Is my family overreacting to me not wanting to go to family reunion?

Question

My extended family have a get together at my aunts house every summer. im expected to stay for several days. My sister, my mom, my cousin, his wife, her daughter stay over.

the only place for me to sleep is an open living room where everyone passes by and looks at me.

Also my 3 cousins who go with their wives are over 45, im 25.

They usually spend the whole time taking shots of me and saying that im not that pretty, stuff like that. "your boyfriend is dumb". "we dont like your hair". "your fake". etc.. Everytime i try to be nice and converse with them they laugh at me and put me down

Im really tired of it, i didnt go last year and im not going again this year. My mother tells me my Aunt is outraged at me and my cousins are in complete disbelief that im not going.

Arent they overreacting? also my cousins wifes daughter is 28 and my aunt gives her a private bedroom to sleep in while i sleep on living room couch, and im her niece.

Answer 1

One weekend a year isn't too much to ask. They are your family, after all. Maybe you could stay in a hotel? Or just attend one of the days. It sounds like if you skip it your family will be even harder on you.

Answer 2

If the only people you get along with are your mother and sister, why bother going?  I wouldn't even bother wasting the money on the hotel room for this one.  Hopefully your mother has a backbone and will back you up on this one.

Answer 3

If it's reallly that bad, then don't go.   You are an adult, you've suffered enough from these people.

Answer 4

Family is one thing.  In-laws are another... and it sounds like your in-laws outnumber you in this case.  If it doesn't involve a lot of travel offer to drop by for the day, but you have no obligation to stay the night.  Either stay just for the day, or get a hotel room nearby.

Heck, even my immediate family doesn't all stay in the same house when we get together.  We'd drive each other bonkers if we did.

Answer 5

They're outraged? You should be the one outraged after how they treated you. I think you're reaction is very self respecting, and I wouldn't let anyone tell you otherwise. It's so important to reject unhealthy relationships, even when it's family. Nothing is more important than YOUR emotional health. I always ask myself what's more important, someone else being offended or me being sick? I've decided me being sick for hours or days enduring a negative experience is worse than someones 10 minutes of disappointment that I didn't come. They'll get over it. Their feelings are not your problem and they should have thought of the consequences that THEY were bringing on themselves when they treated you that way!

Answer 6

I wouldn't go either. But if I did what I would do is tape everything that they say to me. Then play it back to mom and Aunt next time they get all mad that you don't want to be around them.

Answer 7

Youre 25...its high time you stop caring so much what your family will think if you dont comply.  Even if you are not married or have no kids, you are still an adult and it sounds like they are treating you like a child.  I dont htink anyone should have to tolerate such rudeness, family or not.  I wouldnt go.  You'll feel good about yourself if you start saying no...

Answer 8

It doesn't sound like much fun. Tell your mom why you don't want to go, and ask if you can stay in a hotel instead. If your aunt REALLY wants you there, maybe she'd offer to pay for half the hotel bill. If not, just tell her you aren't up to the abuse, and maybe you'll go next year...

Answer 9

My advice, don't go anymore. I won't.

Answer 10

If your account is 100% accurate, isn't exaggerated, and isn't missing details (like, maybe, insults you throw at your cousins and their families), then just don't go.  If this is truly how these people treat you, with no provocation from you at all, then they're not family.  Toxic people can be cut out of your life completely, and you don't ever need to feel any guilt for doing so.

But like I said, you need to examine your own behavior.  No one here will ever know what the truth is, so we're rather restricted in what we can tell you.  You, on the other hand, know the truth.  You know whether or not you participate in the insults and name-calling.  You know whether or not you take an "I'm better than you" attitude with your relatives, and their name-calling is only in retaliation.  

In either case - whether they honestly pick on you for no reason, or whether you participate and even provoke some of it - I can't imagine why any of them would even care if you show up or not.  If this posting is an accurate description of your family dynamics, these people don't even LIKE you.  If you don't show, they'll find another target.

My mother had 8 brothers and sisters.  Between the 9 of them, there were 27 kids (I'm #18 - the oldest of the 27 cousins is nearly 40 years older than the youngest!).  Family reunions for us have always been a real treat.  But then, my mom and her siblings have always gotten along, and all of us cousins genuinely like each other.  I guess we're just lucky.

Answer 11

Stay in a nearby hotel and enjoy their company for as long as you can take it....then politelty excuse yourself (tired works best-yawn a lot)  Be the better person.

Someday these might be great memories regardless of how you feel now.  Trust me on this one - been there - done that!

Answer 12

If the consequences of not going last year were bearable then don't go again...they'll get over it.

Answer 13

If you don't genuinely like them or have positive feelings about them why would you want to go out of your way to see them? s***w it. You have better things to do than get ridiculed.