Is my friend a leader? We work together and it became really hard to cope with her overpowering behavior.?

Question

Supposedly, our boss "promised" 3 times that she would take the lead in some projects. This never happened because he told her she needed to "learn" more before letting her do business alone. She used to be an officer in the military, got kicked out due to the Air Force not having enough money. It hurt her, and she still suffers from it.

She wants to be a "leader" and always talks about how she cannot be "controlled" and that she is "leadership" material. She reads about leadership, goes to church leadership summits, and basically all she speaks of is the same topic: leadership. She does not like to be corrected; she conducts "teamwork" meetings without telling our boss. Then comes back saying that our boss doesn't work well as a "team". She setup a meeting on Thursday and didn't tell the boss anything about it. I, unfortunately, had to let him know via email (I copied her) because it is my job to report any meetings that I attend or hold. He got her attention and asked that "he would appreciate she lets him know before conducting meetings as he is the manager." When I was hired (she referred me and I am absolutely greatful about it), she said "I think the reason why you are here is to remind me of who I am and my leadership role." She used to be an officer, and I used to be an enlisted member. It's sort of sad to see her want what the military used to give her, recognition because of the rank. I have learned that as a civilian, it is harder to earn respect. People do not respect you because of the rank you carry...just some thoughts.

Apparently, after that she lost it. She walked into our general manager's office and said that our supervisor sets a work hostile environment, that she needs autonomy, and that she is a natural born leader. The executive manager made an "executive decision" and removed her from the project. They asked that I take her things to her. She is not fired from the company, but fired from my project. She hasn't talked to me sense.

Where is my fault? Where did I fail?

Answer 1

Do NOT think this is your fault.  According to your account, you're an inocent bystander.  She is the one who is having issues with authority (can't be told what to do, wants autonomy).  How dare she say that your boss is not a team player when she consistantly showed no effort to be a team player herself.  I call that a Hypocrite, not a leader.  So do I think she's a leader, no absolutely not.  I think it's a front she puts on to make her appear more important.  I don't know where that stems from - maybe she felt less important or perhaps even disposable after she was let go.  Maybe she doesn't feel she has job security so if she appears as a go-getter and a strong person than she might get to stick around.  Orrr, maybe she just really thinks her "you know what" doesn't stink.  There's plenty of people like that in our workplaces.  It sounds as if you are a smart person, so I doubt you'll get caught up in her nonsense - but just wanted to remind you of that.  

Another person made an executive decision to remove her - not you.  She just is taking it out on you because she knows she can't "stick it" to anyone else.  Maybe she thinks you can get her back in if you feel sorry for her.  Maybe she belives you had a hand in her removal.  But don't take this personally.  I don't see how this is your fault, and you didn't fail anywhere.

Good luck at work.

Answer 2

You didn't do anything wrong. It sound like your friend has issues following procedures. You have to know how to follow before you can lead. I was enlisted too and this is probably the most important thing I learned in the military.  Also I work in a office now and your friend made a mistake going to the GM. Businesses always back the Manager is these situations

Answer 3

You didn't fail, other than, perhaps, helping her to adjust to civilian life. She may not have be talking to you becuase she is ashamed of the fact that her "leadership role" got her knocked down.

It might also help her to understand that position within a company is similar to military rank. She doesn't call the shots if her position doesn't give her authority to do so. She overstepped her bounds... she needs to learn what being PART of a team means before she can inspire teamwork.