Is my daughter okay?

Question

She’s always in her room lately, she’s eating a lot, but then someday she don’t, like she never turns down food, I asked her what she wanted from the shop and she turned it down, she came down not long and for some water, I said hi and asked if she is okay, she ignored me and walked up stairs and went back into her room… is she okay? She’s 13 and gets bullied a lot, she hardly leaves the house.

Whats wrong with her?

Answer 1

It's tough being the parent of a 13-y-o girl.  (I had two of them.)  How close are you two? Will she open up to you?  If so, tell her your concerns and see if she will share her feelings.  Although 13 was a tough age with both my daughters, they would eventually talk to me if I assured them I was not going to punish them for sharing.  

The possibilities are numerous.  It could be depression, drugs or just normal teenage adjustment problems.  You might also try a counselor.  Sometimes they will open up to someone who is not "biased."  

Answer 2

i'm sure being bullied has a lot to do with it, so sit down with her and try to talk about the situation at hand. Or, try to do something fun to take her mind off of things include her friends and have a girls night. It might help but if not, try getting her involved in a self defense class something that she can enjoy like martial arts.

Answer 3

i use to be like that. you should put her in sports or a church youth group.

it seems normal though.

or try to see what she is good at if she found something she was sood at it would brighten up her life hope i helped.

also i would send her to a stylist to give her a nice haircut and to the makeup counter at the mall to give her the right light makeup to wear.

these things bring confidence. that's what all 13 year olds need. good luck if you want let me know how these ideas worked if you used them.

Answer 4

You daughter seems like she is in a depression. Teenagers are very sensative especially the girls. If she gets bullied you should definatly talk to her. try and relate. it will be hard to Shell most likely be fine if you find out exactly whats wrong and try to help her.

Answer 5

Don't call a doctor or anything like that, you'll just make her upset. give her time, Sometimes ppl just don't feel like talking, and being a teenage girl is hard enough, don't bother her about what she eats, it'll make it worse.

Give her some tiome

Hope I helped

♥Cassie

Answer 6

Be worried, that is your job as a mother, & her behavior is not normal. You know that she is being bullied, & it wouldn't take a genius to figure out that her behavior will stem from this. She feels as though she has no control over her life due to the fact that she is being bullied. She may then decide that the one thing she can control is her diet, & this may lead to an eating disorder. You need to ask her to talk to you, or to a girl friend she can confide in & tell you what's going on. Failing that she may need some form of professional help. If necessary you really ought to consider changing her to a different school.  

Answer 7

She's obviously depressed about something and won't talk to you about it until she's ready.  As I learned over the years from my daughter there's no forcing them to talk to you.  Just let her know that you love her and are worried about her and that you're there to listen when she's ready.  Professional counseling is definitely not out of the question, but knowing that you love her no matter what is even more important.

Answer 8

She is just being a teenager but be careful and keep on eye on her because she could be having some self-esteem problems and could be depressed. Talk to her, take her out for a day and help her open up to you so you can talk about the situation she's going through.

Answer 9

Sad that kids are bullied like this and allow it to overtake their lives.  But this appears to be a form of self preservation.  A lot of kids her age do hid out in their rooms for whatever reason, some of the time due to  not wanting to see their parents/siblings.  But when someone is being bullied it certainly raises a red flag.  She may be thinking thoughts about her life and may very well need your love and support more than she is willing to admit.  It may be wise for you to speak with a school counselor or doctor and get their opinion of how to deal with this problem.  Best of luck to both your daughter and yourself.

Answer 10

Everyone is saying take her to a doctor, take her to a shrink. If your daughter won't talk to you do you think she's really going to be happy talking to a doctor. Or if her mother assumes she's depressed? I'd honestly say let her chill for the day. She could be upset about something, but she'll tell you if she's ready. Think back to when you were her age, you didn't want your mother snooping. (no offense) If this carries on though, then ask her small questions but don't overwhelm her. Good luck.

Answer 11

I am 14 (close age to your daughter) and i sometimes gets depressed and stay in my room alot. Some days i eat like a pig and some days i dont eat at all. Maybe she is developing an eating disorder? Or maybe shes just being a typical teenager? I would sit down and have a friendly chat with her and say something like if u ever need anyone to talk too im always here. If she tells u anything whats happened DO NOT OVER REACT it annoys and embarrases us teenegers. Show her u care. Hope that helps, good luck x*x

Answer 12

Ohh please dont worry,

She just reached that age!

I was there a few years ago now my brothers there.

It happens to almost everyone.

Just ensure she knows ur there to listen not nag and if she gets bullied u need to teach her to stick up for herself no1 deserves to be bullied!

If it is coz she eats alot as u sed dont offer her much sweets or c**p...offer her to take a trip to the gym with u or walk to the park somethin like that...its gettin her out the house whilst excersising!

Im sure she'd appreciate it i know i would. Im 17 btw so i think i know what im talkin about.

Just please dont nag at her or keep goin on at her, i know what it feels liek and u probably think ur just bein a mum! and u r bein a great mum by askin for advise!

Good luck!

x*x

Answer 13

she is depressed. the fact that her appetite & mood are effect points to it. depression doesn't only effect adults, it effects children & teenagers too. this may shock u, i'm not sure but the best advice i can give u is be active. don't let her lock herself in her room. ur not invading her privacy when it comes to caring about her. she is down & she needs you now more than ever, regardless of the fact that she isn't talking to you much. this just shows that she needs u even more. u need to help her realize that her worth does not come from her weight or her looks. maybe a weight loss/health plan could be good but don't focus on the weight, focus on her health as the main reason. don't tell her that till later on in the week though. for the next few days focus on understanding her feelings when she finally talks to you about what's bothering her.  

Answer 14

i would take her into counseling..how ever my sister dealt with bullying on the bus in high school and my parents told the school and the school talked to those kids and if they did it gain they would be expeled...or  would get someone to beat the **** outta the kids that are bullying her..than it will stop =)

Answer 15

I'm 14 and that sounds like I was a year ago, but I had an excuse, like she does. If she's being bullied she's feel better to get it out. I had a rough time at school last year and didn't talk about it enough. But as soon as someone made me talk I felt a million times better!

I spoke about it with a Student Support person at school for a few weeks and they called my mum to say what was happening because I didn't feel confident telling her myself. Then they sorted it so me and this person I was having a problem with were in the same room (with two of the staff as well) and they asked her about all the stuff that had been happening. I admit, I cried solid for an hour and a half anbd refused to go to a class I was with her in, but when I thought about it, it felkt so good that we both knew what the other thought of the situation.

So basically, call her school and suggest getting someone to talk about it with her and maybe organise one of those meetings I had. it was a huge help.

xx

Answer 16

I used to do the same thing.

I did it because i was stressed out. But in her case maybe she's getting bullied again and it's really getting to her.

Try to do something special for her.

Like have someone take her out and like do something with her room. Something special.

Hope this helps at all : )

Answer 17

Its probably just teenage; dont worry :)

Mood swings are very common and if shes on or around her period then her eating habbits will be rather strange.

The sudden change in behaviour is also common; its probably just a phase.

Try to keep talking and interacting with her but dont seem too concerned or over the top with it becaus that could just make it worse.

Hope this helps :)

Answer 18

I think it'd be wrong to take her to a doctor, etc, like everyone's saying. It's totally normal for a teenager to feel down like that, when I was thirteen I felt like that. I got bullied and felt like that and things generally work themselves out. If you're really concerned about it go and see her headteacher. It may be hormones as well, hormones are to blame for most things when you're a teenager :/ Of all people I should know, haha. But I don' t think you should worry too much, since she's at that age that it's going to seem like everything and everyone is against her.

Good luck.

Answer 19

You've answered your own question. Being bullied is horrible to go through and the reason she hardly leaves the house is because she wants to hide away from it. The fact that somedays she does not eat suggests that she is worried about something (the bullying). Hope this helps. Love and hugs

Answer 20

Try communicating with her again.  Maybe start out with something light, like "How'd it go today?"  If she ignores you, go into her room, sit down and talk to her.  Something may be amiss if you know she gets bullied alot.  You need to find out what is going on with her and teenagers are not usually really well-versed in speaking to parents.  You might have to push her a little.

Although teenagers do tend to spend more time in their rooms, it is not good for her to be in there doing nothing.  She should be talking to friends on the phone and on the computer or texting them.  

Encourage her to hang out with what friends she does have.  Teach her how to handle a bully or talk to her school principal about the bullying.  Maybe she would like to be involved in a sport or a group at school or at church.

Look for any signs of depression or anxiety.  If you notice anything like that, take her to a counselor.  Teen depression is VERY commonplace, but most teens never get the help they need (which doesn't need to include medication).  Sometimes it's easier for a teen to talk to someone who doesn't really know them and isn't going to pass judgment on them the way parents can.

Hope this helps.

Answer 21

It sounds like a-typical teenager.  Make sure you are available to her to open up to, don't pressure her but don't give up.  Get her out and in a relaxed scenerio wheras she feel safe and secure to open up to you (like going for a walk).  Watch out for any signs of an eating disorder.

Answer 22

She's probably depressed

Answer 23

This is always a hard one! Yes, usually it is usually those teenage hormones and issues, but you do have those times in which it starts out like that and unfortunately gets worse!

Just try to be their for her, but don't be too pushy. Let her know that you are their for her and are worried about her, but that you understand she is at a point where her business is just that, but if she needs anything - even a shoulder to cry on without judgment that you are her mother and you will be their.

Alot of teens, especially now-a-days turn to the food, whether it be eating too much, or starving themselves to curve the emotional pain that is in their heads. Just keep an eye out to be sure it doesn't get too crazy.

Best of luck dear!!!

My thoughts will be with you and your daughter.

Answer 24

She might have teenage problems - trivial or serious  (it`s a bewildering time for youngsters).   Wait for the right moment, when she is in a chatty settled mood, then try and get a heart to heart with her.  Don`t pressurize or insist, otherwise she`ll clam up.

Answer 25

i usually do that. and i'm pretty sure that it's just a phase. it's alright.

i guess you should just give her time, i know i'm not really comfortable when i'm down and my mom nags me to talk to her about it. something that makes it worse is to push her to talk to you. she needs space and prolli some close friends to just try and cheer her up by doing something fun.

don't do counseling or get her to talk to a shrink or something. i think that would definitely make it worse. i think she can find her way on her own.

Answer 26

I am concerned for both of you.

Yes, she is a teenager, but so what?

She is also ignoring you, not talking to you and not taking care of herself well. She is isolating herself and suffering alone. She is so unhappy that she is now disrespecting you and getting an "attitude".

She is not old enough to know what is good for her.

You cannot help her if she will not talk to you, will not leave her room or eat well.You are old enough to know that she must eat right, get exercise, and hang with her friends. If she is being bullied-YOU need to go to the school and get some action to resolve it. She can't do that. YOU have to protect her.

My best advice is to pack her up and take her to a medical doctor.  Don't ask, just do it. Follow the advice the doctor gives you, whether she likes it or not. You are the mother.

Often there are problems a teenager will talk to teenagers about, more freely, so she needs to get in a group or class or something with kids her own age. I recommend theatre or choir or tai kwon do-to teach her how to use her body and to have confidence in herself. OUTSIDE of school.

It sounds to me like you have a depressed little girl on your hands and you need help to deal with her. I recommend family counselling for both of you.

Don't let this go, just because you don't know what to do. She is needing your guidance now more than ever.

Answer 27

Part of it may be that she is just being a teenager, but she may also be depressed. If this kind of behavior is abnormal for her, I would sit down with her and have a talk. Tell her that you have noticed some changes in her and that you love her and you just want to know what is bothering her. She may not want to talk, but just make sure that she knows that you are there for her and willing to listen whenever she does feel like talking.

Answer 28

Alot of people have been suggesting professional help but I don't think thats a good idea

She maybe just being a teenager as suggested by many.

If she won't open up to you try another family member of friend of the family that she trusts and gets on with ask them to take her out for the day, maybe she will open up to them.

Maybe suggest a sleepover with a couple of her friends at your house she may open up to them and f they are worried about her they many confind in you or their own parents

I hope you manage to get to the bottom off it before what ever it is becomes a big problem

Answer 29

I would say most of it is being a teenager and confused, some of it is probably depression. She wants to be alone alot, but at the same time keep her close. I was very depressed and confused at that age and even had some suicidal thoughts. Now I am not trying to alarm you, but just in case the thought hadn't crossed your mind. I think you should have her ask a good friend over and take them somewhere they want to go, or pay for something a little exciting she likes to do. But most importantly without nagging her try to see what is wrong, even if you have to lead by saying " So hun i have been so bored lately and down in the dumps, seems like you have been a bit too, Would you like to do something? Hope this helps, it's so tough through them years! Good luck and don't let anything influence you but "MOTHERS INTUITION".

Answer 30

the only thing you can do is let her know that you are there if she wants to talk. has she started her periods yet? maybe that could be whats wrong with her if she hasnt? otherwise i would say that it is something that should pass. it sounds like she is just being a teenager, but i would certainly remind her that you are there if she needs someone to talk to.