Is my daughter a bullie? Or just a little to rough?

Question

Ok my daughter gets in trouble sometimes at school for playing to rough. She wrestles with the boys, she got in trouble for pulling on some kid to hard and the teacher was afraid that she was going to dislocate his arm. When the kids joke around and play fight she gets really rough and makes them cry. She actually punched a kid in the face one time when they were play fighting. First off my daughter is a tomboy just how i was, The teachers dont understand that she just plays rough. I cant help it if the other little kids are fragile..lol my daughter is a big girl. At daycare she called this other mother fat because the kids were saying that her mom was here to pick her up and she said thats not my mom that mom is fat..The teacher was very upset, but my daughter didnt mean it in that way. Im 6'0 120 pounds and i dont have fat on my body. She ment it like that. It was still wrong for her to say that. Im 23 and my daughter is 6, does anyone have any advice on what i should do.?

Answer 1

yeah she is an uber bullie she needs soem medication for that!

Answer 2

She sounds like a bullie to me.

Edit:

There is a difference between "playing" rough and being a bully. "Playing" rough means she accidentally hurts a child from time to time and shows no sign of intential harm. You state that she gets "really" rough, makes them cry and has even punched a kid in the face. I'm sorry, I have all boys and when they "play" fight there are scrapes (which are usually self-inflicted from an exagerated move) and what not but no one is ever really hurt. The older one is a good 6 inches bigger than the youngest of the lot and he still does no damage.  

As for the not accepting crybabies nonsense, just because  child may acknowledge they are hurt would not make them a crybaby nor is beating up all the other kids around proving she is not.

Answer 3

She sounds like she has the potential to be a bully. You need to sit her down and tell her that while it is ok to play rough with you, at school it is different. not every kid is raised with parents who like to rough house with them. So while she (your daughter) may just think she's playing, she's actually upsetting them and even hurting them. You just have to teach her when acting like that is ok and when it's not. If you can work on that with her, she should learn the difference and get a handle on it before it becomes a BIG problem.

Make her understand that calling other peoples mom fat or any name calling is not right. Just because you are skinny doesn't give her the right to call any one that is different thatn you names.

Answer 4

Yes, she is being too rough. If she is hurting the other kids, it is too rough. If you don't teach her that it is not acceptable, the other children will begin to alienate her, as they will not want to play with someone who will hurt her. Teach her that even though it's OK to play rough with you at home, it is not OK to do it at school or with her friends. Explain to her that she is hurting them, and she will end up with having no-one to play with if she continues to do it. She needs to learn to play nicely.

Answer 5

i don't think she is a bully but i do believe that you may need to have a talk with her and explain to her that while its okay to get rough with you, other kids are not used to playing that hard and they might get hurt.  just let her know that shes not really doing anything wrong but that she might need to tone it down a little so that none of her friends get hurt.

Answer 6

Bullies use force, or threat of force, to get their way.  Is your daughter doing this to get her way, or is this how she plays.  Either way, it sounds like she is being to rough and needs to learn acceptable levels of roughhousing.  My 4 year old son and I love to roughhouse. But he knows that mommy doesn't like it as much so some behaviour is fine to do with Daddy, but isn't ok with Mommy. Sounds like your daughter just needs to learn a little discretion

Answer 7

This has nothing to do with morals...what this has to do with is socialability.  Your daughter is basically unsicoiable and you've taught this behavior.  Pretty soon parents aren't going to allow their children to play with your daughter because of her behavior.  I know if it were my kids she wouldn't be allowed within 10 feet of mine.

Answer 8

SHE IS A LITLLE TO ROUGH AND KIND OF A BULLIE BUT ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS SIT HER DOWN AND HAVE A LITTLE TALK WITH HER

Answer 9

I was a first grade teacher for many years.  Your daughter may be unaware of her own strength, but, that being said, she needs to be encouraged to socialize in other ways besides the physical method.  It sounds like she is very competitive.  Others could perceive her as a bully.  Some suggestions:

#1) Explain to her that hitting is not appropriate and that continuing to hit could result in undesired consequences, such as suspension and lack of friends later on.  (Things that are 'cute' at age six are not so cute in middle school.)  

     Also try to encourage her to control her impulses to become physical.  This can be challenging at this age, but be persistent.  

     There is something that is encouraging her to continue this behavior.  If someone laughs and thinks it is cute it encourages her to do it again.  If someone does not take it seriously, then she will not see the seriousness in it either.  She may be using it as a way to get attention or she may honestly not know how to relate to her peers in other ways.  The teacher can help you formulate a good plan to help her interact more positively with her peers.

#2) See if you can channel that energy into sports.  Soccer or little league softball are good venues for girls with lots of energy.  

Take it seriously.  Habits that are formed during the early years are extremely difficult to break later on.  

As for her calling the other mom 'fat', children this age speak their minds and do not mean these comments maliciously.  The bigger problem is the physcial interaction.

Answer 10

she definitely sounds very mean.  I have sons and a daughter. My daughter is tough and can hang with the boys but she is not hurtful to adults' or other children's feelings.  That's the difference. Tomboy rough are ok but not physically hurtful or verbally. She is crossing the line. Reel her in!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Soon she will not have any friends boys or girls that's the reality you are looking at - is that what you want?!

Answer 11

You need to face facts: your daughter is a bully and is too rough. She is not "just" a tomboy who is active and takes a little bit more risk than other kids.  She hurts other people - physically and emotionally.  Stop making excuses for her and for yourself.

Both you and she need to start working with a psychologist, and above all, you need to get real.  Hurting other people is not acceptable behavior under any circumstances and if the two of you don't cool it fast, you both are going to wind up in trouble.

Answer 12

Just because you were a tomboy doesn't mean your daughter has to be raised like one.  Playing rough for a girl or boy is NOT appropriate, especially when it's causing other kids to be hurt in the name of "fun" or "play".  

From what your describing here, yes, it's bully behavior as well as a smart mouth of disrespect to call people "fat"- especially other adults.   You're teaching your daughter not to feel emotionally and to be rought and it's not appropriate just because you were "raised that way"- whoever raised you was inappropriate to do that as well.  You need to break this cycle of brutish behavior or it's going to get worse as she gets older.  No guy wants a girl that will beat him up and then call it "fun" just like no guy later on wants a girl that is rude and mouthy to everyone.  There is absolutely NOTHING attractive about that.

Answer 13

My son is kind of like that, too.  He's big for his age and sometimes hurts the other kids at playgroup without meaning to.  We tell him that his job as a big kid is to watch out for the smaller kids and make sure they don't get hurt.  We praise him for being gentle with his toys at home (hugging them and playing nicely instead of throwing or hitting them) and my husband has eased up on the really rough horseplay.  I've seen a lot of improvement in his behavior around the other kids.

As far as kids saying insensitive things about other kids and adults, that can't be avoided initially.  All you can really do is say it isn't nice to call people fat, because it hurts people's feelings and tell her not to do it again.  All kids will say really inapropriate things from time to time.

Good luck.

Answer 14

she doesnt mean to do half of the stuff that she says or does........but anyways just have a little talk with her and tell her to be more gentile with the other kids. make sure it doesnt come across that you are angry with her, though, because her feelings could get hurt.

Answer 15

http://www.ag.ndsu.edu/pubs/yf/famsci/fs...

This is something serious. My daughter is a target for bullies because she is very shy. You have no idea how much she suffers at school. I try to teach her to be strong but is very difficult for her because thats her personality.

Please, is in your hands to stop this now that she is still very young, theres is plenty of web sites that you can read about how to deal with it. Parents of Bullies has to learn to teach them to respect others and to stop the violence.

http://members.aol.com/kthynoll/schools....

Is in your hands and YES she is a bullie.