Is my father not being responsible?

Question

So i'm in my early teens and my father is pretty old now. He's been retired for ages now and he's lazy and doesn't want to do anything. He's suppose to be the one in my family who's responsible for putting food on the table, grocery shopping and driving us to wherever but he stopped doing all that this year. He said that he doesn't care anymore and he doesn't want to do anything.

Now i depend on my mother to do all that. My mother and father got into a fight and they no longer talk to eachother. He doesn't even cook dinner for us, and my mom doesn't know how to cook. He doesn't drive us anywhere (my mom can't drive). My mom has to go to work everyday and she just doesn't have the time to cook, do chores, buy groceries and all that.

Now whenever i need to go somewhere i have to take the bus and i end up making something to eat myself since my mom comes home late. I don't mind doing all that but my parents don't even talk to me. I have a brother too and he doesn't talk either. I feel like my family's fallen apart and that my dad can be a better dad but he chooses not to?

I mean i understand that he's getting old but do you guys think that he's not being responsible as a dad?

Answer 1

First, don’t call your father lazy. I assume prior to retiring that he worked full-time.  Now, he’s old and he’s tired, and there is no reason that you and your brother can't pitch in and help out with these chores.

Second, you said "my mom doesn't know how to cook".  HUH?  Has Dad cooked during their entire marriage?  If so, that may have something to with him being tired of doing it.

It sounds like Dad may be depressed.  Encourage him to see a doctor about it.  If he won’t listen to you, ask Mom to encourage him.

Answer 2

Well, hes worked his entire life probley so its understandably to just be tired of it but... your mom should shop and cook(she doesnt know how?) thats what wifes are supposed to do and men bring home money.

Answer 3

Sounds like Dad is tired of doing all the work. All these years he's been doing your mom job and his. Now that you guys are old enough to catch the bus and fix your own food, i don't blame him for relaxing. Your mom should of learned how to drive and cook by now. Your dad will be back to normal soon just show him some appreciation.

Answer 4

I'm  sorry for  you in this  situation.  But  learning  how  to cook is  a skill you can  use  foreever. As  for the  family  get out  a  board  game,  cards, and  ask one or  more  to join  in.  This is  a  way to be  togeather  and not have  to have  a real conversation. And  it  can  be  fun.  Sometimes  adults  make  mistakes too. Worth  a  try  any way.  Has  your  Dad  seen  a  Dr  lately,?  he  may need  blood pressure medicine  or  blood  sugar  check and  not  realize  it.  At  a  good  time  be  honest  to him  and  say you miss not  being  able to talk  any more. Perhaps  meantion your  concerned he  may not  be well.   As  for  Mom  find  some  simple  fun  recipes on  site  below. Or  browse  cookbooks  when  shes  around. She  probable  feels overwhelmed and stuck with the  house  and  job and no way to get  out some. Maybe  you two can plan  something  and  take the  bus  and  go out.  But  if they  wont  improve  just  do the best you can  for  yourself and  dont  let them hold you back or  down. Love  them  but love yourself  also.!    

Answer 5

Your dad may not be well.  You  said he has been retired for ages and you have to be 65 to retire.  He is probably in his middle or late 70's.

My father was 50 when I was born so I was about your age when he retired.  He didn't get lazy though.  He walked about two miles every day and he did do the shopping and cooking.

Your family needs to communicate and talk about who is responsible for what.  Everyone of you need to be responsible for doing something around the house.  Even your dad if he is not sick.  You need to ask him that question first.    Then ask him why he quit doing anything if he is not sick.

Just let your parents know that you cannot continue to do everything that has to be done.  

Answer 6

yes ma'am he is not being responsible as a dad. He needs to realize he has a family to take care of! and i think its great that you are capable of doing things on your own instead of depending on them, but still there is not excuse for your father not helping out and doing the father duties! He is not disabled or anything, so it really must just be pure laziness. Now i do not want to bad talk your dad or anything, since i do not know him, but maybe you should step in and tell him how you feel, maybe there is something else going on. You never know, and the only way to help your family is by communicating with them. Obviously no one else is going to step up and try to fix your family, so why don't you give it a try, to me you seem like the most responsible one in your family. I really hope things get better! :) and hope this helps.

Answer 7

I think you need to call a family meeting and tell the family what you have told us here. You need to ask your Mom and Dad why they got married if they don't like each other? You need to ask them why they had two kids if they don't care about them. You need to ask them why you are all living there in misery? Tell them that you are young, still a kid and you need responsible parents. You feel very alone. Ask them to seek family counseling with you. If they won't go to counseling then you go yourself. Ask you guidance counselor at school if she could give you the name of a psychologist that would see you for free.You need help with this.

Answer 8

I am well on my way to turning into your dad.  He did not stop loving you, he is just old.  Thank God my kids are all grown.  

Answer 9

maybe your dad feels that since your mom doesnt know how to cook or drive, that hes been doing more work, for a long time. maybe he wants to just relax and have your mom do that stuff for once. just talk to him, and tell him how this is effecting you, and if there is anything you can do to help, and talk to your mom and tell her that maybe its time to learn those things, and that you feel stuck in the middle of this situation

Answer 10

Sounds like there's lots more than meets the eye here, and my heart really goes out to you. Have you sat down with him and asked him what's up with him without telling him what to do? I'll tell you a secret not a lot of people know: the one asking the questions is the one in control! Also, no one ever listened themselves out of a job. Sit down with him, let him know you love him and ask him for his story. Let him tell you what's going on. When he's done, let him know how much you care and how much you worry how this is affecting the family and you. Sometimes people get lost and need those who love them to bring them back.

I will be sending energy your way.

Answer 11

I guess I'd be more concerned about the fact that your mom doesn't even know HOW to cook or drive. Perhaps they should go to counseling.

Answer 12

hmm what ur dad is doing is not rite maybe u should site ur family down and  tell them how u feel cause this is not good for u or ur bro .but i guess  i mean u can try to take  a bit more responsiblity of some stuff

Answer 13

I think that its not all your dad but maybe your whole family. Meaning that you can't just put problems on one person. You should talk to your family about the concerns that the family may be falling apart. If talking to your whole family is not an option try talking to the easier person to talk to (whether it be your mom, dad, or aunt/uncle) and maybe they can help you talk about all the stuff going on...

hope that helps! =)