Is my boyfriend doing cocaine?

Question

Im having a problem here and I need help. I had previously posted twwo questions about my boyfriend but I obviously didnt give all the details. Ok my boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now. A couple months into dating I found a small bag of white powder he said it was coke it was a friends and he flushed it. A couple months later I found another bag in his medicine cabinet with a pen cap in it. He made up some excuse and then flushed it. I found another bag this one was empty and it was in his pocket. I confronted him again and he said he got it from a friend and swore to me he would never do it again. I told him I WILL not put up with it. He started to cry and begged that I didnt leave him. So we stayed together. I was still a little suspicious so I went to his apartment a few times just to look around to see if I would find anything else. I found a bag sitting right on top of his garbage with still alittle powder in it. Then the next few times I went over there I found nothing. So I ended up pregnant and we decided that he will move in. I was helping him pack and I found another empty bag behind his dryer. I never confronted him about any of this. So he has been living with me for about four months now and Im starting to get suspicious again. I found these coupons in his work pants for mucinex-d its nasal spray that clears out your sinuses. I asked him if he was doing coke again. He said no and that I can drug test him at anytime. Is he bluffing? I dont know. Im really confused. I have never been around anyone that I know of that has been on this. I know one of the signs is dilated pupils. But their never dilated. I asked him how people act on coke and all he will say is everyone acts different. I think because he doesnt want me to know HIS signs when hes on it. Im so sick. I want him to just admit it. Or maybe its all in my head. I keep track of his money as best as I can. I mean we dont have a joint account yet. I think Im going crazy.

Answer 1

Until he admits that he has a drug problem, there is not much you can do for him...

Answer 2

The only behavior you control is your own.  (This is a reminder.)  You cannot control his behavior.  He is the one who has misbehaved and it is up to him to earn your trust and confidence.  It is not you who should test him, he needs to have himself tested and present the evidence to you (if testing is going to be done).  If you erred, it has been to let him stay in your life with a cloud (a DARK one) hanging over his behavior.  My advice is to tell him in no uncertain terms that he must earn your trust by proving he is clean.  No proof (that would stand up in a court of law which means his word is worthless), he has to hit the road.

Answer 3

he's bluffing. you need to go test him. for the sake of the relationship, and do you really want a coke head around your child? you've already caught him in lies, sometimes he comes clean, and sometimes he tries to opt for lame excuses. call his bluff, have him take a drug test at your convinence, then let him know that he gets help and stops, or you're done. you have to think about yourself and your baby. they come first!

Answer 4

Yeah I think he probably is.  I don't think it's going to help you much to learn the signs of people on drugs and watch for them - he's kind of right that it's different for everybody, also it's so hard to see from the outside, especially if you have no experience with it.  That's just too unreliable of a way to detect and measure what is going on.  

I'll tell you one way that I have become convinced is very reliable in helping you determine if there's a hidden substance abuse problem.  Just overall in your relationship, does he confide in you?  Does he turn to you to tell you about stresses or passing thoughts or the little details of stuff going on in his life?  If so, he's probably clean.  If not, he might be doing drugs.  The lifestyle of drugs and hiding it from loved ones, just naturally breeds a lot of secrecy and guarding your privacy and generally dealing with things on your own and not opening up to others/not fully disclosing how you feel or what's going on, because you have to protect your secret.  People who use drugs get used to not talking to others about what goes on with them, and keeping everything to themselves.  You may not see the drugs but you'll feel the difference in your relationship.

Answer 5

Sounds like your boyfriend has a quickly worsening cocaine habit (unless he's snorting heroin--although he probably would have moved to shooting by now).  Buy a test kit at Rite Aid or Walgreen's and test a tiny bit of powder so you know exactly what you're dealing with.

Secondly, and I know this is going to be hard, your have got to stop enabling him.  By doing all the nice things that girlfriend's do for their men and giving him a roof over his head, you are freeing up more money in his budget to buy more drugs.  Be smart.  Get him some help or move on with your life.