Is my dad a typical chinese dad? 10 points for the best advice. Thank you

Question

My dad always compares me to his friends' children. I am 23 years old and have Master's degree (I earned my Master's at age 22). He helped me pay for my undergrad degree. I got a scholarship for my grad degree. I earned both degree in the US. I always appreciate his kindness to spend tons of money for my education.

I am a recent graduate and now seeking for a career. Since I have Master's degree and bilingual, my dad expects me to make 3X more than other people my age. He said, his friend child makes $$$ and she does not even have Master's degree.

It hurt to be under so much pressure. Of course, I don't want to let my dad down. Of course, I want to get a good job and make decent income.

***

Please reply in English. My dad is a chinese immigrant to Thailand. I don't know Chinese. I speak Thai and English. Thank you

Answer 1

Typical chinese...hmm. I'm actually not sure. Probably a mixture of strong, traditional Chinese beliefs mixed with his personality and a good helping of over-protectiveness. Don't worry, remember to do what you want to do... don't loose yourself to your father's dream. Money isn't anything.  

Answer 2

It sounds typical although he could be more extreme than others.  The important thing is that you are legally an adult.  Make sure that he does not run your life.  By no means am I advocating not honoring your parents.  But you have to live your own life.

Answer 3

lol yea very typical

its all bout money with chinese ppl. i know cuz my dads chinese too and like ur dad and i live in the US too

i mean jst try ur best and dont give a care bout wat he says. ur 23 already. u make ur own choices

jst try ur best and try not to rely on his money.

but i hate it when my dads like "go be doctor and make 300000 a year.

Answer 4

Yes, he's very Chinese, I have a same dad, we used to have a very close relationship before I entered elementary school, but after that he got strict with me, pushed me to extreme, if my grades dropped under 80, I didn't even dare go home feared my butt would be whipped , I begged my mom to divorce him, hoarded sleeping pills, slit my wrist, they didn't work.

Finally I accepted that I couldn't prevent him, I rarely talked with him after that sliting wrist  incident, that was 1997, I was 14, I found that the best way to keep me safe is to avoid him as possible as I can. our relationship dropped to ice cold. I don't want to mention what he did before the National college entrance examination.

After I entered a top 10 University of China, he seemed to be a little nicer, I never worried about money issue coz he took care all of it, but I think our relationship is already ruined, and I want to leave here, never wanna see him again.

EDIT: Aileen I heard you, my dad already checked what kind of guy I was dating, he doesn't know I'm dating a divorced German guy, otherwise he'll be insane~~~every time a male calls in, he asked who  that guy in the other end was, OK I'm going to Shanghai, I can date 10 guys at the same time without informing him

Answer 5

Yes, he's a very very  typical Chinese dad.

Answer 6

no, he doesn't act like that because he's a "typical" chinese dad. it's just his personality. dad of any race could be like this. you don't have to find an excuse for you dad. just admit that is the way he is.

you don't have to feel obligated to fulfill his dream because he paid for your education. i wouldn't let other people (not even my parents) to alter my life. do whatever you want to do.  

Answer 7

Your dad is typical chinese father. There are many reasons why chinese parents have such high expectation for their kids:

* Chinese tend to compare their lives with the people that they know. There kids is one important factor in comparison.

* Chinese parents spend on a lot of money and time on children, especially for education. They don't want these efforts wasted, thus they look for results.

* By many people, wealthiness is one of the most important metric, if not the most one, in judging how "successful" an individual is.

* In history, most Chinese take full care of their parents, because of the lack of social security and retirement system. With the income of many city residents increasing and the modernization, the situation might be changed a bit for some people, but overall it will be the same, at least for several more decades.

Therefore, parents want their Children to be "better" than other people's, because that reflects how much they would be take care of when they are old.

Answer 8

yeah , he is a typical Chinese . All Chinese are just obsessed with money . They don't think anything except money .  heheh... Tell him to take some chill pill ..lolz

Answer 9

Yes you father does sound like a typical Chinese dad. I heard that Korean parents always liked to compare there kids..

However having a master's degree does not mean you will earn 3 x as much money as other people your age. If does require some luck to get a good job. You may earn 3x as much as the average non-educated person on the street.

Even so your wage will depend on what your masters degree is, a master in English is not likely to earn you as much as a masters in business.

鬼宿.... Ouch I'm really sorry that happen to you.....

Answer 10

Your dad is a typical old fashion father. He wants his son to be better than others so he compares his friend's children to his own.

The offspring especially the male needs to make the father proud. That's the way it is for the tranditional chinese

Answer 11

No, It's not typical Chinese

Answer 12

Am i allowed to answer this? lol I have several chinese friends whose dad's are similar but none are 23 yet, my guess is yes but I'm sure you'll do fine even if you don't make 3x more than everyone else hope this helps...

Answer 13

of course its normal. Most asian parents are like that. Just chill. Just do the best you can and be proud of what you have done.  

Answer 14

Yes, he is a typical old fashioned Chinese Dad.  

Before I went to Tokyo, I didn't see or talk to my dad for 2 years, so in total we didn't meet each other for about 6 years.  My mom supported me in those days, certainly with his permission.  It was he picked on me too much that I couldn't get along with him. I didn't like my dad but  then I forgave him.  I know he loves me just he doesn't know how to express it.

We are fine now, my work keeps me busy all the time + we both are aging, ... lol, however, I never earned more money than my parents, they know it but they have another expectation that I cannot fulfill at the moment. They envy some others' daughters who married good guys and have nice kids.  I'm also under pressure but I just ignore it.

After you have found a nice job, I guess, your father would start to check what kind of guys you would be dating and he may set up some guidelines for you.

Your dad is proud of you, that's why he has high expectation about how much you would earn.

Edit to Tamahome :

Yes, when come to dating matters, my dad is annoying too. I never let him know!   sh~~~~~~~.... meow!

Answer 15

Your dad sound very Chinese. Perhaps you should tell us what your degree is in then we can tell you if you'll get 3 times as much money as other 23 year olds. All Chinese are obsessed with money.

Pressure like this is what causes many young Chinese to commit suicide. He probably doesn't realize the amount of pressure you feel.

I have seen the best method of dealing with such disparity is to have a close family friend intervene and discuss the issue with the concerned parent. This is also very Chinese just like matchmaking.

Speaking Thai and English will get you work with any Chinese or Thai trade company that does business with the USA. It will also get you an interview with the Thai Embassy in the USA.

Answer 16

yeah,it sounds like your father a typical chinese dad.

same thing happened to me.after i graduated,i'm under huge pressure for a decent job.he always compares me to other kids.i know he spends tons of money on me but i really work hard and try to find a good job and don't expect to let him down.so we have bad relationship,we nearly have little time to talk with eath other

maybe we should have a conversation and let him know what i'm feelings .