Is my ex-husband a bad father?

Question

I live in Phoenix Arizona and this morning I was driving my son to daycare like I do every day and my 5 year old son starts telling me this story...."When me and Daddy were walking to daycare we got lost and I got to ride in the back of the truck with the lady that picked us up". Well, knowing my son, this was a pretty tall tale, but I decided to ask his dad anyway. When I asked him, he told me that he had left his keys in his vehicle when it broke down at daycare. So they took the bus most of the way there and started walking the rest of the way. Then some older lady stopped and asked if he needed a ride. He took the ride AND put my son in the bed of a pickup truck to get there!!!! I have begged him to step it up and be a good dad, but I am completely at a loss. I am literally the only parent in this child's life that gives him any discipline, that teaches him anything, and the only one that is raising him in general!!! Where do I go from here?!?!?!?!

Answer 1

Apparently, talking with the father does not help. His parenting style is So different than yours and your right some of those situations are dangerous. Personally, If I saw his home the way you described I would had called the abuse line. That's just unsanitary. Additionally, its against the law for a child to be without a child seat, let alone, alone in the back of a pick up.

I would really consider calling the dept. on him, they may be able to give him free parenting classes.

Im so sorry you and your small  have had to go through such stuff.

Answer 2

I don't want to say he's a bad father but I don't think he has the best judgement. A bad father is someone who has no interest in his kid or beats him or is verbally/emotionally abusive. He doesn't sound like a bad guy, just irresponsible and clueless. I don't think I would leave my son alone with him because I wouldn't trust him to keep him safe. If I had to leave him with him I'd go over the rules a million times and drill it into his head that he has to take caring for a child a lot more seriously than he does. As sad as it is, it's almost like you have two kids lol. But if that's what it takes to keep your son safe and encourage a relationship with his father then I guess you're kind of stuck. I wouldn't want to keep him away from him or anything drastic like that but I'd be cautious and a little overprotective.

Answer 3

people can not change so either keep your kid yourself and only allow the dad supervised visits until he gets it straight or dont let him see him at all.

http://tevil.wordpress.com/2008/07/14/no...

Answer 4

I wouldn't necessarily say that he's a bad father as much as I'd agree that he may be an irresponsible father.  Putting a child in the bed of a pickup definitely falls under being irresponsible, in my opinion, but I don't think we can justify saying he's a bad father...we don't know him, Hon.  But I think I'd have to say that we'd have to have supervised visitation and he'd take some parenting classes.

Unfortunately, YOU can't make that decision without a judge ordering it, unless you can get him to agree to meeting with an attorney and making these arrangements legal for both party's sakes.  This would be in your favor more than his, of course.  I'm sure if this went before a judge, he'd order supervised visits, anyway.

God bless you, Darlin'.

Answer 5

Id say hes a perfectly fine father. Both a woman and a man are needed to properly raise a child. To me your husband sounds like a free-spirit type in comparison to you. Your child will definitely need that. It appears from what you have written that you keep your child under close supervision and try to  shelter him from everything "bad" in the world, which is just fine. But every now and then one has to breathe, even as a child. If you follow some advice here and allow your ex-husband to see your child on a strict schedule then your child may very well grow feelings of animosity towards you, because his father will become that breath of fresh air from your rule of stringent guidelines and rules. Now, okay, maybe you don't approve of the child being put in the back of a strangers car. The point of the story is: your child's father took him to daycare. He did whatever he had to in order to do that. Now, even ill admit that the back of the truck was a bit much, but that doesn't make him a bad father. Nobody is a natural parent, nobody has insticts, even the motherly instinct craze that women get is a load of bull. He may see that that sitting in the child in the back is just fine because maybe his father did that to him as a child, it simply cant be put down to him being a "Bad father". You two just differ in your views of whats acceptable. Speak to him, tell him that what he did was unacceptable in your eyes. Im sure he will understand that the child is just as much yours as it is his and respect your wishes.

One of the worst mistakes any woman can do is remove a child and his father. Fathers live in the future, Mothers live in the now. A child needs a good dose of both.

With all that said...theres nothing more lonely than raising a child alone.

I don't think you're ex-husband is a bad father. You just need to sit down together and discuss what you both consider to be acceptable for your child and compromise.

Sorry, but the fun doesn't stop with the divorce papers. :/

Whatever can be said about your ex-husband, im sure he loves his son with everything he has.

hope this helped.

Edit: OH OH OH!! yeah, remember that its not about you, its not about your ex. its about your son. I hate to sound rude but, You don't matter. Youre Ex doesn't matter. You're son matters. Don't let whatever is in between you and you're ex-husband damage your child, i can bet everything i have that it will be irreversible.

Answer 6

ok your husband is a bad preson why do you let your husband do this to your 5 years old son he shold no butter then that i would let your ex hus band  fel bad fro what he did

Answer 7

Your husband grew up in an era where riding in the bed of the truck was a treat for kids.  I completely understand the danger, but you know, I rode hundreds of miles in the back of a pickup as a kid and it was just one of those things you did.  I know my parents would never have allowed a 5 year old to ride in the back by themselves, so I would say you are dealing with a dumb guy.  

You need to identify the things that could endanger your child and focus on teaching this guy those things.  That may be all he can manage!

Answer 8

don't judge and never criticize -the kid is playing you.  tell him he's got a super imagination and support his father.  your child is begging for just that.

Answer 9

Letting a child ride in the back of a pickup does not make him a bad father. your going seriously overboard here. True abuse and neglect are a bad father. Your ex is a bit childish and irresponsible but he isnt a bad dad. If a dirty house and a pickup ride are your main battles Id say you have it pretty good compared to many single parents.

Answer 10

well im not sure if hes a bad father....irresponsible very much so!!....i agree with the post above mayb he should only be allowed supervised visitation...and if he wants unsupervised he should definatetly have to take some parenting classes....it may not be that hes a bad  father especially if he loves his son.....but lets be honest some people need help in the parenting department!