s*x toy thing. BUt now we argue when it comes to s*x b/c I dont want to have it... Maybe that is what ruined the relationship a little...Why do I still feel like I love him after all of the c**p he has put me through????? And there is much more but this is enough of a novel. Is it wrong that I want to have a long distance relationship with him b/c of the improvemetns he has shown in the last couple of days. Never has done this good ever before! Please believe me that he just does not start yelling at me out of the clear blue... but sometimes he gets mad about things that he takes out of context and when I try to explain he gets mad and tells me to drop it... so it seems as if he wants to believe what he wants and not listen to what I have to say. Is it wrong that I try to defend myslef?? Last weekend he got mad b/c we were at the beach and I asked him to go with me so that i could take a pee... He was like "I dont want too".. i was trying to be cute and somewhat get him to go in and was like "please I am scared of sharks... please go... even if u stand at the shore u dont have to get in just come down with me" and he is all like "NO! I dont want to go. If you start going under I will be out there to save you. Why are you so dependant? Why cant u do anything by yourself?" So I went by meyself... And while I was down there I swam for a little bit.. the waves were strong and i had some technial difficulties with my bathingsuite... but yes i did go swimming. When I got back up to the where he was sitting about 15 minutes later, he is all mad that I did not invite him to swim and says that i should have invited him.... And its like, if I have to ask permission to swim then I am speechless. Then he accuses me of trying to swim by some random guy and says "he saw me looking at him" I am clueless of what he is talking about and am trying to defend myself because i dont want him to be mad about something that is not true. Of course he does not want to hear my side and gets pissed what i continue to defend myself, but it is because he keeps accusing... and then he says "just drop the argument!!" So when I kept telling him that he was being illogical and that i was not flirting with someone he went off calling me the names again. But I am to the point to where if I have to defend myself about swimming???? I am done. I am sick of him always getting mad at me for these dumb reasons and he expects me not to defend myself... when i do he combats with bi*ch this cun* that.... I am going back to Ohio to get my LPN and am taking 1 of the 2 cats we have. He knows I am close to the boy cat but I would take them both.... except my moms b/f is allergic to cats... So that is out of the picture. My dad has like 4 so I am taking him there. I wish he would keep them both but he only wants to keep Tilly (the girl cat) and not wade (boy cat) He knows that Wade is sooo close to me and I think he is doing this just to be an a**... he says "2 cats will mess up my game" I am just soooo done.... BUt I still have love for the guy because he is showing change with no drinking no smoking, excercising, making frineds, having hobbies.... a total 360.... and he is listening when I tell him about my dislikes about him... So is a long distance thing out of the question? He is on my phone plan b/c he has bad credit and i have offered to keep him on it so he does not have to put down a heafty deposit on a new plan, but I have been told by many to cut all ties and some have told me to keep in touch... I am a wreck!!! Can you tell!!! lol
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