Is my ex-husband turning my children against me ?

Question

I have 2 children, a son 9 and a daughter 6. I split up with my husband 4 years ago and am very happy now with my partner of 3 years. The problem is, my ex-husband hasn't moved on and is still very bitter about the divorce (I initiated it because he was very violent and abusive). The problem is, he's saying horrible things about me (directly and indirectly), and is often saying things to the children to imply that I'm not a good mother. He has sworn and shouted at me in front of them too. He has no reason whatsoever to say this as I dote on my children and my partner says I'm a wonderful mother to them. I am really worried that he is going to turn them against me eventually with the things he says to them, and I will lose them. His parents are doing the same. Am I worrying for no reason ?

Answer 1

You have no reason to be worried. The kids can see what is really going on, and soon they will probably be thinking twice about your ex-husband. As long as you are doing your part as a parent God will take care of the rest. Let me tell ya God don't like ugly and he won't allow for you ex to continue to put lies into your children's head because all that is is satan  trying to destroy your kids. Just tell your kids to not listen to the lies and soon they will probably grow tired of it and not want to be around. To be honest with you I am not sure I would want my kids going around someone that is speaking lies to them. You may want to consider monitored visits. You don't wan them thinking that it is okay for them to speak this way when they get older because they do get their ways from their parents, it is called a curse.

Answer 2

My ex did this to me and in turn created a 15 year old monster who knows everything about the divorce and the marriage, not to mention all the c**p he made up to make me sound worse to them. I suggest you take action now. This hurts the children, its cruel to you and to the kids and do not think that just because your the mom the kids will not turn on you. One of mine did, the other turned on his father. Its a terrible mess, and now my daughter is showing the same anger and violence signs that her father does. He needs help and so do your kids. They dont understand adult problems and they dont need to hear their father bash their mother.

Answer 3

What a familiar situation....This can lead into other things for a perfect example my mother was with the same kind of man very abusive and manipulative, While they where together they had 2 children ,After they split up after 5 years of being together,  He would do the same exact things to both of my step siblings telling them all kinds of false things about our mother, keep in mind that my siblings are 7 and 8 yrs old., he now resides in a different state rather than going to court for all the visitations and things of that nature they mutually agreed of there own arrangements, So at his convenience he would pick the children up on occasional weekends and they would stay at his home with them., Last year he made a very very large lye about my mother abusing the children (which since then she has been proven to be Innocent!) Needless to say the children where taken from her and she didn't have any contact with them for several months! Please Please do the smart thing and have every incident reported and documented on paper so this doesn't happen to you!! Keep record of everything and every word he says to the children . You can reach out to local agency's in your area for professional help! Please act quickly! Sincerly the oldest daughter of a mother just like you

Answer 4

I would say yes.  In almost all custody orders that we do we always put the language of "both parties will encourage the natural love and affection of both parents and both parties will respect the other and encourage so in the children", however that gets over looked alot of times.  Usually around the age of 10 or so when children start growing up some there a perfect window to get them in your corner and against the other parent.  Most children feel like they have to choose and when one parent keeps feeding them negative things about the other parent it makes it gives the child more options to feel negatively against the other parent.  I would worry some but keep telling your children how much you love them and show them how much you love them.

Answer 5

you are right to be worried he should not do this you need to hire a lawyer and take him to court about this its against the law to do such a thing.they are to young to understand what he is doing but his affect can be lasting.this needs to be discussed as quickly as possible. good -luck

Answer 6

Caught my wife doing that to me with my daughter, daughter was saying  very odd things to me and wondered where it came from and one night I accidentally caught her trying to whisper stuff in her ear and what to say to me.

Answer 7

no. if anything, h**l turn them against him.  as they grow they understand.

Answer 8

You will have that kind of stuff. He may be going to make an attempt at custody. In most states the child can choose which parent that they want to live with at age 12. The wish will be granted by the courts with out proof of being unfit unless you can prove the other parent unfit. If he has ever been arrested for violent behavior that would certainly be held against him. Hear say will not stand up in any court. You explaining his violent behavior means absolutely nothing. A DUI will hurt him as well. it proves a history of alcohol problems. Good luck. I got my daughter when she was 12. Her mother drank to much. She had a DUI and accepted Alcoholics Anonymous as part of a plea deal to reduce her DUI. That put her on the record as an alcoholic. All is fair in love and war. I won that war.

Answer 9

You have no reason to believe they'll turn on you. Kids are smart; they will see their father for what he is.  

Answer 10

Talk to a lawyer about seeking an injunction against him. This would prevent him from the bad-mouthing to the kids. It is a form of child abuse.

Just continue to be a good mother....Kids are smarter than we give them credit for...