Is my child being deprived of socialization because of home schooling?

Question

some friends comments that i am depriving my 4 year old child of social interactions w/ other children... what do u think home schoolers?

Answer 1

I am not a home schooler , I am a teracher in public education for 23 years . No you are not depriving him of socialization. I am sure you let him play with other children when school is over for the day and that you take him places. I retired from public school because I would not want my child socializing with most of the kids in school today .

Keep on keepin on . No one knows her children better than MOMMA

Answer 2

Preschool is a relatively new invention.  I wonder how many of these friends went to preschool.  I'm guessing very few.  Ask them if they're stunted if they didn't.  ;)

Seriously, it's hogwash.  Do children enjoy time with other children?  Yep.  Should you try to give your child an opportunity to play with other children through activities like going to parks, community ed classes, playdates and such?  Of course.  That's a far cry from needing to be around 30 four year olds for 5 hours a day.  That will often "socialize" your child into some habits you don't even want!

Homeschooling is such a fun, enriching, fantastic way of life for us.  My kids have always felt sorry for kids who didn't get to stay home.  They have many friends and are very well "socialized."  

Don't let anybody tell you what's right for your child, especially people who obviously haven't even done any research.  

You might also want to look into local homeschool groups and get together with them for park dates and such.  Then you can get some socialization with like-minded mamas who will support your decision at the same time.

Answer 3

I was homeschooled until the 8th grade and I was EXTREMELY social as a kid.  I had a really rough time adjusting to school when I started, but I was a fairly normal kid by my sophomore year of high school.  It's worth noting that I had four sisters though, so I was never really lonely.

Answer 4

Absolutely not.  I would advise you to turn a deaf ear to all of the socialization nonsense, right from the start.  I homeschool my three kids.  We only need to school in the mornings, so our afternoons are spent on sports, music, play arrangements, parks, workshops, swimming, volunteering, hikes and field trips.  All of these things are done with kids of all ages, races, religions and cultures.  While other kids are sitting bored in a classroom with twenty nine others kids they don't even like, mine are spending time actually making friends based on greater criteria than just age group.  They are confident, intelligent, compassionate, secure, interested, active and HAPPY.  They're also at least two grade levels ahead.  What they are not is bored, bullied, scared, harassed, teased, mocked, pushed around, judged or "peer" pressured.  The "socialization" argument is just what people regurgitate when they don't fully understand the issue.  I commend you for knowing what's right for your child and going through with it.  Don't worry...you're not alone.  You'll hear so much of this garbage, you'll eventually start to find it funny.  You'll likely even stop defending it and just come up with simple retorts.  My anti-homeschooling relatives had a lot to say until they spent a week with us and saw exactly how it really works.  One even apologized for spewing stereotypes and admitted that my kids are not only brilliant but also well settled, articulate, polite, well spoken, engaging, interesting and very "social".

Answer 5

I have 3 children who have been homeschooled from the beginning. They are well-socialized and have many friends--they did at age 4 also. They communicate and cooperate nicely with others because they've had opportunities through play dates to interact with kids of various ages and then had coaching and modeling from us as their parents as to how to deal with difficult situations that they weren't sure how to deal with. They have not been traumatized by bullying. They have had the emotional security and nurture that very young children need in order to develop properly in all 5 developmental domains. My oldest child went to a daycare for about 3 months when she was a toddler and had a non-stop cold and hand/foot/mouth disease. At home, we dealt with very little contagious diseases that are rampant in daycares and preschools. NO, you are not depriving your child of social interaction--especially if you make the effort to network with other homeschoolers in a support group or coop--then you have the opportunities to guide your children socially. My kids are now ages 12, 10, and 9 and all three of them love homeschooling and have wonderful friends whom they get together with almost daily.

Answer 6

Only if you chain him/her to a desk and never let them leave the house.

The socialization thing is bunk - especially at 4!  Good grief, how do their kids make friends?  What did the world do before preschools and public schools?

Nope, unless you don't ever allow your child to leave the house, you're not depriving them of a thing.  Your friends need to get the facts, rather than the myths, before accusing such a thing.

Answer 7

You are not! Unless you keep him locked in a closet all day! I am sure he is in some sort of sport or church acticity or Something! And he goes to the grocery store and to errands and he interacts! everyone who says you are is wrong!

Answer 8

Not as long as you aren't locking him in a closet.

Seriously, just work out a way for him to play with another kid or two a few times a week.

When I was a child, very few kids were in a school setting at four, and we all still managed to learn how to communicate with other people.  Kindergarten used to start at 5 or 6, now they want to put kids in preschool before they can walk.  Its insane.

It takes a family to raise to a child, NOT a village.

And the same holds through all grades, as long as you provide alternate opportunities for socialization you won't have anything to worry about.

Answer 9

First of all, you need to differentiate between the words "socialise" and "socialisation".  Socialising means hanging out with other people for fun. Socialisation means having acquired the skills necessary to do so successfully and pleasantly.  I agree that all children need to be taught how to socialise successfully, and it is certainly something for you to be mindful of.  But this has nothing to do with whether they are homeschooled or not!  Simply going to school does NOT mean that a child is being successfully socialised at all!  

Please, when in your entire life (except at school) are you forced to spend most of your day in a room with 25 other people, all exactly the same age as yourself?  Homeschooled children are much more likely to be regularly exposed to the 'real world' and the rich variety of experiences and people that entails ...  

My seven year old son is highly successful at communicating with a wide range of people, in a wide range of situations ...   We go on weekly playdates with many other children (homeschooled and not).  He participates in group activites like Jujitsu, music, swimming, Japanese and gymnastics.  (His Jujitsu is particularly fantastic, because all of the children, from five to eighteen years of age, train together.)  We also attend lots of shows, concerts and festivals - even those that are held during school hours.

He chats happily with everyone from the toddler in the pram, to the eighty year old grandmother on the bus bench.  He helps me with our daily chores - paying the rent and bills, collecting our mail from the post office, doing our banking and grocery shopping.  He speaks clearly, confidently and appropriately to everyone - the shop assistants, bank clerks, and doctors etc - and has a real grip on how the world works.  (It won't be a shock to him at all when he has his own household to run.)

I am complimented daily on how well-mannered, charming, and articulate my son is ...  Most people are (comically) astounded to hear that he is homeschooled and then say something like, "Wow! I thought homeschooled children were shy and awkward.  He's amazing!"  I'm glad he's out there, chatting away, showing people how ridiculous and unfounded this 'socialisation' myth is where homeschooled children are concerned.

Whether you are a homeschooler or not, books like 'Teaching Your Child the Language of Social Success' by Marshall P Duke and 'Good Friends Are Hard to Find' by Fred Frankel are very helpful ...

Just  a few thoughts ...  :-)

Answer 10

preschool isn't really there for academics, but really to help your child socialize, so i think its important that he has social interactions with other children. but that doesn't have to be in preschool. if he is in an afterschool or a play group program, that would be fine. but he DOES need social interaction

Answer 11

i do not like the idea of home schooling because once they get out in the real world, they are inexperienced. consider sending your child into public school. plus, when he or she grows up, they'll be missing out on tons such as friends, rebellion, and other things that go on in a regular teenager's lives. you might think that doing this is the best, but trust me, it's not.

Answer 12

Of coarse not.  Isn't he/she required to take a couple of classes a month with another parent ?  How about church association ?  

  I think that home schooling is the greatest thing we can possably do for our children,  Please don't listen to these friends of yours.

   I hear reports all the time of how home schooled children are far ahead of their public school counter parts.

   I believe you are God blessed to give your children the best advantage they can possably have.  Keep it up, good for you!!

Answer 13

As a mother and once been homeschooled I would never put my child through home schooling.  There are certain things that children only learn from being around other children, things like learning to share and how to act with children his own age. If you are not wanting to place him in public school becasue of things like drugs, gangs and violance you should think about enrolling him in a private school if you can afford it. Also your child needs time away from home and family just as adults do. I hope I have helped you......

Answer 14

Well, I don't know what you do on a daily basis. Homeschooling itself doesn't deprive a child of social interactions (which isn't the same as socialization). If a parent keeps the child home and they never do things with others, then yes, I agree, it'd be depriving the child. Most homeschooling parents don't do that, so I'm going to assume that you don't do that. Children don't need as much social time with other kids as the general population seems to think. Not once before in history have people made such a fuss over how much time kids spent with other kids the same age.

And not once do these people question where they got their belief from. Take the one response with this:

* "because once they get out in the real world, they are inexperienced"

--My kids DO get out in the real world. This is an example of someone assuming that homeschooling parents lock their kids up at home. They then use that faulty basis to make all kinds of assumptions.

* "they'll be missing out on tons such as friends, rebellion, and other things that go on in a regular teenager's lives"

--You have GOT to be kidding me! True rebellion is a sign of a poor parent-child relationship, NOT a natural thing that is supposed to be a part of every child's life! I can't believe somebody would even think that it's a good thing. Rebellion is a reaction, not a thought-out, "This is who I am." And besides, there are homeschoolers who do rebel, usually do to parents who are over-bearing, just like the public schooled kids who rebel.  Not to mention that homeschoolers CAN and DO have friends and hang out and do plenty of stuff.

Kristi wrote about her homeschooling experience:

" There are certain things that children only learn from being around other children, things like learning to share and how to act with children his own age"

--This is sad. This says that Kristi's parents were parents who never had her do things with others and that if she were to homeschool, she'd do the same thing. It doesn't have to be that way!

So, if you aren't having her be with other kids on a regular basis, you might consider starting, although it's not nearly important at her age as later on. Otherwise, don't worry about it.

Answer 15

No you're not.

Does your child have friends? Then you're fine.

Answer 16

If you check out the reams of published, peer reviewed research -- rather than relying on opinion (have you ever known any of those homeschool knockers to cite a valid reference for their 'facts'?!? I haven't) -- you'll find that, time after time, home-educated kids are found to be *better* socialised than their public/privately schooled peers. For instance:

'Research clearly demonstrates that those children raised with family-based education (i.e. 'homeschooled') are usually superior to their school-attending peers in social skills, social maturity, emotional stability, academic achievement, personal confidence, communication skills and other aspects...' (Meighan, R.)

Me, I'm 15 and have been home-educated all my life (well, except for 5 weeks of it!). I consider myself to be very well-socialised; all my home educated siblings** consider themselves to be equally well socialised; if anything, our parents'd probably say we're too 'well socialised', if that's possible!

(**the two oldest were at university for 2 years, one of them as student president, before anyone realised they'd never been to school!).

And as for 'socialising' (too often confused with 'socialisation') all I can tell you is: my parents certainly consider me to have too busy and too full a social life. Indeed, my mum would love it if this particular 'homeschooler' was far less sociable, *smile*.

(we live in a remote area so she has to ferry me around everywhere)

Answer 17

Your friends (and many posters here) are victims of a common myth.  They have been brainwashed to believe that imprisoning children for hours in a room with kids of approximately the same age is socialization.

Socialization is, in reality, learning to deal with all kinds of people in many different situations, and this is simply not possible in a school setting.  As a matter of fact, what happens at school is desocialization, not socialization.

Last week at park day (google your town's name and the words "homeschool park day" to find your local group), children of all ages engaged in many different actifvities.  There were many preschoolers busy playing together, being helped by older children and adults.  A soccer game with boys and girls ranging in age from11 to 17 took place.  Age and gender did not matter.  What mattered was desire to play.  Some kids sat and read.  Some played on climbing structures.

During the afternoon, the local middle school, with its victims of desocialization, let out.  A group of middle school kids grabbed a classmate by his hair, dragging him across the park.  So much for the valuaable "real life" skills learned in schools.

When park day ended, the participants went on to other activities, including ballet, Tae Kwan Do, classes at community colleges, volunteer work, and home with the family.

I have linked you to an excellent website which discusses the issue of socialization.  Print out some of the articles for times when your friends' ignorance gets to you.  You might even want to hand them some of these articles.

Be well.

Answer 18

yes. there are some things which kids only learn from being around other kids at every age.

Answer 19

Not necessarily of socialization.

But of friends, yes.

But you didn't give much details though about your situation.

Answer 20

I am going to start with a definition of socialization.

socialization - the process by which culture is learned; also called enculturation. During socialization individuals internalize a culture's social controls, along with values and norms about right and wrong.

So, do you agree with the cultural environment of your local p.s.?  

Do you agree with the values and norms taught by p.s.?

Do you wish to see our larger culture and society reflect the subculture and society of public school?

If yes to the above three questions, then yes, from your perspective and the perspective of some others you are depriving your child.

On the other hand, if you disagree with (read: appalled by), the cultural environment (bullying, drugs, promiscuity, rebelliousness, athletics and looks glorified, academic achievement secondary, learning to be controlled by arbitrary rules and authority figures, etc.) of most bricks and mortar schools then you are in no way depriving your child.

Many (including us) decide to homeschool - at least in large part - for better "socialization" than is typically offered in a bricks and mortar school.

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Social interactions with other kids.  As others above have said that is your responsibility to seek and take advantage of the huge variety of opportunities out there.